Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

So freakin frustrated and PISSED OFF

So my husband has been a complete ASS lately. He has been spending all his spare time at the bar. He spends hardly anytime at home. He pitches a fit when I try to get him to come home so I can go out for a few minutes on my own. He recently told me I wouldn't have to worry about a babysitter if I had made a different choice 9 years ago. Then this morning he got mad because I did not take my dd to daycamp. (He has ALWAYS taken her in the morning) Her daycamp is literally across the street from where he works. He was running late this morning. I was also running late plus I had to stop for gas and stop by my shop before making a meeting at 0720. Apparently I was supposed to make myself late instead of him taking her and making it to the meeting on time (We are both military and had the same meeting) He knew that he had to get up and get moving this morning but he laid in bed instead and then got mad because he was running late.

I am so tired of being the one that sacrifices EVERYTHING. He blames it all on PTSD. I get it. I understand he has PTSD. But take the FREAKIN meds you were given. He is a grown ass man. If I get angry and try to rationally talk to him he flips out on me because the house isn't clean or whatever other inane stupid thing that comes up. Both of us have a LOT of responsibility at work. However, his hours are a little more flexible than mine. I work well over 40 hours a week, go to school, and take care of my dd. He works less than 40 hours a week and hits the bar.

Any ideas on how I can get him to see that he is in the wrong here? That he obviously needs more help than what he is getting? and that I am so far beyond stressed that I am ready to snap?

Answer Question

Asked by Shaken1976 at 11:40 AM on Jun. 14, 2011 in Relationships

Level 20 (9,288 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • Sounds like he has an alcohol problem, which is probably stemming from the PTSD and he is self-medicating with the alcohol. There is nothing you can do to change that. Nagging will only give him an excuse to drink more. Not that you would be making him drink, but it is always an excuse that they have. Get yourself into an Al-Anon group and counseling (I know, you don't have much time, but you need your peace of mind back).

    Answer by attap5 at 11:44 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • I agree with attap5. I was about to suggest the same things.
    anyone who's talked to me much knows I'm the poster child for acupucture, it's helped me a lot with anxiety issues.

    it may help you both.

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 12:11 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • Whoa...he's saying you shouldn't have chosen to have a child 9 years ago? Messed up.

    Answer by 1smartcookie at 12:52 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • It sounds to me that he is self medicating. Due to the PTSD and his attitude problems when you have tried to approach this before, I would talk to my chaplain and work with the military programs to set up an intervention. He needs real help. Staying home from the bar will not fix this problem. Get him the help he needs. Tell his command if you have to! If it doesnt work than atleast you can leave this relationship knowing that you tried everything. The military has programs to help alcoholics. They will assign him a sponser, so you wont be the only one riding his ass. If need be, the military will cover rehab and they have one of the top two rehab facilities in the whole damn country; for free! They will not kick him out for this (unless he refuses treatment) and even if they did he would be covered for life because doing his job is how he got PTSD, right?

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 12:56 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
How soon do I move back in?

Next question overall (Holidays)
Fathers Day