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My sister and sister-in-law think that parenting is some kind of competition, and that I'm overdoing it....Sorry, long..

Last year when I had my son, I wanted a vaginal birth. He was head-up, so my doctor suggested doing a "version" (not sure how to spell it). Basically, they hook you up to monitors and turn the baby over from the outside. It hurt like HELL, and I was bruised for weeks, but it worked and I was able to have a vaginal delivery less than a month later. I had also always wanted to breastfeed, and I did. I have a condition that made it very painful to breastfeed, but I was able to work through the pain and after 2 months it worked itself out and didn't hurt as much, but still hurt. I nursed for 6 mos. then found out we were pregnant again. My son weaned himself, I think because he didn't care for the taste of pregnant lady milk, and was on solid food at 8 mos and did great. Now he is a year old,walking, talking, and very sweet and gentle. I admit it, I do "hover" over him a lot, but he is my first child after all....

My sister and sister-in-law both think that I went for the vaginal delivery just to "look good" (to who, honestly?) My sister had scheduled c-sections with all three of hers, and my sister-in-law thought that having the version done was ridiculous. Both of them bottle-fed all of their kids, and I have NO problem at all with that. But THEY had a problem with my breastfeeding. Once again, they thought I was "showing them up" and acting like it was so hard and so painful just to get more attention for doing it in the first place. I never acted all "holier than thou" over it, but they nagged me all the time about why I thought formula was so bad (I don't, I just wanted to breastfeed!!) I think it made them feel bad about their choice to bottle feed, which they shouldn't. Their kids are all healthy and great and never had any problems. I JUST WANTED TO BREASTFEED!!!! When my son was 4 months old (4 MONTHS OLD!!!!!!) I was breastfeeding him and my sister asked me "Is he still doing that?" like it was disgusting that a 4 month old was still eating what a 4 month old should be eating.....If he were eating from a bottle she never would have said anthing....

Now I have 10 weeks to go until my daughter is born and "here we go again". I have been dealing with depression since about a month ago, and I had PPD after my son was born, which wasn't made any easier by being made to feel like an outsider. I know I'm going to be dealing with the PPD again, and I'm not looking forward to having to listen to the comments from them....Can I just move away until my kids are teens?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:12 PM on Jun. 14, 2011 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • ahh... so sorry you even have to deal with that.. I would limit my time and talks with them if they are going to be like that. My sister and sister in law are similar and it makes it hard to talk to them.. so we don't unless we have to.. I want to parent the way it feels best to me.. not for others to make me feel bad for it
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 12:17 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • You need to tell them both to butt out. Tell them that they are rude and hurting your feelings. That you didn't question their parenting choices, so they need to keep their opinions to themselves.

    My sister had her son 5 months after I had mine. The boys are 11 and 12 and she is STILL comparing everything they do. I just choose not to see her very often.

    Big hugs Momma! Know in your heart that you are doing what is right for YOUR baby, just as they did for theirs.
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 12:22 PM on Jun. 14, 2011


  • My sister and sister-in-law both think that I went for the vaginal delivery just to "look good"

    She is just saying that because she is jealous that you had what it takes to get through it.

    But THEY had a problem with my breastfeeding

    because they didn't breastfeed & they probably don't want to feel guilty about that if they COULD breastfeed, but did not.

    I would be honest with them & tell them to MYOB. If it were me in your shoes, these two women would be scared to even bring it up around me. I would have told them to "stop feeling guilty that you didn't breastfeed, i'm not doing it for show...i'm doing it because i want to. You are the only folks who have issues with MY choices for MY child. Please, worry about your own kids & leave me be".

    They would know to never even say anything around me ever again. I would not allow it.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 12:24 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • i know its difficult sometimes to be the outsider but be strong and just let it roll off your back. they are jealous because you are doing what you want to do. just hang in there and change the subject if they bring it up again. or you always give snotty comments....yes he is still feeding like that and that is the way i want him to feed and if you have a problem with it you can leave. lol sorry i had to put that in there. i hate people think that they are mighter then you are when it comes to children. and i do not believe in scheduled c-sections. my brother told me to have a c-section when i was pregnant i was like what. i do not want to go through surgery if i do not have to. i mean sometimes its necessary but somet people think they know everything. good luck mama
    lambdarose

    Answer by lambdarose at 12:19 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • hugs

    MoversShakers

    Answer by MoversShakers at 12:22 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • Good luck mama!!!
    Dahis

    Answer by Dahis at 12:22 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.

    Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't.

    Friendship with ones self is all important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.

    Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.

    No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

    All quotes from Eleanor Roosevelt.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 12:44 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • I agree with the above. Limit your time with them and tell them it is NOT a competition and everyone should support each others decisions.
    Don't stress and don't worry about them. Find some mommies to hang out wth that have experienced what you have.
    Congrats and Good Luck mama!!!
    mkdirector2011

    Answer by mkdirector2011 at 12:25 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • If I were you, I would limit my time around the sister and sister-in-law. You know what to do for your baby and your doing it. If they have a problem it's THEIR PROBLEM (and I would tell them that.)
    MaryanneMac

    Answer by MaryanneMac at 12:28 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • I would simply not play this game with her. I would ignore the subject like it doesn't exist. This is her problem and you have more important (wonderful) concerns.
    ochsamom

    Answer by ochsamom at 12:35 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

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