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How to deal?!?!

What are some positive ways to deal with DH having an emotional affair? Its no longer happening and he seems to be completely devoted to me but I can't seem to push it out of my mind and when I get angry at him ill throw it up in his face. I try not to but apparently I don't try hard enough. Plz no bashing. I want my marriage to work and need all helpful advice I can get.

 
fancypantswife

Asked by fancypantswife at 12:46 PM on Jun. 14, 2011 in Relationships

Level 7 (184 Credits)
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Answers (6)
  • Look my husband had a physical affair and everyone and their mother was telling me to "get over it" and "forgive him if you want to make your marriage work". But I couldn't forgive him and almost two years later the images just come up on me and I'll bark something to him about what he did. "Get over it"..."forgive him if you want to make your marriage work". Why do I have to get over something I didn't create and didn't bring into the relationship? Why do I have to "forgive him" for purposefully hurting me...he knew I knew and still went to see the nasty cumdumpster. You need to do what make YOU feel better at this point! Unfortunately, no matter what experience some of us in here may have with this, each women and situation is different and unfortunately my dear...you are the only one that can determine what will make YOU happy.
    ShouldHaveLeft

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 3:52 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • Well I can tell you this... If this happened to me I would have to seek counseling....


    I would need to speak to someone outside and with my husband about this....


     


     

    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 1:02 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • Your trust was betrayed.and mine would have been too.It takes a long long time to regain trust like that again.You should not forget that it happened.Just in case......but counseling may help you live with it.and accept that it did happen.Your man needs to be for you and only you.
    evelynwest

    Answer by evelynwest at 1:08 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • It takes 2 years to cempletly forget and forgive and to move forward. I have been there, and i might be there, in your shoes in the future. So believe me, when I say that you are the family center, the corner stone. never give up on yourself and the on your family. Over the time, he will leave his affairs and get attached to you more, especially, if you have kids.
    LadyGI

    Answer by LadyGI at 1:18 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • I think I would first want to know why he had the emotional affair, like what was it that the other woman was able to provide that he wasnt finding in you because from working in a place where there were a lot of emotional affairs going on I was able to see that it was usually one small miscommunication at home that led to someone emotionally straying. Maybe there is some need that he has that you arent aware of and he isnt aware that you need to know about it.... if that makes sense?

    Next I would want to know why the emotional affair ended, was it guilt? Was it because he was caught? Was it because she was caught? I would want it to be something where he truly realized he was wrong vs being caught and giving it up for that reason.

    Lastly I would want to know why that particular woman, in case that kind of woman appears in the future again. I know women who pursue men in vunerable states and are super forceful etc.
    mitchellb

    Answer by mitchellb at 1:23 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • It was his x-wife and he says he didn't realize it was considered cheating. He also says he doesn't have a reason for doing it and he didn't hide it at all. I guess immaturity and lack of common sense on his part but an emotional affair is where ur spouse confides in the opposite sex about every detail of their life. Problems with ur spouse,ext.. where everytime ur discussing plans for a holiday they will tell u bout past holidays with that person. She was a conversation piece in our home Everyday for 10mths. We don't share any children together but between us we have 3 kids. So the other lady will always be there because they have a son together. Just a lil more info to kinda help ppl understand.
    fancypantswife

    Comment by fancypantswife (original poster) at 1:36 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

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