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Going after child support from the guy who raped me...? adult content

the guy served his time and after he got out he contacted me about wanting to see his son, after much thought i figured might as well. my son didnt choose the circumstances as to which he came here so i let him see this guy. my son refers to him as papa(grandpa) my son is only 6 and not old enough to explain the situation. i figured it would be best for him to get to know this guy and make his own descion about things when he gets older. this guy does pay 50 a month for child support and is always gettin stuff for all of my kids when he visits my son. he suggusted that we have the dna test done so my son can get child support paid from the VA, he is retired military. (this guy is in his late 50's) i talked to the person that would handle this case at the VA and my son would get 980 a month(the same as his teenage daughter) plus back pay of 6 years which is around 70k. along with this my son's college will be paid for, well 4 years of it anyway. my issue is that this guys name will be on the birth certificate and im concerned about visitaions once that happens. the way it is now i have control of when this guy see his kid and i dont want him alone with him. i still dont completely trust him alone with my son. he says that would not be an issue cuase he prefer that when he takes my son out that me and my other2 kids go with. (he in a way claims my other 2 as his own). im not sure what to do. while the money would be great, i could use it to pay for my divorce and put a down payment on a house.(my husband has cheated on my and got her pregnant, and is emotionally abusive. your thoughts?

even though this guy raped me he isnt all bad, he appolgized and admitted he was wrong. he was my land lord at the time. i know it seems stupid to forgive him but i see no point on holding to anger. no bashing please


Asked by Anonymous at 2:42 PM on Jun. 14, 2011 in Relationships

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Answers (14)
  • You are a very forgiving person. But please, be careful around this man.He's done it once, whats to stop him from doing it again?I would be afraid too, of him being alone with my child.So you know...a child support order is not a visitation order.Once the dna is done and paternity is approved, You can go to get visitation papers drawn up as well as child support(which are 2 totally seperate issues).It sounds like the man is agreeable to not being alone around your son right now, so the sooner you do it the better.Have the papers drawn up to say supervised visitation only.This ought to help set your mind at ease. And although money will never ever take away what he has done to least it gives you and your children some financial security.
    Good Luck& stay strong.

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 2:47 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • I would NEVER let any man that raped me anywhere near my child. I'm sorry but how could you possibly think this guy deserves to see his son. I'm at a loss for words and feel like you put someone dangerous in and around your childrens lives.

    Answer by Eisleysmommy27 at 2:46 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • He's a convicted criminal, and RAPE! The only worse crime I can think of is rape of a child. I would not at all, I would let your child make the choice when he/she is 18.

    Answer by yesmaam at 2:47 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • kimberlyinberea said exactly what I was thinking. Every word. Protect your children and make sure you get supervised visits ONLY. You are a wonderful and strong person for forgiving.

    Answer by CollinsMommy729 at 2:55 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • wow you are amazing to have forgiven him. Can you not get him to sign full custody over to you? He seems to be fairly reasonable based on what you say as far as respecting your wishes. I don't think that because his name would be on the bc that would change things unless you two went to court to change them.
    As for the legal part of it I'd talk to a lawyer.

    Answer by AmandaH321 at 2:46 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • im not sure about the money thing...but i do not think that it is stupid for you to forgive anyone... its better for you...just because you forgive them does not mean that you think that what happend was okay... you seem like a strong woman... go with your gut... maybe talk to a lawyer?


    Answer by jaksonsmommy at 2:47 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • its not about him its about my son, my son has the right to know who is father is. ive know people who grew up thinking one guy was their dad cause their mom didnt want them to know who their real father was, different circumstances yes but still i dont want to have the back lash these women had from their child. im the type that forgives easily life is too short to hold grudges. this guy served his time and more than willin to step up and take responsibility, more than i can say for some other men. this guy just paid my tution so i can go back to college, might be out of guilt on his part. he is willin to try to make things right, that says a lot

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:54 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • I have never ever heard of the VA paying child support. My husband and I are both military. I don't know where that comes from. But I am going to ask our VA rep.

    Answer by Shaken1976 at 2:58 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • shaken1976...

    go to 30%-60% with children it shows how the payments are broken down when the vetern has children

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:11 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • i guess he would fall into the 100% category since thats what his pension is..100% disabled retired veteren

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:14 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

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