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2 Bumps

Biological Fathers *lets get into this for real*

Are biological fathers treated fairly during the adoption process? In my state of California, the fathers are notified and have a chance to respond. That is assuming that the birthmother is honest about his identity.

What do you think of the process and the people involved?

(*lets get into this for real* this is refering to an earlier post that turned into a mess.)

Answer Question
 
ochsamom

Asked by ochsamom at 5:57 PM on Jun. 14, 2011 in Adoption

Level 22 (12,399 Credits)
Answers (30)
  • The answer to that is absolutely not. At least by the adoption industry. It is not just the mothers who are not honest. Some adoption agencies tell mothers it is not necessary to not name a father. Some tell the mother that if she names him, he could end up with her child, scaring some mothers into withholding his name. Agencies take mothers out of state, to a state with laws that make it all but impossible for a father to fight the adoption, and hide her until the baby is born and relinquishment is signed.

    If you are a mother to a son, you should be horrified at how easy it is to keep a father and his child separated.

    Look at the recent cases in the news where a father tried to stop the adoption almost immediately but the case is held up in legal limbo for years. It becomes legal kidnapping due to the agencies and the pap's who are willing to keep a child away from their father.
    susie703

    Answer by susie703 at 8:10 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • but what are the other options besides what now happens? The only other thing I can think of is to have the bio father sign over rights every time. So if the bio dad takes off and mom can't find him then she CAN'T put the baby up for adoption? I think this situation is a case for men keeping track of who they sleep with if they don't want their child put up for adoption.
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 8:16 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • TY susie, well said. Do you think if is fair once the father IS notified? For example: My son's bio father was informed and rejected the idea of being a dad. Should anything be done differently with him and those like him?
    ochsamom

    Comment by ochsamom (original poster) at 8:18 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • JLS2388 if a father cannot be found, the social worker or lawyers have to do some sort of public announcement ( I forget what it is called). Once a certain amount of time passes, he courts says that is enough for notification.
    ochsamom

    Comment by ochsamom (original poster) at 8:23 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • No they get screwed loyally. Just as Susie said if the mother wants to give the baby up but the father doesn't the laws are stacked against them. First he has to sign the putative father registry, but no one at the agency is going to tell him that. It's truly awful. I will never understand how a person could do that to another person. Only one thing that makes me more angry is when bmoms wont tell their adoptee children who their fathers are.
    When I was pregnant with my son and thinking about adoption my sons father was in another state. I flew to that state to tell him that I was pregnant and that I was thinking of adoption, that I would still have contact with our son and he could too. He said he wanted to but when I left that state he did too. Later in my pregnancy the agency said they'd found him, that he knew about me and was going to sign the papers but he never showed. Now I wonder if that was true.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 8:46 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • So OTT and Susie...what would be fair? Honestly?
    ochsamom

    Comment by ochsamom (original poster) at 8:50 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • Do you think the Aparents are at fault for the the Bdads getting screwed over?
    2ndtimewish

    Answer by 2ndtimewish at 8:50 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • No it is not. Men should have the very same rights to their child as women. I have 3 sons and the current laws scare me to death. Things like jumping states, stall tactics in court and hiding the child need to stop. I do quite a bit of work with father's trying to regain custody of their child after an adoption atempt and its sickening.

    To answer 2ndtime, sometimes it is the APs fault. Sometimes its the PAPs, sometimes its the agency and sometimes its the moms. The simple fact is the dad and his child are getting screwed.
    Aislin

    Answer by Aislin at 8:55 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • Aislin, what is the solution?
    ochsamom

    Comment by ochsamom (original poster) at 8:57 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • To be fair, men should have the same rights to his child as the mothers. Men shouldn't have to sign a putative father registry, the shouldn't have to support the mother during pregnancy if she's hostile to him. Once the baby is born a simple DNA test is all that should be needed to get the child given to the father if the mother wants to relinquish and there should be no argument about it.


     

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 9:01 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

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