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Summer visitation adult content

ok i am expecting answers that will hurt , and be helpful. and just be helpful.

This custody bullshit is very annoying.
My ex and I had it set up so our THREE year old DD could go visit him for the summer for 60 days. It didnt happen and we are heading twoards court unless i come up with an acceptable offer. She is not going for 60 straight days if i can help it weather or not we have to go to court. He threatened to harm himself and I will NOT deal with that BULLSHIT. Especially if she is with him.
So Some moms in some of my posts have suggested doing a week at a time till it makes 60 days.
Then I offered that to him and he said only if you have a back up garuntee because we will be almost 4 hours away from him. I am not so fine with leaving her there at all but. I guess i have no choice probably.
THEN he brought up the garuntee yes we move around. My SO works on WIND TURBINES he puts them up.
SO what is an acceptable offer if we are 26 hours away?
HELP
and please try not to be a bitch about it.. I know it is my fault that I decided to free myself from his bullshit.

Answer Question
 
spitfire06

Asked by spitfire06 at 7:41 PM on Jun. 14, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 12 (699 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I'm not sure I understand..he lives 4 hours from you? Is there an official agreement, thru a mediator? Anything on paper?if you move around with SO, perhaps the stability of a home with her dad would be the best for her right now. Is there any other reasons you dont want her with him? When you go to court, most likely he will get 6 weeks in the summer, and you will have to comply. Dont use the failure of your relationship with him to color your daughter's relationship with her father...my husband's ex did this and there daughter is in heavy therapy now...are you just concerned because of her age? I really suggest you get this taken care of thru the courtgs, before he files...things tend to go toward the filer in most cases...good luck
    shivasgirl

    Answer by shivasgirl at 8:04 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • OLD agreement before he threatened to harm himself. We currently live 26 hours away from her bio dad.
    He lives in his parents basement cant support himself.
    I am SO not trying to color anything with faky crayons
    I want her to have him in her life but I am the better more stable parent in the situation.
    I am the filer.. so..
    IDK
    spitfire06

    Comment by spitfire06 (original poster) at 8:06 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • If your offering diff solutions to this problem and nothing can be agreed upon then it may have to go in front of a judge. Maybe he should make a suggestion on how he wants the visits. With u guys being 26 hours apart it will more then likely be 6 straight weeks in the summer.good luck
    fancypantswife

    Answer by fancypantswife at 8:37 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • If it's in writing that she's to spend 60 days with him in the Summer and you feel it's too long then you need to get an attorney and have it modified. I can't see a Judge letting it stay the same being that he's 26 hours away. If he's not had her for 60 days every Summer since you split up then I can't see why he should have her this Summer for that long. I'm going through somewhat the same problem, and I'm having it modified as we speak. I refuse to let our boys go for 6 straight weeks, across state lines, and last yr he agreed to 2 weeks, and our boys were crying to come home at the end of that.... An attorney is the best way to go. If he's living at home, no money, then he's probably not going to fight it. GL.. Message me if you want.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 8:37 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • I soooo feel your pain...my boys are 8 and 10 and they are spending their first summer vaca with their dad. not real sure why now all of a sudden he feels like being a parent but its in writing so i have to comply. to be perfectly honest the only advice i can give you is to brace yourself because more than likely he will get the visitation...i myself have went through alot of bullshit with the ex and still to this day i am having alot more bullshit since my boys have gotten older. it is gonna be so hard i know, not know ing your whole situation i do hope that your daughter is safe and secure no matter where she ends up and i hope that everything works out for you and your little one...best of luck sweety!!!
    takenback

    Answer by takenback at 8:39 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • Doesnt want to be there for anything else but when schools out he 'makes time for them'.. BS
    Wanabmommy

    Answer by Wanabmommy at 12:55 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • uhhhh? DD's not in school? he never made time for her aside from his visitation every other weekend never wanted more time with her than that. That is not being there for her.. thats her being there for him isnt it?
    spitfire06

    Comment by spitfire06 (original poster) at 1:18 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • oh dear, replying to the post that takenback has posted right before I replied. .. i am truly sorry. But, let me see if I can come up with something that the others haven't touched on yet..You are the parent who is trying to settle this disagreement out of court and he is not complying with any of the offers or different situations you present so it very well may be time to go in front of a judge and get a legal answer. I agree with some of the other moms as well, if he is unable to support himself and still lives at home with mom and dad I don't see how he thinks he can afford to take care of a child, or an attorney to represent himself for that matter. I do think you are doing the right thing.. you are trying your best to get along and be civil about it, but the fact of the matter is is that this he is going to be in your life atleast until the child turns 18, and going in front of a judge and having something legal on paper
    Wanabmommy

    Answer by Wanabmommy at 6:29 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • ... continued)) would make life easier and more stress free for you and dad as well when it comes to knowing who is going to have her when and who isn't and so forth.. Also, i was wondering(and yes this isn't my business) but does he give you any sort of child support or money to help out? if he doesn't, that is also something you could bring up to the judge. (again, i know it's none of my business but i am just saying what i think would work for you mama)..he is too far away from you and I don't think a judge in his right might would let 60 day visitation be ok, it would definately be less, if anything. I hope that whatever happens works in your favor sweety! ;)
    Wanabmommy

    Answer by Wanabmommy at 6:34 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • thank you Wanabommy. He does at least do his part in paying child support. Although he is with holding for the two months of june and july because he was supposed to have her.. and I do not think that that is right. My Lawyer however says we cant do anything about it blah blah..
    Hopefully he can grow up, and be a dad. But this year I hope he gets no visitation according to his actions. But that is not right either. I just hope whatever happens is good for DD..
    Her Dad doesnt realize that he is being a selfish pig and is not thinking about whats best for DD. =[
    spitfire06

    Comment by spitfire06 (original poster) at 6:38 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

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