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Would you rather have two children and provide them with everything you want them to have.....

or keep having kids and have to cut anything special out of their lives....... (i'm putting two only because that was the number my mom had and could easily afford to support us on her own i know other families can afford more)


I'm asking this because i have friends who grew up with a mom who wouldn't stop having kids and then they ate mac and cheese every day while she spent extra money on herself (cigarettes and alcohol) and wore whatever the church could find......i don't want to sound like a snob but i would rather have a small amount of children and love them with all my heart then keep having child after child and they go without.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:50 PM on Jun. 14, 2011 in Parenting Debate

This question is closed.
Answers (23)
  • I have a large amount of kids and mine don't eat mac & cheese everyday but I also live for my kids and spend my money on them , I always am last to shop for myself. they always have and always will come 1st and to answer your question Nope I would NOt go back and only have a couple, I love my 5 little girls and I could never imagine life without them. Just because someone has a large amount of kids doesn't mean that the kids are suffering, I know plenty of people with 1 and 2 kids and they don't live near as good a life as mine do... it all has to do with how the parents parent and budget their money and what is important to them...
    momto4girzls

    Answer by momto4girzls at 12:17 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • When me and dh had children we had them thinking, could we love them enough, could we provide for them. And yes. Sure right now dh is locked out of his job (thanks us steel!) but he is working and collecting ei from the gov. Did we forsee this when we decided to have 3 kids and then have an unexpected pregnancy, no, are our kids loved none the less, yes are they provided for yes. Will we get our trip to disney this year maybe not money is tight.
    I think a more appropriate Q based on the info you gave was Should you keep having kids if you still plan to put yourself first? I knew that I would take a back seat at times when it comes to my kids. I fully accept that. I feel sorry that your friend had it so tough.
    AmandaH321

    Answer by AmandaH321 at 9:02 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • No matter how many we WANTED, we would never have more than we could AFFORD. That said, I don't think children should be provided with every luxury and with no struggles. We had 10 kids in our family, and had everything we needed, but had to work for the rest (i.e. no vehicles were handed to us, we had to pay for our own entertainment as teenagers, lots of hand-me-downs). I really value that I had that work ethic instilled in me at a young age. We were also required to help maintain the house and animals. My parents made good decisions for us, and we were never in the financial position where we were not clothed, warm, and fed with nutritious food. They never would have chosen to feed their own habits over offering us what we needed.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 9:10 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • I come from a family of seven kids, and yes our finances were tight, but my parents put us before themselves...

    ...and I just want to say is that there were so times that what I needed more than a fancy meal or nice shoes, was my brothers and sisters.
    Dkhilly

    Answer by Dkhilly at 8:11 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • I think your comparison is a bad one. The mom you are talking about was selfish, not because she had a lot of kids (although that could be debatable as well) but because she put her own wants and desires above that of her children's needs. not all people who have more then two kids, are selfish.

    I think obviously don't have more then you can provide for, but what you want for your kids is not the same as others. Some want their kids to have things in their lives that cost more money, while others are happy to have the closeness and advantage of more siblings. There are advantages and disadvantages to either side. I guess my point is that people are driven by different things, so without fully understanding who they are, its hard to judge.
    daughteroftruth

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 12:16 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • I don't think that raising a small number of spoiled kids is automatically a superior choice to raising a larger number of kids who can learn the difference between wants and needs, and how to work for the things they want.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 9:42 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • You don't sound like a snob but rather a concerned person for the well being of others. I have three children my sister in law told me "she could't believe we were having another child when we couldn't afford it. She had two children and I personnally know that she didn't give them any more than what was required. We gave our children everything, still do , that includes our time alot of time makes a big difference. I do not agree with having children when your other children are doing without. Unfortunatly people are not as responsible about birth control as they should be. HERE is a thought: maybe she didn't drink when she was pregnant and it was how she stayed sober. Putting yourself in other peoples shoes helps us be less critical and more understanding, anyway IT IS QUALITY NOT QUANTITY that really counts. Your friends have issues w/their mom, it's pat, not real reason for their feelings,its easy an sympathetic.
    dnanner

    Answer by dnanner at 8:29 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • I would never want to have more children than I could parent and provide for. Two is my limit, regardless of finances.
    JulieJacobKyle

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 9:14 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • i would rather have just two seeing as that is what im planning to do anyway but it depends on the parents. financially for me though, anymore would be a bad idea
    sleepinglotus

    Answer by sleepinglotus at 8:02 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • I agree with you OP. I wouod rather have 2 and give them everything they need.
    Mme.Langley

    Answer by Mme.Langley at 8:03 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

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