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My husband butts in!

I am so freaking fed up w/ my husband butting in while I am getting on to my kids!! He has something to say every time!! He makes comments about the way I'm disciplining them, in front of them!!! I have asked him numerous times that if he has something to say about the way I've handled the situation to talk to me about it later, not in front of them! I feel it takes away my authority, I am so pissed off at him & it is really starting to cause a problem. My 13 yr old daughter already is starting to disrespect me & I'm trying to get a hold on it now, & him butting in does not help!! It makes me look like I'm getting in trouble & she's not! HELP!! How do I stop this??

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:11 PM on Dec. 11, 2008 in General Parenting

Answers (7)
  • You may need to go get marital counseling.
    PamJM

    Answer by PamJM at 9:55 PM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • Counseling, because you are right. Him directly undermining you in front of the children is undermining your ability to dicipline your children and directly affecting their behavior and respect for you. If you have told him this and he continues to do it, find a third party for counseling because it cannot continue.
    reelo

    Answer by reelo at 10:41 PM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • maybe try another approach in how you talk to him about it before you go to counseling over just that one behavior. Maybe he's doing it because he feels he wants to be more involved with the kids or something. Just try to approach it as a team effort. Also remind him that how your daughter sees him act toward you will strongly influence what she thinks is ok behavior from future boyfriends... HTH
    bltcahill

    Answer by bltcahill at 11:02 PM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • Maybe he should be the one taking the situation in hand and refuses to. So you have to do it yourself and get frustrated that you are alone in this. Or maybe you like to be the head of everything. What is he saying about how you talk to your children? Could there be any truth in it that you could more correctly deal with the children? Or maybe you do the correct thing. You haven't given enough info to know how to answer. I would like to help if I could. This will only get worse.
    lovewing

    Answer by lovewing at 12:16 AM on Dec. 12, 2008

  • As the man, he is in fact the "head of the household"...so let HIM do the disciplining for a while, so he can see how his kids turn out when you undermine HIM!!! Okay, okay, a little banter there..but, seriously, he should have a hand in the discipline, and be teaching your kids to respect YOU. You two gotta work together as a team with this one, or you both are going to see hell before you die. Go on, let him do it on his own to start; hand him the reins, and go make yourself a cup of tea...
    Ophy

    Answer by Ophy at 1:16 AM on Dec. 12, 2008

  • He says that I raise my voice or I'm yelling or he doesn't like my tone! Well yeah I'm raising my voice because I am mad at her for rolling her eyes, talking back to me, or just flat out being disrespectful! At the point of me being mad at her, I had already given her several warnings about her attitude. I didn't dare talk to my mom that way ever!! I'm sure I can probably change the way I handle the situation but he needs to support me at the time of action. I do want to work as a team, I've explained to him how it makes me feel when he butts in & the effect it has on our daughter. He just not changing it!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:46 AM on Dec. 12, 2008

  • Perhaps, then, you should be the one to consider going about things a different way. I'm not saying that he's right (or that you are) because parenting is a constantly changing dynamic, but maybe sit and think of a few other ways you could go about how you react to your daughter and your husband. You might be surprised :]
    bltcahill

    Answer by bltcahill at 2:37 AM on Dec. 16, 2008

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