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3 Bumps

What options do I have legally as a mother?

I am a single mother. My child who is under 3 has been under my care 24-7 since the day of birth. Father has never really been in the picture, but IS on the birth certificate. He's a piece of shit, good for nothing. Now the only reason any of this is happening is because he came around after months of not seeing his kid and calling his kid a bastard to me, and all he wants is to sleep with me. I told him no more, he's done - never to see my child again. His issue with controlling me took over and now he's trying to drag me to court.
I was set to move a few weeks ago, out of state, but not far. It got pushed back (I haven't heard a word from this guy in MONTHS) and now I am ready to move near July 1st and I get this letter being served from the state!! WTH can I do?? I am not ruining my life and my child's life and staying in this state because of him.
There is no court date set yet, legally what can I do? CAN I LEAVE STATE?? Pretend I never got the letter?? NO ONE has custody, we've never been married or been to court.

I know plenty of you will say I am stupid, etc. etc. - but I have to get us away from him. Please help me. I've been crying all day since I found out. =/

He is doing this to control me - nothing to do with our kid. He also has another kid that is over 10 he has NEVER seen. He doesn't care!!! =/

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:18 AM on Jun. 15, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (12)
  • Have you consulted an attorney that's familiar with family law? Even an hour of his/her time might be worth the money to get your questions answered. I wish I had a better answer for you, but I think you need to make sure you get what's true for your state, as laws vary. Good luck!
    PS I say RUN like hell!!

    Answer by musicpisces at 12:24 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • He's on the birth certificate and he has gone to the court. If you leave state now, you will get into trouble. At the least, you would be fined. At the worst, charged with parental kidnapping. The state you currently reside in is the child's home state and you cannot remove the child from that state without consent from the other parent or the court. File a motion to move your domicile to another state. Shouldn't take that long to process and you only have to show you are bettering your and your child's life.

    Answer by marybeth927 at 12:25 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • What do you mean no one has custody??? YOU DO!!! You can prove that he was never in the childs life and never supported you. In fact those are terms for termination of his parental rights. It's called NEGLECT. If there is not an order for you to stay in the state you're in then you're free to go.

    Answer by justme782 at 12:25 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • Were u served? Did u sign for it? If not, they can't prove u got it.

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 12:25 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • I would get all the evidence you can against him and to prove you are a good mother and take HIS butt to court for permanent custody. Do you know the mother of his other child? Maybe she can be of assistance in court? Idk about any legalities of the situation, but you may want to speak to a lawyer before you do anything you could regret if you don't know if it's allowed or not. Best wishes!

    Answer by Kword at 12:26 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • No, leaving the state with the child after receiving notice is bad for you legally and could actually result in his being awarded residential custody. There is almost no chance that a court would not give you residential custody, but depending on the state Dad might get joint custody or visitation rights. The good thing is he will be assessed for child support and put in jail if he doesn't pay. The guy may be a total jerk but he is the "sperm donor" and your daughter will have questions about him. If she is securely in your custody and sees him sometimes, she will learn on her own that he is a jerk. Tell your friends---file for residential custody even if you don't know where Dad is so this doesn't happen.

    Answer by GrammytoTrin at 12:32 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • what state are you in? as the mother you have all kinds of rights go to the court talk to the judge tell him whats going on and that your moving and go from there you shouldn't run they wont take your child unless they can prove you unfit and thats very hard to do!!!

    Answer by traren at 12:44 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • Seek out your local Women's RESOURCE center- If he is EMOTIONALLY- controlling that is still considered abuse in some states other states like Alabama regardless of who has custody the custodial parent has to give the NONE custodial parent 45 days notice by certified mil that they will be moving out of state.... As far as moving as long as you are not moving out of state and you can prove a legit reason that is most beneficial to you and the child --IE-- Family close, Better paying job, Job with benefits, moving in with family member- There no way he can stop you unless he can prove you either UN-FIT or prove he is capable of providing the child with a better and more stable lifestyle- which would be NEAR impossible if you have had PHYSICAL custody of your BABY from day one..... Don't stress it YOU have a lot more rights and resources as a single mother than you realize- TRUST me- I have been THERE w/COURT and Custody threats

    Answer by crazbzmom at 1:13 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • It really depends on the state you live in. In California, if there is no standing custody order then whoever physically has the child is the custodial parent and with no current court custody/visitation order you are free to leave the state. If you have been served with an order that includes a court date you can not leave the state but you have to have been served by a process server or marshall or someone over the age of 18 who will fill out a paper saying when and how they served you.

    Since states are so different you really need to be versed in what is legal in your state. Even if you do move, most states require that you live there for 3 to 6 months before that state is considered your state of residence so if he knows where you have gone he can have you served in your new state and you are still bound by ruling of your old state until you are considered a resident of the new state. Get informed by a lawyer!

    Answer by rosepetal209 at 5:54 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • WITH my family because I live with them and they are relocating for better jobs and stuff.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:08 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

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