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2 Bumps

I don't want my husband to touch me. adult content

It started out easy enough, I was pregnant, and we had, had a miscarriage before so I told him I didn't want to have sex while I was pregnant. I was terrified. We tried once, while I was pregnant and I could not enjoy it so we stopped. When I was 7 months pregnant I couldn't sleep in bed with him anymore and I moved into the guest bedroom/nursery. I've been there ever since. I haven't slept in the same bed since that day, and we've only had sex once since my daughter was born...18 months ago. I've been really frisky and have wanted to, but then he does something. More often than not it's just a little obnoxious thing, but it gets me upset or forces me to focus my attention elsewhere and so I'm instantly out of the mood. I've taken care of myself, and I assume he has too, but I really don't know. I don't care either...it's been so long I just have no desire for it from him. It actually makes my stomach turn thinking of him on top of me....it's gotten bad. I don't know what to do. I don't really want to leave him, but I don't know what to do. I am a SAHM and he makes all the money, and he's gone so often, working. He doesn't want to get counseling and every time I ask for a break or threaten to leave he threatens back with taking my daughter, or he just ignores it cause he knows I really don't have the means to go anywhere. I don't know what to do anymore. Help.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:15 AM on Jun. 15, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • No advice but I hope you guys find the help you need. I would say that sex & intimacy are nearly critical to a happy, healthy marriage.
    EgoTryptophan

    Answer by EgoTryptophan at 8:22 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • FYI - he CAN'T just take your daughter.
    ABeaverhausen

    Answer by ABeaverhausen at 8:25 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • i am assuming that this is more than a body issue on your part
    some things you say about how he reacts and your lack of caring

    forces me to focus my attention elsewhere...this is not a caring partner
    I don't care either....this is someone who has given up
    makes my stomach turn thinking of him on top of me.... wow! something needs fixing before this can begin to change
    he threatens .... crosses the line by miles

    what else has gone on in this relationship, this is not just a sex thing, the sex or complete lack of wanting is not the cause it is the show that something else is going on here
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 8:26 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • U should go online and look up pointers on how to talk to him.... and as far as the sexual experiance you have made yourself not want it for so long now it is stuck but you learned it and you can unlearn it too. If you in fact do love him take some baby steps and let him know that you are trying to save the marriage just go with it. Start out with talking.... for a week or so, then when you ride together to the store or what ever hold hands, go out on a date or however many u need to and get back in touch with each other....if you do decide you want o have sex tell him not to say anything try a different position lights off something to only focus on the idea of wanting to and that is to satisfy.... and a little pointer if u gratify urself dont for a while like a really long while and everything he does will seem more intense and pleasing.
    mom2-6mineNhis

    Answer by mom2-6mineNhis at 8:29 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • No, it's not a body issue. He thinks I'm beautiful and tells me so. Usually when I have to focus attention, it's like last night...I wanted to have sex with him and I thought about initiating it.....I was going to take a shower and he was going to watch our DD, but just as I getting in the shower I heard her scream...I came back, cause she had fell and hurt her face...but he was fast asleep. I was so angry it took the attention off of how horny I was feeling and just made me feel bitter again.
    To everyone around us he's so sweet and loving and people just can't understand how I could be so unhappy. My mom is finally starting to see the little things and it's making her mad too....it's just little cracks that push me further and further away...and then he swears he'll fix it, and he's good for like a week or two and then we're right back where we were before. I just don't think I can do it anymore.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:33 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • Just from what you've stated here, this all started with your rejecting him. Also, based on what you've said, your husband is an exceptional man, and it's probably not him who needs the counseling. So, if I were you, I would start looking today for somebody who would tell me the truth about myself. You are angry at your husband about something. Maybe even you don't know what that is, but you sure need to find out. My guess is that the man loves you and wants to keep his family together. And you are taking care of yourself? And you assume that he is doing the same thing? He may very well have problems, but I don't think they could possibly be any bigger than the ones you have. Get some help. Life is too short to waste the love of a good man and the happiness of a life shared together. And even if you leave him, you are still going to have your same problems with you so I recommend getting them fixed now.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:36 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • I've talked to him. Nothing changes. We've gone on dates and I just feel so uncomfortable, he's upset if I call to check on our daughter like after the movie is over or after dinner. (Not every 5 minutes or anything) He pushes for sex so hard when we go out, it just makes it worse. Sometimes he acts like a guy in a bar or something trying to pick me up...you know cheesy comments and innuendos...it's not attractive or funny.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:36 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • i think ppl want to lay blame on a relationship too much the fact is if you want to fix it then you got to work for it, and the answer isnt always counseling. Look down in yourself and see all that has went on, only you can tell if this is worth the fight or not. Making threats and arguing happens all the time. No im not saying its ok but it happens, men get offended really easily and because they are the big babyies that they are react like children went a nerve is struck. Im on my second marriage now... i love my husband, but there were things I could have done to save my first marriage or at least not have ended so badly.
    mom2-6mineNhis

    Answer by mom2-6mineNhis at 8:37 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • I realize it's my problem... that's why I'm searching/looking for help. I know he's good and I should be happy, but I'm not. This is my second marriage, and I was really happy with my husband for years. We've known each other since we were 12. I lost my viriginity to him....I TRULY love him, I'm just no longer in love with him. And it hurts so much.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:44 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • it really does seem like ur making more out of his little things that they are worth, just out in out tell him just hold me tonight, ask him if he wants to check on the baby I do with my husband now, if i dont want to wich is rare and his is already to go, i tell him out plainly and sweetly can we cuddle for awhile then i fall asleep or we start talkn bout non toxic coverstations like have no meaning what so ever. "I think if i was a flower i would be a blue rose" stuff like that. I really think you are settin urself up, u should look in to how to aliveate some stress or something
    mom2-6mineNhis

    Answer by mom2-6mineNhis at 8:46 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

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