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3 Bumps

What should I do

I love my kids with all my heart and nothing will ever change that. My ex husband has my two oldest right now. We live 2hrs away and he only gets to see them every other weekend if that in fact. Now he is telling me that he will not watch them all summer, because he pays me child support and I still recieve it while he has got them for the summer. Wow really why does that matter if you dont get to see them all year. Then made the remark that he has already spent 100 dollars in food and he has only had them one week. I do recieve child support but i work and go to school full time, i was going to pick up a second job just to pay for school clothes. My current husband and I have 6 kids to provide for he pays child suporrt and provides for his kids as well as mine. My ex husband is always tellin everyone im greedy and dont spend his money on the kids, he even tells my kids that he gives me money so ask me for anything they want. Mind you im not greedy, i really need the help, I went 6 yrs with out his help at all infact i helped him and I still had the kids. I think he is making too big a deal out of the money thing now, im down in out cuz by the time i get a second job he will b bringin the kids back.

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mom2-6mineNhis

Asked by mom2-6mineNhis at 9:14 AM on Jun. 15, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 7 (157 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Maybe you can just ask him to sign his rights over since its that big of a deal to take care of them financially.
    Amberlovesher3

    Answer by Amberlovesher3 at 9:17 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • he would never do that these kids are 11 and 9 i believe he loves them he just being a jerk about the money... he also has 6 month twins and a baby on the way with different women who were best friends... because of his girlfriend now he wont have nothing to do his twins but she wont let him sign his rights away and hits him up for the same amount i get Im not making excuses for him, I am understanding but my kids were first and I already went half their lives with out help its not my fault he keeps having kids.
    mom2-6mineNhis

    Comment by mom2-6mineNhis (original poster) at 9:23 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • Did your ex-husband ever compensate you for the 6 years he missed paying you? If not you are owed back support and if you have prof you could go after him for that. If your custody agreement is every other weekend then you are out of luck because that is how his payments are structured. One would think if he has the time off he would want to spend it with his kids....any man can be a sperm donor, not all men can be a dad.
    sipn_mom

    Answer by sipn_mom at 9:29 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • im not owed back child support because we were still legally married the whole time and because i lived with him for like month before i got it finalized they said that we were a family unit again and all back child support was dropped... thats what im saying he works, well he has too, and he is off every weekend this only makes me upset cuz my kids want to spend time with him and they get mad at me when it doesnt happen. Trust me when he brings them back I will be dealing with the tears and tantrums for a while.
    mom2-6mineNhis

    Comment by mom2-6mineNhis (original poster) at 9:36 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • Being 2 hours away does make it a little difficult for him to see the kids every other weekend. That's 4 hours on the road round trip and 8 for the weekend, which doesn't give a whole lot of time. Not that I'm excusing him and not that it makes the children feel any better. As far as child support, it depends on what your agreement is. Sometimes it is lowered when they are away for the summer, and sometimes it isn't. There are also expenses that are still incurred by the children while they are away. You still have to pay rent/mortgage on a house that accomodates them which means your utility bills are higher than if you lived in a 1 bedroom house. You still have insurance you have to carry on them, etc. You're stronger than I am, I wouldn't allow my children to be away from me for an entire summer.
    attap5

    Answer by attap5 at 9:51 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • Does the child support agreement take into account the time he has them in the summer? I can see both sides on this one. If I could afford it, I would give him back the child support in the time that he has the kids because it is expensive having them. My son briefly went to live with his dad for a couple of months before he moved far away, and during those months I did give him back his child support (which was just way easier than going through the courts for such a temporary change) because it's expensive to raise a kid. Those months with my son showed him just how expensive that is and how little of it the child support actually covers.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 9:53 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • I know its a long trip up until the last 3 months I had been the one to take them all the way there and back, cuz we had to get my husband kids too but then his children were able to be met halfway n i started makeing them go half way too but still he wants to play the pitty party because he owes out over 1000 amonth for 4 kids two of them mine. I understand times are hard but thats just how it goes he did it tom himself

    Like i told everyone else its his relationship he is hurting not mine, i just dont know what to do as far as my kids go, how do i explain why they couldnt with out making it look like im bashing thier dad ... which i do not do at all
    mom2-6mineNhis

    Comment by mom2-6mineNhis (original poster) at 9:59 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • @riotgrrl i would if i could afford it, the thing is i even wrote down what we spend a month and what i make and what are bills are then i show him recipets of what i buy the kids as far as clothes and school supplies and im not talkin mall stuff im going to walmart n stuff and i still dont have enough he knows this and he knows my kids come first so if he needed something all he would have to do is ask they need food and i offered to get them some then he called back n said he got it covered... i really just think that he is comfortable with being apart time dad and haveing them almost 2wks is too much for him
    mom2-6mineNhis

    Comment by mom2-6mineNhis (original poster) at 10:07 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • Im sorry for your situation and try not to make such a big emphasis on the money. He pays child support - its just great. The rest of your story (he is being greedy, he is being over talkative, he is being un-supportive for what you are going through) leave it aside. You will have peace of mind if you will not mind what your ex is thinking, or speaking or doing behind your back. You are divorced. And that is a full stop. Enjoy your kids, work for 2 jobs if needed and dont beg for your husband for money, except for the official child support. Be higher than him and calmer than your ex. Your kids will appreciate your actions, whe they grow up.
    LadyGI

    Answer by LadyGI at 1:13 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • I say u should still keep the child support bc u need it to buy school clothes and supplies..just tell him that!
    Heather021287

    Answer by Heather021287 at 6:24 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

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