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5 Bumps

If you made the descision to work on your marriage after an affair.....

How long did it take for you to feel like you could look at your husband again, and want to work it out?

That's not exactly what I'm trying to ask I guess.

My husband agreed to go to his mom's so I could have some time by myself. He's supposed to be coming back this weekend, for our daughters recital and fathers day, but I'm just not sure I'm ready to have him back in the home.

I love him, and I do want to go to counseling and work things out, but I really can't even think about looking at him right now.

So I guess maybe I should ask, if you kicked him out/he left when did you feel like it was ok for him to come back?

I know it's a personal feeling and decision, but I'm just curious.

Answer Question

Asked by Xynyth at 9:46 AM on Jun. 15, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,659 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • It's been 10 years. We are still together. He is still having affairs after promising many many times to stop. He works OTR so I don't have to look at him, but when he's here, I have a hard time looking at him. He locks himself in the bedroom with the laptop the entire time. I know what he's doing. I told him there wasn't any initimacy coming from me because I don't want to catch anything. It's been like that for 3 years this month. I'm sorry I can't tell you how long. I'm a pretty forgiving person and I probably would have forgiven within a few months if it didn't keep continuing.

    Answer by attap5 at 9:58 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • I don't have an answer for you just wanted to say GL and hugs! Sorry you are going through this!

    Answer by Brandi300 at 10:09 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • It was a few months for me. I refuse to let him back until he was open and honest about everything. It will take sometime to not want to bust him upside the head. He did get to see ds whenever he wanted to, he just had to call first. I changed the locks and everything. So it was basically like we was going back to scare one(dating again). Only you know when you are ready to let him back. Next month will be 11yrs since we have been together. If you want to talk you can PM me. There is also a group called Love After Cheating. GL!

    Answer by babygirl0782 at 10:15 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • Thanks everyone. This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with.

    Comment by Xynyth (original poster) at 10:29 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • I should add he's only bee gone since Friday. It just feels too soon.

    Comment by Xynyth (original poster) at 10:30 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • Take your time and he should be VERY understanding that it is going to take time for you to come to term to what happened.

    Answer by babygirl0782 at 10:38 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • when YOU feel ready to havehim back in your life. I would start the counseling asap though.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 10:38 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • and as far as your daughters recital and fathers day, those are different, and part of his relationship with his daughter.. so don't punish both of them for an issue that's between the two of you either... what I mean by when YOU feel ready is for him to move back in and for you both to try a crack at your relationship, in the mean time, you still will have to deal with family issues separately.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 10:40 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • So do you think we should stay apart, but go to counseling together? I hadn't considered that. That might be a really good idea. I know we need the counseling right now, but I just assumed he'd be living here.... Something to think about, thanks.

    Comment by Xynyth (original poster) at 10:41 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • Oh of course. I would never keep the kids from him, or him from them. They didn't do anything to deserve being punished, and he didn't do anything to them KWIM? He's a good father, just a lousy husband right now.

    Comment by Xynyth (original poster) at 10:42 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

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