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is this normal? pleasee read

so ive been with my b/f for 2 years now and we have a good relationship, we talk about things fight occassionaly (not a sceaming match though) we do our parts to raise our daughter and we love eachother. for some reason lately i dont want to have sex with him...i do anyhow but it feels so uncomfortable (not like painful) more like i just REALLY dont want to do that to him. its never happened before and i dont know what is wrong. for like a day afterwards i feel dirty and gross and violated. ive talked to my psychologist and he has no suggestions i cant take it anymore and i dont want to hurt him. does anyone have an idea or experienced the same thing? anything would help.

Answer Question
 
xhellxfirex495

Asked by xhellxfirex495 at 10:49 PM on Dec. 11, 2008 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • you're connection is gone! find a way to regain it or figure out wether you want to be with him or not! listen to your heart!
    pinkclover

    Answer by pinkclover at 10:53 PM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • Maybe you feel "dirty" and "violated" because you are doing it even though you don't want to. You shouldn't feel like you have to do this when you don't want to. Maybe you just need to have better lines of communication with him. Does he know you don't want to and he pressures you anyway? Or do you just grit your teeth and bare it? Either way, you need to talk to him. There are some things you can do to rebuild your relationship. Touching, kissing, hugging, without the outcome of sex is one method that I have heard of. It's about establishing intimacy without the necessary outcome of sex. Just being affectionate with one another. I would look into techniques like that...
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 10:55 PM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • You can't build a lasting relationship on sex. There has to be committment on a much deeper level. I think that is probably what is missing with your boyfriend. Our hearts have a way of knowing there is something lacking even when our minds may not, and our whole being responds to what our hearts know to be true. You have a child to consider now, which makes the decision to walk away much more serious.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:17 PM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • It sounds like your not attracted to him anymore. Or your lusting about other men.
    MunkyS

    Answer by MunkyS at 12:42 AM on Dec. 12, 2008

  • actually i pretty much just grin and bear it. i dont look at other men really and i dont think thats the problem. he did gain weight after quitting smoking but that makes me feel disgusted with myself because what kind of person does that?
    i dont kno what my heart is saying, im just really confused.
    xhellxfirex495

    Answer by xhellxfirex495 at 1:19 AM on Dec. 12, 2008

  • Have it always been like this. Where you have sex with him just because he wants to, or has it always been you wanted to have sex with him when you guys have sex. I feel like this sometimes to though by it's always been like that. Do you guys spend entirely to much time together, and have to much sex?
    Mommy2Be172009

    Answer by Mommy2Be172009 at 10:24 PM on Dec. 12, 2008

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