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3 Bumps

Rasing child support amount WWYD

This is my friend's situation. She has 3 kids with her ex. They divorced 7 years ago, all 3 children are under 18 and so she gets child support for all of them. Only she hasn't had a review for child support since it was ordered 7 years ago. Now she knows her ex has gotten several raises but never did anything about it. Well now, he refuses to help pay for activities for the kids so she took him back to court, he has to pay 50% of all the activities plus he went from paying $676 a month to $993 (and his half of the activities for 3 kids is close to $500 a month as well). Well now his new wife (of 9 months) is tell my friend's kids that because of the increase in child support, they can't have a baby like they had "planned". She will say things to them like "I hope you enjoy your band practice because it's costing me to have another child" or "if your mother wasn't so greedy, I could have a baby of my own". I feel she is being a crazy bitch because this is what he should have been paying all along, how is it greedy that now he finally has to pay for it. I also think it is despicable that she would talk to children this way (ages 9-14). WWYD if you were the mom in the situation? WWYD if you were SM in the situation?

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JLS2388

Asked by JLS2388 at 12:37 PM on Jun. 15, 2011 in Relationships

Level 25 (25,280 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • I would be livid if I were the biomom! In my custody agreement we have it stated that no adult matters between he and I will be discussed in front of the children. It's not greedy at all that she took him back to court, she could have had it changed long before she did. My ex is supposed to pay 1/2 of the kids activities as well, but I can't even get him to pay child support!
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 12:39 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • i would talk to the father about the wife. she did the right thing. he didn;t want to pay for the responsiblity of the children. and the stepmom needs to shut up and mind her own business. i hate women that go into a relationship with a man with kids and thinks its all about them. she knew he had kids. i mean really. i hate women like that.
    lambdarose

    Answer by lambdarose at 12:40 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • I think she needs to have a long talk with her ex, and tell him that the SM, needs to knock off talking to the kids that way, I also think she knew he had kids when they got married, and she sounds awful.. Your friend can take them back to court and demand supervised visitation, if she doesn't cool her jets,, this would qualify as emtional abuse, and I doubt he wants to fork over more money to fight it, so he will probably make her shut her trap!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 12:42 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • That is an inexcusable way to talk to the children. It is not their fault. I can see where it's difficult to have a big chunk taken out of your budget every month, and everyone's got a right to their feelings. But she does not have a right to take those feelings out on the kids or even express them to the kids. I do get irritated sometimes when my SD's biomom thinks it's ok to make $$$$ decisions without DH's input and then expects him to just pony up the money, but I'd never take it out on my SD or bitch at her about it. If my son's stepmom was talking like this to my son, I'd have to talk to them about it. Usually I have a very hands off approach to what goes on at dad's house, but this stepmom is crossing that line IMO.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 12:56 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • Ew. that makes me mad.. I am a non-violent person, but if I were your friend i would have to keep myself from punching that woman...

    I think it would be funny if one of the kids ( like the 14 year old ) said something like " well it IS a good idea that idiots dont reproduce anyways"
    2lilbumblebees

    Answer by 2lilbumblebees at 2:07 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • She needs to talk to the ex husband. That is not appropriate. And if he would have just helped out with activities, she probably wouldn't have gone back to court... sucks to be him, sucks to be new wife, they need to get over it.
    daughteroftruth

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 3:01 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • Well now his new wife (of 9 months) is tell my friend's kids that because of the increase in child support, they can't have a baby like they had "planned". She will say things to them like "I hope you enjoy your band practice because it's costing me to have another child" or "if your mother wasn't so greedy, I could have a baby of my own".

    The mom needs to speak to her ex about this and let him know if she continues the courts will be involved to make her stop. If the woman wants another child she should get a job or a second job it isn't the moms problem or the kids problem at all. Stepmoms who do this are vile people. Don't marry a man with kids if you don't want to pay child support.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:11 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • I have been step mom in a similar situation... I hold my head high, stand behind my husband, and love his children with the same intensity that I love him. I understand this womans feelings, but saying that to his kids is horrid. I understand her venting to friends or even on cafe mom, but venting to the kids will just cause turmoil in thier relationship with thier father.
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 3:28 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • She did the right thing. He was being a douche by refusing to help with activities so now he gets to pay the piper. My ex was like that and for two years after we separated I did not have the courts set up child support for my daughtr. I just kept hoping he would grow a conscience and help me. Well finally I did it and you know what at that time he was ordered to pay $165 a week. That is for one child. Now he is really suffering and begs me to lower it, but my attitude about it is you didn't give a flying fornication about us struggling when you weren't paying, why should I care if you never have a nice thing again? Terrible but true. Now, I don't even need it but I am not lowering it. Hannah can just go to college in Switzerland if she wants and we can pay cash :) Thanks douchebag... ha sorry I got off track...

    Anyway, the stepmom is a jerk and an idiot. Your friend was right!
    BriHan06

    Answer by BriHan06 at 4:06 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • I really can't say much, because I have never modified child support, and ours started in '98. But......yes, she has every right to have it modified.
    The chick running her mouth, saying all of that crap......that is WRONG!!! She has no right to say anything like that!!!
    jucyfrut

    Answer by jucyfrut at 6:27 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

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