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4 Bumps

How to deal with a family member like this ?

I have tried very hard to get along with my brother wife, especially now that is about to give birth to my first nephew ( their first child ) .

I am not exagerating when i say that she has tried everything to put a wedge between my brother and our family, and honestly we have NEVER done anything to make her want to do that ( the first time we met her she instantly dis-liked us ) . Which after we found out she was once married to one of my moms co-workers, we realized that it really wasn't us, it is her, because she also did the same thing to him and his family ( which is why he divorced her a couple years ago) .

Anyways, my family and I are very excited about the new baby, the only other kids in the family are mine and they are school aged, so it is just exciting that we are going to have a baby around again.

She has already set some rules about when we can visit ( we have to give a 3 days notice) , which I can understand but it is still insulting because her family and friends do not have to go by this rule) ... but we are willing to deal with that.

Well the reason I am writing this is because i am still upset from this past weekend which was her babyshower . I got a few outfits, a few baby toys and then I got this silver baby music box, which his name engraved ... i spent alot of time and money getting it, because it is something we got for my kids as well, and I just considered it something special ( a keepsake) ... It isnt that big ( a little bigger than the size of my hand) , so it isnt like it is a big disraction or anything like that, so I am sure the reason she is complaining about it not matching the baby's room decore is just her being spiteful...

Before giving it to her at the shower I had shown my brother and he loved it, because like my kids, my brother and I also had them when we were little ( my mom still has them sitting out in her house ) ... He even said that he had tried to find one, but couldnt find any he liked...So after she told me she didnt like it she told my brother if he likes it so much he can put it in his office at work...

So not only was she rude ( in front of everyone at the babyshower she says " Oh i dont think i really would want something like this in his room" and snarls up her lip as she sits it down like it is a bug or something) ...but I really believe she did it on purpose , if she really cared THAT much about how the babys room looked, I think the room would actualy be more put together or something... she has several none baby things laying around in there, and you would surely notice those thing before noticing this little keepsake.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:48 PM on Jun. 15, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • Your brother needs to step up to this situation. She can't be making the house rules unless he allows her to do so. And I can just imagine telling my husband that something his family had taken such care to give me would not be allowed in the baby's room or even in the house!! Your brother needs to take charge of his own home, and that's exactly how I would handle this situation--by telling him he'd better get a handle on this situation pretty quickly or it's only going to get worse. To be honest, he should have done it before he made a baby with her, but he for sure had better take control of this now. And, unless he told me to give him 3 days notice before coming over, I wouldn't be doing it. I would call him and say we are thinking we want to see the baby--is now a good time. Just because she says something does not make it the law. Now if he tells you himself, that will be different. This is ridiculous.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:54 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • She sounds like a b-i-t-c-h.I feel sorry for your brother.Even if I was to recieve something I didnt like as a gift..I would never EVER announce it.She is beyond rude and ungrateful.And whats not to like about a silver music box?It would seem to me something like that would go with any type of room decor.
    Your poor brother :(
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 1:55 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • She probably has her own ideas of what she wants and maybe before the baby comes you should all sit down and hash it out not talking to us but tell her everything you said and asking her how its going to be. How can this be made better and offer some suggestions and maybe offer up the olive branch it can only help.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 1:59 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • Regardless of this whole thing being her or you all, you need to understand your brother is married to this woman and having a baby with her so trying to make him choose sides is a bad idea not to mention extremely petty. The better part of his loyalty does not lie with you and your parents anymore and that is not wrong. You're still family but you don't get to tell him how to run his life, his wife or have say overy their baby. She could have handled the gift situation better even if she really didn't like it, I'll admit. But you barging in and telling your brother he needs to get a handle on his wife as was suggested above will not solve anything and will be a guaranteed trouble starter. So will telling them you will see their baby whenever you want. Three days warning is a bit much but honestly at this point it sounds a lot like it's not just her. You sound jealous of your brother having a family and it's creepy.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:17 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • Are you sure your brother and my brother aren't married to the same woman?? Lol, my SIL always makes it pretty clear when she doesn't like a gift, if she even opens it at all. She's very snotty, rude, and quite frankly, just a self centered bitch. Unfortunately, until your brother (and my brother lol) realizes how she is, there's not much you can do. If you speak up, it's liable to cause more issues and possibly isolation from them. People like that, you have to kill with kindness, even if you'd rather poke your eyeballs out. By showing that she gets to you in ANY way, it tells her that she's won, and that's the last thing you want her to believe. Keep your distance without seeming rude and if you get the chance to talk to your brother alone, let him know your concerns, but DONT make it seem like you are personally attacking her. Am i making sense? lol
    DJsMommy610

    Answer by DJsMommy610 at 2:17 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • How does that sound like I am jealous of my brother having a family? I am VERY happy and excited that he is having children , and i would LOVE if he had a wife that treated him well, and that I could have some sort of relationship with...I realize that, that isnt how it is and i try to accept that, but that doesnt mean i cant get upset when she acts like a b*tch.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:21 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • Honestly you are kind of stuck here.

    Yeah 3 days is pretty ridiculous, but like you said already you will deal with that in order to see your nephew.

    She was pretty childish about how she handled the gift. I admittedly got some gifts at my youngest's shower that I did not like, but I put on a smile and said thank you. (The one that comes to mind is the handmade bear that reminded me of pedobear and had a very scary face... my 4 year old asked why the bear was mean. haha) Anyway I still wrote a thank you letter and the person who gave me the gift has no idea I didn't really care for it. Most you can do is calmly mention to your brother that it hurt your feelings that your SIL was so obviously and vocally displeased with your gift.

    Sorry you are going through this and I hope it all works out.
    kfroz0415

    Answer by kfroz0415 at 2:57 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • Sounds like your sil is the woman who was posting yesterday about how she hates her fiances family. Your brother needs to stand up and make sure his family isn't cut off. It is sad he picked someone like her but he did and you might find him cutting you out of his life more and more after the baby is born. She will use the baby as a weapon against him if he goes against her so I really feel for him, you and the baby.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:06 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • I remember an earlier post about this SIL... She is just going to get worse. please look up 'golden uterus syndrome' so that you can prepare yourself and maybe even your brother. You will be lucky to see this baby at all. What you witnessed at the shower was a power play. Your brother has no control of this situation ,and if he tries to regain control she will take the baby from you all ;forever if possible. I am so sorry for the pain and suffering this woman has and will bring to all of your lives.
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 3:19 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • Hon, she's just a bitch. Nothing will change her, so either learn to accept her for how and what she is or have very limited contact with her. She's an uppity bitch. And I would never get her another thing.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 3:28 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

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