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Any tips on how to deal with my BF's 6 yr old girl who resents the time I spend with her dad?

She likes me and always wants to play with me, have me over, do her hair, etc, but she says I can't spend the night, I need a nametag to enter the kitchen, I should pay a bill to come over, and she gives me notes that say "I hate all moms except mine." I have one son and my BF has 3 kids who all get along great. We have a great chemistry. The problem is I take the 6 yr old's resentment a little too much to heart. How can I deal with this without being snotty back to her or resentful myself?

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momnotmom

Asked by momnotmom at 2:44 PM on Jun. 15, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 3 (15 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I would tell her that you are sorry that she feels that way. That you know that you are not her mom and can not ever take her place...but you hope that the two of you can be friends.
    Shaken1976

    Answer by Shaken1976 at 2:47 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • talk to the dad if you are in a serious relationship or want one with him in the future..maybe you could all sit down and have a talk the 3 or you..tell her the way she acts is hurting your feelings and you want to be great friends with her...now my next thought is that i bet her mom is putting these ideas in her head and if thats the case your bf needs to address that issue also
    jorjiegirl

    Answer by jorjiegirl at 2:48 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • I agree with shaken
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 2:48 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • Sounds like you and her dad need to have a talk with her...she is old enough to understand that you are not trying to replace her mom and that you love her and her daddy very much and that what she does is hurting you...or just totally ignore it unless it;s bothering your b/f..either way she needs the reassurance you are not tryin to be her mommy
    happymama02

    Answer by happymama02 at 2:57 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • you all three need to spend more time together doing things she wants to do and make sure she knows that you can never take her moms place that you just love them all so much and want to be included and i agree with the other answers also. i was with a guy that has a 7 year old boy and i made sure he knew id do whatever for him, he actually started calling me his mom. so we had to make sure he knew i wasnt his mom. but do whatever you can to get close to her
    tif0530

    Answer by tif0530 at 2:58 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • I agree with the first poster. Put yourself in her position and think about how you would feel here. It will take some time and patience, but I wish you the best of luck!
    Kword

    Answer by Kword at 3:03 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • This sounds like more than mere resentment. A 6 year old telling you you should pay a bill to come over is a very adult topic for a child that young to even understand?! The "I hate all moms except mine" also sounds more like she is repeating it, rather than somthing she came up with on her own. I am a step parent and what youre hearing sounds very familiar to me. It sounds like somthing that the child has been told by her mother. I reccomend that you look up PAS(parental alienation syndrome) and see if the proverbial shoe fits. I agree with shaken on what your response should be. But to add to it, make sure that you do not bad mouth the mother or let her father, in front of the kids. Doing so will make things worse. My best advice to women getting involved with men that have children is this.... If he is not father of the year, working2+ jobs, and making you dinner...dont.
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 3:05 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • Her dad and I have talked about this and he said too that the things she's saying to me are quite similar to things her mom has said to him and that he's pretty sure her mom is goading her into these statements/actions. He's going to talk to his daughter 1:1 to make sure she understands how important she is to him and how to make good decisions about her actions. I'm going to talk to her about our relationship and how important it is for us both to be in Dad's life.
    momnotmom

    Comment by momnotmom (original poster) at 1:20 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

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