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4 Bumps

Shouldn't I be happy

My boyfriend finally proposed to me after 8 and a half years of being together. Eventhough my heart says that I should be happy I don't feel it because not only did he proposed he also broke some heartbreaking news to me; he told me that he cheated on me with another woman and now she's pregnant with his child; whom he doesn't believe is his because he claims that he used protection and that it was only a one night stand but the girl is positively sure that it is his, he also says that he doesn't want to lose me and that he realized after sleeping with the girl that he truly does love me and that he's going to prove to me that he can be trusted again. He also wants to have another baby with me (just to show that he could be committed to me and this family)he even offered to buy me a bigger ring...I guess I'm just asking what should I do because I do love him with all my heart and I did want to spend the rest of my life with him but how do I know that he's not going to mess around with someone or if the same thing isn't going to happen again...I mean should I be happy considering that I waited eight long years for a proposal and I finally got it...i mean what would you do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:53 PM on Jun. 15, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (29)
  • I wouldn't have gotten to eight years with him. Sorry. Walk away.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:54 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • What a jerk making his proposal a pity plea. I would say to leave him if it were me. I could never trust him again, and his baby with the other woman is going to be a life long reminder that he was unfaithful. I think he needs time to get his shit together and you need time to yourself. This is horrible. So Sorry. Good Luck.
    Bugzmomma

    Answer by Bugzmomma at 2:57 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • I think I would at least wait until the paternity test comes back on the child of the 'other' woman. I think either way I'd be done; but he could be truly regretful and remorseful and maybe it could still work.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 2:57 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • I have been married to my husband for nearly 14 years, and I would divorce him in a minute if he EVER cheated on me. It's a deal breaker for me in any situation.
    JulieJacobKyle

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 2:57 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • Guilt makes people do extreme things,doesnt it?
    I'd tell him too little too late.
    Sorry that happened to you. :(
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 2:58 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • Shouldn't I be happy

    fuck no
    he cheats and a way to 'get out of it" is to propose marriage after all these years and maybe i should throw in let's have another baby

    does this marriage proposal and baby lets have a baby EQUAL out the hey by the way a fucked another woman and she is pregnant

    dump the asshole, let the other woman have him

    should you be happy?
    i am surprised you are not speaking of him in a PAST tense!!
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 2:58 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • I think he's a damn jerk for making this moment that was supposed to be incredible into something that you will always remember as the day something was broken. I would tell him to hold off and try asking again later on after you work through all of this. I found out not too long ago that my husband of 4 1/2 years cheated on me. It's difficult to work through, but you can do it if it's what you both want! ...I would, however, hold off on giving an answer for a long time to make sure it's going to work out first. Good luck!
    Kword

    Answer by Kword at 2:59 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • think about it
    MAYBE just MAYBE
    he is only admitting to this other woman because she is going to have his child, file for support and you were to find out anyway
    MAYBE MAYBE, he would have said nothing if she was not pregnant, MAYBE he would not even have proposed

    sad, sad, sad

    dump the dirtbag
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 3:00 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • I would say he has a lot of cleaning up to do before he can earn your trust back and until he has done that, then no I wouldn't marry him. I see no reason for happiness in this scenario. I'm not suggesting that you cut him out completely, but I would definitely create some distance. Give him a chance to sort out his mess and when he can come to you with a clean slate and a clear conscious then you could talk about a future.
    marshsmom

    Answer by marshsmom at 3:01 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • If you truly love him, I would separate myself completely from him, telling him that a year from now, if he has gotten his mess all straightened out, and if he still wants to marry me, to come back and we will talk about it. In the meantime, there will be absolutely no physical contact nor will there be any more until after we are married, if indeed that does take place. There are too many "what ifs" in this situation to even think about committing to this guy in marriage. I would want every single one of them resolved before the wedding took place, and that should be your decision alone. He has to prove himself and he should have to start today!!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:02 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

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