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How do I?

Lately there's been so much arguing and fighting over jobs and money I don't even feel close to my husband anymore. We've been together almost 3 years but haven't even been married a year yet. We have a 4 mo old baby and I don't want him to feel us being stressed or hear us yelling all the time. I feel so depressed we can't pay our bills and I take it out on him a lot! I don't even feel like we're a family, but I know I love him and I want to make things work. How do we keep the romance in this tough economy! Also we don't have anyone to watch our son or money to go out an do anything.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:23 AM on Dec. 12, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • Blame it on the economy not him! My husband is layed off AND un employment is backed up therefore we haven't got his money in a month! We don't have ANY money. None..You need to relax and learn to come together during this time. We haven't fought over money because we know there is nothing we can do about it. Just calm down and quit starting fights over things that can't be controlled by him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:26 AM on Dec. 12, 2008

  • i have the same issue...i have been with my daughters dad for 4 years..she is 11 months old this month...i dont wok and havent since she was born..i have been stresing out so much and i do yell at him for it..almost every couple fights over money..it will take time and strength!!!!
    nesamama

    Answer by nesamama at 1:27 AM on Dec. 12, 2008

  • As hard as it is...this is when the two of you need to have each other's back. Work together on the bill issues, and when either of you starts feeling like you're going to lose control, take a break. The bills aren't going anywhere!
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:29 AM on Dec. 12, 2008

  • But you have money for internet? OMG. You should prolly be at Denny's or Waffle House making some money right now. I work nights and my SO works days. We see each other for like an hour and a half at night. We're doing what we have to to get bet by. You have a kid now... you may not have a date night for a long time. It just happens. Stop arguing and fix the problems. Yes your child will notice the fighting and it will effect their way of communicating.
    CM2TX08

    Answer by CM2TX08 at 1:29 AM on Dec. 12, 2008

  • I wouldn't be as frustrated but he hasn't kept a steady job in the past 2 years we've been together. Plus, anytime we get a little money he spends it. Dollar movie here, value menu there, toy for our baby yah know...it all adds up! It's nice that he gets a dollar movie so we have something to watch but that's what we pay cable for and I don't even want to be paying for that! It's also nice he buys our little man a 3-4 dollar toy now and then but it's not a need...It's a want and right now we can't even afford needs!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:30 AM on Dec. 12, 2008

  • yah...easier said then done! CM2...we don't have dennys or waffle house and I've got unemployment right now. I've applied for over 100 jobs and i've gotten 2 interviews...it's the economy right now...no one here is hiring. I'm not worried about date night as much as i'm worried about paying bills and just because you have a child does not mean you have to give that up.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:34 AM on Dec. 12, 2008

  • I totally agree. We have date night, but we have the money. I work for that though. I miss out on family time (which I've debated quitting several times) and I dont really get to realax ever. I take care of my kiddo for 12 hours then go to work as soon as my SO walks through the door. I've never been on umemployment, but isnt it like a percentage of what you used to make? I guess it's better than nothing. I took my SO's debit card and his checks are directly deposited to the bank. Maybe you should try that. How come he hasnt kept a job?
    CM2TX08

    Answer by CM2TX08 at 1:40 AM on Dec. 12, 2008

  • I don't know...There is always a different reason. There's been so many, I don't even care to ask why anymore...once it was he quit to take a better one, then that one laid him off, then the next one told him he wasn't learning fast enough, then got in a fight with a co worker, then they didn't need help anymore, then back pain from lifting heavy boxes I don't remember the reasons for the other jobs.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:26 AM on Dec. 12, 2008

  • When we were younger, my dh was jr in the military, I was a sahm, and we had 2 little kids. Money was really tight. Not to mention living far from family or friends that we were really close to, so we didn't have anyone like that we could turn to for a break.

    Here are some of the things we did that was cheap / free to help stay connected. Have dinner late - wait until the baby is asleep, then make dinner together - it doesn't have to be something expensive, it can be something that's your favorites, something you've never tried before, something silly (like everything starts with the same letter, it's the same color, or you're working your way around the world doing a different ethnic dish each time, whatever). Then, even though you aren't going out, still get dressed up, do your makeup, whatever, and have a candle light picnic in the living room, just the two of you.

    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:56 AM on Dec. 12, 2008

  • You can also get creative with games - play cards against each other - if you want, make it strip ___ card game.

    Instead of presents, give each other coupon books that you make yourself, such as - I'll clean the kitchen when it's not my night. One free backrub. One free foot massage. One free own the remote all night. It can be as sexy or as practical as you want to make it.

    Get dry erase markers - you can leave love notes to each other on the bathroom mirrors - it cleans off easy, and it's cheaper than cards.

    Do something cheezy like get a puzzle and do it together.

    Get books from the library and read to each other.
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:56 AM on Dec. 12, 2008

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