I usually don't come on at night, but I really need some advice,,I have been off for a few days, and shut my phone off, just wanted to be with my family,, anyway, today I had 13 messages from my friend's sister,, he died,,,We were roomates in college and really close, although we lived far apart, I knew he had been struggling with alcohol, but had been sober for almost 15 years,, anyway I missed the funeral and everything, she told me he was hit head on by a drunk driver,, I bawled for 2 hours.
HERE is the kicker,, I thought it might be nice to send his wife flowers or something, so I googled his name and Tampa FL. I didn't want to bother them with getting the address, holy mother of god, he killed himself, right after he got out of jail for setting a camera up in a Starbucks bathroom! I am sick,, the person I knew would not do anything like this,, my husband is no longer sympathetic,, and I just feel ill, should I write the wife and the sister? It WAS ALL over the news with his picture and everything,, IDK what to do or what to feel.
Whew, this is a hard one to get your mind around. I would send a sympathy card to the family , regardless of how, it is a loss. Families dealing with death of a loved one due to suicide are often embarrassed and ashamed. I would not speak directly to them about what you found out. I didn't tell people I knew for many years that my brother hung himself. Mental illness can be hidden for many years, and then rear it's head beyond control later. He was your friend. At the time you knew him he was a stand up guy. Alcohol abuse probably plays a big part here. The other thing I wanted to mention..there is a very distinct possibility he was sexually abuse when younger. The stats show that most abusers, were abused themselves. That isn't an excuse, just an observation. Mostly you just have to figure out how to forgive him to gain closure. You don't forgive him for him, You do it for you. HUGS<3
Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 10:33 PM on Jun. 15, 2011
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