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How would you deal with a neighbor like this?

I have a three year old daughter and am guarded regarding the children I allow her to consistently play with. We have a neighbor directly across the street from us with a three year old of their own who is very disobedient and hyper. What happens constantly is I will be watching my daughter ride around on her bike in the driveway or we'll be covering the cement with chalk drawings when out steps this child. I know what is about to happen... his mother (as he is running over) will call over, "Can he play with you guys?" WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY? It puts me in such an awkward situation. I've found myself leading my daughter into the backyard when I think they might try to send him over... but I am sick of not being able to play in our front property without having to deal with this! I am not a babysitter, he is not a child with whom I want my daugher playing with all the time, and when he is over, he doesn't listen to what I say anyways... without being mean and telling me to move to the country (which I'd seriously love to do), please tell me what you would do and how you would do it so that I can maintain a certain level of neighborliness. Thanks!

 
theitalian3721

Asked by theitalian3721 at 10:40 PM on Jun. 15, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 3 (26 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • This is one of the reasons I home school. I can choose who my children play with. Neighbors are different, you are kind of stuck with them. I'm not very tactful when it comes to telling people straight out something that may be hurtful, but if you can muster it, I would just tell her that you are concerned because...and then list the reasons why. Tell her that you are raising your daughter to act a certain way and she is learning behaviors from him that is unbecoming to your daughter and your family. Tell her you know everyone raises their children differently and allows different things and you respect that, but it is not a choice for your family.
    attap5

    Answer by attap5 at 9:53 AM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • I would tell her that you are trying to have some one on one time with your daughter.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 1:23 AM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • Just tell them that you would rather he didn't. They will catch the drift after a few times of saying that.
    Melbornj

    Answer by Melbornj at 10:42 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • Tell the mom that you are worried for his safety because he doesn't listen to what you are saying when he is on your property and you do not want him to be injured and you would just be more comfortable if she kept him at home.

    OR

    You could tell her that you are uncomfortable with such a hyper child and then go with the safety issue thing.
    SpiritedWitch

    Answer by SpiritedWitch at 11:19 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • tell her the truth. you want to play with your daughter, you're not a babysitter, and you don't feel comfortable with her son since he doesn't listen and follow your rules. period. the mom is lazy and doesn't give a shit. jeez, people like that annoy me. but the fact is, if something were to happen to that child on your property, you could/would be held responsible. I had a neighbor like this too.Her kids (age 7 and 8) would come over and just go into our garage and play with our toys. they were destructable and naughty. i told the mom they needed to ask permission. And i told the girls since they were old enough, if they were on my property, they have to follow my rules, or go home.
    boobarandbell

    Answer by boobarandbell at 9:05 AM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • Play in your backyard. When this kid comes over,go into your house. Take a walk.
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 10:49 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • I think you might have to be honest and let her know that you are not a babysitter he does not mind or follow the 'house rules' and you would prefer that he not come overf to play. If you want to be a bit nicer, you could tell her that you and your daughter are having 'mom/daughter' time and that you are not available for a play date at this time. Let her know that you prefer playdates to be set up ahead of time and not made last minute.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 1:52 AM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • Tell the child that if he wants to play with your daughter you dont allow certain behavior, and if he does this behavior you dont like he will have to go home. We had a child try and throw tantrums etc at our house and just told him we dont do that here. Make sure you can stand by sending him home so he takes you seriously. Ive had to tell children before that at our house the parents are in charge not the child.
    cluemein

    Answer by cluemein at 2:09 AM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • I have done this more than once.... If he acts up I will tell him he would have to sit in time out. If he says "NO". Then I tell him he has to go home. Then I will walk him across the street. (yes, sometimes they are crying) When the mother asks why I am brining him home I simply tell her the truth.....I asked Timmy twice to stop running into the street and he would not so I put him into time out and he said "NO" he would not go, so I had to bring him home.

    I have never had a parent get upset with me.
    sipn_mom

    Answer by sipn_mom at 9:48 AM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • I like the one on one time answer. But being upfront and honest is a good way too.
    Shaken1976

    Answer by Shaken1976 at 10:21 AM on Jun. 16, 2011