Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Should I let him be there when the baby is born?

Been married for 11years, we have an 8yo. He has been cheating on me, he really had another life with this woman. She contacted me. he put me down, he has not been there for me, since febuary, when I found all this out. Im due in july, now hes asking me if he can take me to hospital when im in labor, and how excited he is for our baby to be born. He acts like nothing happened. He has put me through hell during this pregnancy. I dont know if he is still with this other woman. We still live under the same roof. What should I do? Help mommys!

Answer Question

Asked by Monicaml at 11:10 PM on Jun. 15, 2011 in Relationships

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • I think that despite the things going on in your relationship... this is still his child. I think, that I probably would let him be in the room, but you need another support person there as well. And if you want him to leave, then you can have a code word or something with the nurse so they can make something up to make him leave. make it clear to him that you are still, hurt and angry, and this doesn't mean you are making up or forgiving etc.. that its about the baby. Not either of you. BUT, ultimatly this is your choice. If you feel uncomfortable, and dont want him there, then tell him to f@!%* off.

    Answer by Tarrar at 11:16 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • Wow... have you asked him if he is with her still? You need to talk about this with him (if you think it will stress you out now, then after the baby is born, I guess.) Have you thought about counseling for both of you OR just for you, or even divorce? I can understand why you wouldn't want him there. Maybe you could tell your doctor and have the doc make something up about why he needs to leave the room. Docs often support their patients especially if they think something might hinder a successful labor.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:17 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • Or better yet, tell the nurse, as Tarrar suggested.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:18 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • Agree w/ Tarrar, regardless of your relationship, he is still the father and deserves to see his child be born.

    Answer by cdecker83 at 11:18 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • Personally, I wouldn't have him there. But I wouldn't still be living in the same house as him either. So that has to be a decision you make. If he will make you uncomfortable or stressed, it is best that he not be there. During labor, you don't want someone there who will make you feel that way.

    Answer by marybeth927 at 11:20 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • I think that even though he was a big jerk to you you should still let him be there for the birth of the baby at the end of the day he is the daddy & it's nice that at least he wants to be there, besides let him sign the birth certificate so that way you can put him on child support & leave his a** lol. But yeah let him be there it's his child too after all, just make sure you let him know that this doesn't mean your forgiving what he has put you through so for him not to get twisted. GL & Congrats on your little bundle of joy to be =)

    Answer by VanillaBlondie8 at 11:21 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • Personally I wouldn't have him there....hell I wouldn't be with him period. You are already stressed enough, why would you want that in the delivery room? He can see the baby afterward, he will be of no help to you while in labor.

    Answer by GomezMami2908 at 11:23 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • I would say no not just no but NO!!! With things like this men don't understand that just because they are over whatever the problem is that doesn't mean you are going to be..... Sense he chose this it is in your timing when you feel like things can be OK again not his... So by not letting him in during the birth is something that is personal and from what you have said he is no kind of person!!!
    Good Luck to you!!

    Answer by Lvmyblessings at 11:25 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • I think that if he is going to distract you and stress you out, then he should not be there. Too bad if he wants to, he is not the one pushing a baby out. He can wait in the waiting room and see the baby after he is born. Yes, it is his child too, but you are also HIS WIFE, and he broke trust with you in a horrible way, so it is understandable that you wouldn't want him there at a vulnerable and special moment in your life after what he has done and as you said, may possibly still be doing. He did this to himself. I hope you are in a situation where you can talk it out with him, and that you are soon able to leave him if need be.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:27 PM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • It is really your choice but I wouldnt let him partake in that joyful moment if he put you through all those changes while you were still caring the baby and his acting like nothing ever happened isnt right either he should at least acknowledge what he did was wrong he doesnt deserve to be there for the birth if he couldnt support you through out the pregnancy and cheating isnt very supportive at all

    Answer by MsSmoove at 12:13 AM on Jun. 16, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.