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"other woman" question

my husband is disabled and has been depressed for sometime because of it. I recently found out that he was involved with a woman online that lives in another state. He had told her that he wanted to marry her and she was actually planning a wedding with him, never having met him. They had only been talking for one month. I was very hurt and my husband and I talked it out and he said he was really depressed about his situation and since he couldnt do anything but lie in bed and play online, he felt really alone. I admit that I had really only been attending to his physical needs, like cooking for him and taking care of our kids and house, basically I have to do everything right now so I really wasnt paying attention to our relationship like I should have. He told me he had no intention of leaving me, he loved me and that he was basically just seeing how far this chick would go with this before she demanded to meet. He seriously would not be able to meet her as he is bedridden right now, and she didnt know that. I read all the messages back and forth from them, Facebook keeps all the messages and they didnt know it..we deleted his account and I messaged her and told her the truth. She told me she had no idea that he was married and that she would blovk him from contact. I found out that she had set him up with the FB account (it was different from hjis real one, they were the only ones on it) and I saw she had set him up with a hotmail account. I asked him for the password and he said he didnt know it, she never gave it to him and he never used it, it was just to set up the FB account. So we have been working on our relationship, spending more time together and I realized how neglected he was, lying back in the bedroom all alone while life went on in the rest of the house. NOT THAT THIS EXCUSED WHAT HE DID! but he did apologize and like I said , we have been working on it...now for my question...he just had surgery the other day and while I was in the hospital with him, I had my laptop and I was really bored, so I figured out the password to the email account and snooped in that, basically it was all the FB messages but there was one message that didnt show up on FB and that was where she messaged him and told him I had sent her a friend request. So she did know he was married...and that pissed me off. I would never hold the other woman to blame if she didnt know the guy was married, but if she knows then she is just as much to blame as he is...so I go snooping for info on her and I find her real FB page and it has all these references to Jesus and how much she loves God, how active she is in her church and her is the kicker,she WORKS at her church as the secretary.. So this God fearing woman who proclaims to be a Christian KNEW she was fucking around with a married man and was planning a wedding with him. I want to call the pastor of her church and let him know what kind of person he has working for him...I really do....I know I shouldnt...and I need someone to tell me not to...this was over a month ago, my husband was not even upset that they were "broken up" he was sad that he had hurt me and we are getting along better, but it just PISSES me off that she KNEW, LIED and pretends to be Sister Christain....

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:39 AM on Jun. 16, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I am a horrible person I guess because while I wouldn't kick her ass I would print all that crap and send it to her church to jack her up. Sorry this happened.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 8:46 AM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • True,everything that glitters is not gold.
    Sarah961

    Answer by Sarah961 at 3:45 AM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • do you feel better now that you got that off your chest? Leave her alone, and concentrate on giving your husband the companionship he obviously needs. She was giving him something that you weren't and now that you know what it is, you give it too him. I would start by trying to get him out of the bedroom and into the living room, so that he feels that he is part of the family. Involve him in conversations with the kids, and talk to him while you are fixing dinner, folding laundry, etc. They have lifts that help to make the transfer, it's extra work for you but I think the benefits would pay you back for the extra effort. You can get a home health nurse to come in and help you do it the first few times, talk to his doctor. I hope you are taking full advantage of the help that is available to you honey. You sound like you are headed for a burnout if you don't get some help. I'm here to talk to if you want. Just message me
    MamaAlice54

    Answer by MamaAlice54 at 3:54 AM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • Do they have any contact with each other now? my husband had a affair about 5 years ago and when he admitted it i didnt ask any questions because i didnt want him to leave me for the other woman, now we have talked about why he felt the need to cheat, not that theres any excuse, and he said he use to go over to her house after work while i was asleep, that hurt deep, idk why almost 5 years later, but he had this woman's phone # and she was a friend on facebook-i demanded he delete both, he did but i still sneak and check him phone and face book once in awhile. you have to find some way to move on and not keep being anger. i know it will take time but belive me in time it will get eaiser. try putting your focus on something other than what they did, but he needs to be an open book with you and tell u everything now so u dont find it out later...... make him accounttable to u!!! good luck!!!!!
    carol00

    Answer by carol00 at 4:23 AM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • Don't. If you are indeed a person with a Faith in God then you know that exposing her and putting her on trial is the wrong thing to do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:27 AM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • Leave it alone. Let sleeping dogs lie. Yes, it stinks that she passes herself off as a Christian, but there are lots of pedophiles and lechers that do the same thing (not that that makes it right, it is just that I am not surprised.) Nothing real can happen between her and your husband, remember that. It was like a game to him. If I were you I'd talk to him about how much he could hurt some sensitive lonely women who was led on by his messages and to not do that again. Then suggest he come out and lie on the couch with the family and give the computer a rest. Send it to the "shop" for repairs.
    GrammytoTrin

    Answer by GrammytoTrin at 4:34 AM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • I know I shouldnt call her out, I am not a Christain and alot if it is because of lip service Christains like her, I do feel better that I got it off my chest..thanks
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:34 AM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • This is manipulative where the cheater or in his case emotional cheater blames the other person I think its time for some therapy for you two and counseling for your marriage

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 4:42 AM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • he didnt blame her... I am asigning her half the blame now that I know she knew he was married...he said he was alone and lonely, I agree, he was. I basically fed him and made sure he had a drink and helped him to the bathroom when he needed to go. I went about life with the kids and left him alone and forgotten in bed. I was wrong too. We both know we need to work on this.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:47 AM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • I don't think pinkdragon was talking about him blaming her. He was blaming you. He didn't lose the ability to speak up, so if he felt alone he should say something. Not have an emotional affair to "get your attention". I'm glad that you were able to vent. Leave this girl alone. It will just lead to more trouble.
    HollyBoBolly

    Answer by HollyBoBolly at 5:27 AM on Jun. 16, 2011

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