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How involved are your parents....

in your kids lives? Are they good grandparents? My mom is awesome. She spends a lot of time with my dd. My dd adores her. My mom was actually the first one to ever hold my dd and I think they have a really special bond.

My dad is not so involved. In fact....my dd was cleaning out her room and found a picture of her as a baby with my dad. She threw it away. I found it and asked why she threw it away and she said she didn't know the man in the picture.

My husbands mom lives far away and doesn't get to see her often. But she is loving and talks to her on the phone.

Answer Question
 
Shaken1976

Asked by Shaken1976 at 8:45 AM on Jun. 16, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 20 (9,288 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • My parents were very involved, seeing them on a daily basis, then my dad passed away unexpectedly and my mom came to live with us and has been as much as a mother as I have, she is always there for them now at 92 like always.....
    older

    Answer by older at 8:47 AM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • My parents lived about 15 minutes away and were very involved. My mother still is.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:50 AM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • Yes, I feel very lucky that my kids have involved grandparents. My mom esp, is very involved. She is helping to create memories that will carry them into adulthood. Memories that they will always cherish. :)
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 8:55 AM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • Sometimes they can be too involved. My In-laws are there to watch my kids at their sporting events and share very special moments in their lives. They have taken my DD to the American Idol concert for the past 5 years. My FIL goes with my husband and the kids to the Army/Navy game every year...both their treat. We have special holiday memories too. But they leave the parenting to us.

    My mom on the other hand...way different. She has always been around too. BUT she wants to tell me what I'm doing wrong. She would love it if my DD would come live with her, so she is always trying to pit us against each other and has since she was very little and in ways I wasn't even aware of when I was younger.

    Don't judge your Dad to harshly, you don't know how he grew up. Talk to him and let him know you would like him to play a more active role... it is his loss if he doesn't.
    sipn_mom

    Answer by sipn_mom at 8:55 AM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • Sipn - He wasn't all that involved in my life so I didn't expect him to be involved in hers. He has asked on several occasions to keep her for a week. I have denied him each time. We live three hours away and he has yet to come visit her here. Her contact with him has been limited to a few meals over the years and one shopping trip when she was three. She is a very outgoing child but I just don't think she would be comfortable staying with him when she doesn't know him.
    Shaken1976

    Comment by Shaken1976 (original poster) at 9:04 AM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • My parents live 6 hours away so they aren't as involved as they used to be. When we lived in the same town they saw my girls several times a week, but both of our families keep moving and we keep ending up farther away from each other. Now, we only get to see them a few times a year, but my girls still adore them. My FIL was very close with my older daughter, she loved going to see him, but he was on dialysis and very sick when my younger daughter was born and she never got that bond. My MIL has made her involvement miserable for my kids because of her hateful and rude comments about me. If she were to take them someone where it would be "Aren't you glad Nanny is taking you here since your mom never would?" If it were true it might cause them to resent me, but since none of it is, they end up resenting her. We all wish her involvement would just go away.

    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 9:23 AM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • Have you thought about visiting together. Maybe he could use some help trying to connect. Sounds like he doesn't know how to do what he wants to do (since he has asked to keep her). Sometimes we assume to have the answers because we know one side of the story. Sounds like your dad is a private person and may need you to open that door(I know you are hurt because you did not have the father/daughter connection you wanted. That doesn't mean you can't have it now). You might need to say that you missed having a close relationship with him as a child, but would really like to take the time to build a relationship with him and that your daughter deserves to have a hands on grandfather in her life.
    sipn_mom

    Answer by sipn_mom at 9:29 AM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • I lost my father 11 yrs ago and my FIL didn't used to be hands on with my kids. My MIL told my FIL he had to step up when my Dad died. I am so thankful she did. He had big shoes to fill, but he is doing a wonderful job and my kids are so blessed!
    sipn_mom

    Answer by sipn_mom at 9:32 AM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • My mom died when I was 20 so unfortunately she never got to meet my kids. I live in a different state as my dad- not too far about a 4 1/2 hour drive. His wife doesn't exactly make us feel warm and fuzzy and we have a strained relationship. Me and my siblings live in Utah while they live up in Idaho so they make it down a couple times a year to visit. We don't go up there very often. When my twins were first born, we went up to visit. After that, it took us about 5 years to make it up there again. Mostly my stepmom does not make us feel welcome. So... I guess to answer your question, they are not very involved. But my inlaws live 15 minutes away and are wonderful people. They are a lot more involved than my dad will ever be.
    lauralivivy

    Answer by lauralivivy at 9:32 AM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • sipn - I have invited him to visit several times. We have plenty of room in our home. It is really hard for us to go there. First my husband and I both work full time, our dd is involved in sports and dance, I am in school, and also his house is small and he doesn't have room for us to stay. I usually stop through when I go visit my brother.

    It isn't that he is a private person...it is that he is a recovering alcoholic. He has only been sober for a little over a year. Up till then there was no way he was taking my dd. Now she doesn't know him because of this. He is supposed to come to her dance recital this weekend. I really hope he makes it. I had hoped that he would stay the weekend but he will get there just before the recital and then is planning on heading back.
    Shaken1976

    Comment by Shaken1976 (original poster) at 9:34 AM on Jun. 16, 2011

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