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Not sure

Let me start by saying this is more of a vent than a question. I have 2 sisters, 9 and 11. My daughter is 4 and she wanted then to come over and stay the night Saturday. They said they would. Then yesterday my stepmom tells me that they have a bday party to go to that day so we would have to do it Thursday or Friday night. I said Thursday is fine. Today I wake up with an email saying that they changed their minds and dont want to come over because they have friend over that has been there for almost a week and they dont want her to go home yet. Now once again I have to tell my daughter that they arent coming and I'm not sure how to put it. Its gonna break her heart and I'm the one that has to see her cry because of it. In the past it use to be like this and I just stopped telling her when there were plans to avoid her being hurt. It got better for awhile so I started telling her again but now I'm debating on not telling her again when they plan to come over. How do I tell my 4 year old that her Aunts arent coming over because they dont want to spend time with her? Not only will she be heart broken but I am so disappointed that this happened again.

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SMG1120

Asked by SMG1120 at 11:01 AM on Jun. 16, 2011 in Relationships

Level 18 (5,880 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • My opinion is that you should talk to the children about that fact that your daughter idolizes them, and by disappointing her time and time again, they are breaking her heart and damaging their relationship.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 11:05 AM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • that is a hard one especially for a child that age I know when I tell my boys(ages 9 and 4) that someone is coming and then they back out and I have to tell them that the person isn't coming that it breaks their hearts tremendously also. I guess just don't tell her and don't invite them again for a while and tell them that they are hurting your daughter by doing this
    Christmaslver68

    Answer by Christmaslver68 at 11:06 AM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • Go back to not telling her unless they are on their way over. I wouldn't try to explain this to a 4 year old.
    Bugzmomma

    Answer by Bugzmomma at 11:06 AM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • Tell her that something came up. She doesn't need to know why they're not coming. It's sad for your daughter, but most 9 and 11 year olds have much better things to do than visit a 4 year old.
    kit_manson

    Answer by kit_manson at 11:07 AM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • All I know is that if my daughter said she would go spend time with some one like a niece and then she changes her mind because she doesnt want her friend who has been over for almost a week to go home yet, her friend is going home and she is gonna do what she said. I wouldnt do that to another kid. I dont care how old they are, they shouldnt say yes then no.
    SMG1120

    Comment by SMG1120 (original poster) at 11:13 AM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • My dd's have family that does them this way to, they have come to terms with the fact that they never do what they say they will and now my dd's know that the time will come when the other family wants to spend time with them and they decided on their own they would like to keep their distance. sometimes just because you are related doesn't mean you need to be friends and involved. but I feel sorry for your daughter , it must really suck to want to be apart of someones life and them keep disappointing her. I would stop telling her they are coming cause it seems like they have more important things to do than spend time with her but they will be ones regretting it.
    momto4girzls

    Answer by momto4girzls at 12:27 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • I blame the adults more than the child. If my children made plans with someone, I would not allow them to back out last minute, that is really bad manners. Although you didn't mention any planning or shopping, when my ds's 11 year old aunt comes to visit I shop for extra snacks and such. So it's more than just disappointing! I wouldn't invite them over any more for a while, and I wouldn't allow them to come if "they have nothing better to do". You should disallow them to treat you and dd this way, this is deeper than just not showing up. Or to me any way.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 5:42 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • Personally, I would find some new friends for my daughter....Aunties or NOT! How rude of them. Sounds like they do this kind of thing to her regularly and don't mind letting her down at all. That's selfish and rude.
    Try helping her to meet some new friends! Best thing for all. They don't have to agree then cancel and you don't have to worry about it and hurt your dd's feelings every time.
    GL!
    KellyGirl_TX

    Answer by KellyGirl_TX at 1:42 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

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