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Relationships!

well, im 31 almost 32 weeks pregnant. The father of my child left me a while back, and i moved in with some friends. Soon after that, I became involved with a guy that im in love with now. At the beginning we both agreed that we werent ready for a relationship and we should just keep our hearts out of the "fun". which, for about 2 months, we did just that.
But, when it became obvious that i was falling in love, and he was falling in love too, our sexual relationship expanded to a much deeper level. We kissed more often, and we went everywhere together. He made me laugh and i made him laugh. But, even though we have just recently said I love you to each other, I know that he loves me and has for awhile. We still havent made our relationship official because he is a little younger than me and im having a baby that isnt his!
PROBLEM: his mother is crazy! she needs his full attention every second of every day. if he isnt around then damn it, she just has to call him. She doesnt like me anymore (because im "taking her baby") and im tired of it!! what would you do??

Answer Question
 
rach.s92

Asked by rach.s92 at 12:14 PM on Jun. 16, 2011 in Relationships

Level 11 (521 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Your friend or boyfriend needs to have a nice long talk with mom and explain that you are in his life and he can't always be at his mother's side.
    lucky35

    Answer by lucky35 at 12:18 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • I have that problem, well kinda, not the pregnancy part, just the pain in the ass mother in law! Put it this way, I can see why my DH has so many ex's, his Mom is a nightmare! If he doesn't go visit, she'll call, or even show up uninvited! She's controlling, and watches everything I do, and literally expects me to do everything for him, he was spoon fed when he lived at home, and since moving out, and living with me, he didn't even know how to put a load of clothes on to wash!!! Or iron!!! It's like I now have two babies to look after, a 5 month old, and a 29 year old!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:19 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • I would not want to be involved with someone who was too attached to his Mother, having a close relationship with his Mother is good and if she liked me it would be a good thing too, but a clingy mother and a devoted to her every need son is not a man I would want to get involved with.

    Focus on yourself and your baby thats on the way.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 12:19 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • I think the most important thing to do is decide whether or not dealing with this woman is how you want to spend your future. They say when you marry someone, you end up marrying their family too. And that means whatever crazy dynamic they have going on, etc. You really can't separate your boyfriend from having to deal with his mother unless he decides he's not going to take her crap and stand up to her and be a man.

    I think you need to ask him if he's willing to do this on your behalf. If not..then you gotta make the choice now whether or not this woman's constant toxicity is going to be worth it. Especially since it has the power to destroy your relationship with your SO. You might even try discussing with her in a very polite way how you feel..and that you'd like it if she could respect your relationship and keep a little distance. I don't think she's going to have much in the way of respect for you two..since you are...
    Heathercurlz

    Answer by Heathercurlz at 12:22 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • Personally I would focus on myself and my unborn child. I couldn't be pregnant with one man's child and sleeping with another man. But that's me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:23 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • not entirely committed to each other, you just left another relationship not that long ago, and your about to have his baby. That's a tough one to swallow for any mother who loves and wants the best for her son.
    Heathercurlz

    Answer by Heathercurlz at 12:23 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • i totally agree with all comments to some extent. I have told him several times to tell his mother that she is a full grown adult and can get a glass of water herself!
    It doesnt help that she is sick and wont live very long because of it(diabetes, heart problems etc) but she is only 36! i dont see why she needs him to go to every doctors visit with her?! but he wont tell her no. and i hate to put it so harshly but he needs to choose between spending time with me or taking care of "mommy"
    ive told him this and he gets upset to a point of tears. but then i end up crying because i know the answer and i cant be with someone like that
    rach.s92

    Comment by rach.s92 (original poster) at 12:25 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • not that long ago meaning 7 months. so are you saying that just because you have a child, whether they are unborn or not, you will never sleep with someone who didnt father them?? and yes, that may be a hard pill to swallow for a mother, but he said its like this with EVERY relationship, not just me.
    rach.s92

    Comment by rach.s92 (original poster) at 12:29 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • im not sure about you but i dont consider loving my son or child to mean that they have to take care of my other children too, while i watch tv. I dont think that love requires a mother to have to have her grown boy at her side 24/7. literally. he watches 5 kids every day (only one is his sibling) while his mother and a friend go shopping. they havnt dared take the kids with them anywhere. no, he has to babysit them! and theres really not much focus i can put into a baby that isnt even born. if i were to do that, i would be laying down all day counting every movement and stuff. i may be pregnant, but they never said i couldnt have a life. i dont party, i dont drink, and im not sleeping with the whole town. i focus on my baby enough right now. she isnt born and theres really nothing to do with her as of this moment that requires my full attention! lol
    rach.s92

    Comment by rach.s92 (original poster) at 12:36 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • but he needs to choose between spending time with me or taking care of "mommy"

    i disagree, he does NOT have to choose one over another
    he needs to balance both
    and if both women are pulling on him THEN he WILL have to make a choice
    --------------------------
    how old is this guy?
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 5:09 PM on Jun. 22, 2011

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