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What do you do when alls you have is yourself?

I am 20 years young with a 16 month old. I am currently living with my mother and boyfriend in one side of a duplex. I do get state benefits for food stamp and cash assistance and will continue to collect for the next 2 years and through the state financial help my son and I are taken care of... food, rent ect.

My mother is an addict and recently started using again. Just last night I heard through my sons monitor his fan shut off and someone talking, so immediately i went upstairs to find my mom SOO messed up and naked in his room. She had picked him up out of his crib and put him on the floor, when i RAN upstairs, i found him and her on the floor with the light on (2:00 am) and my son was just about an inch from sticking his fingers into the enormous metal fan. needless to say, i put him back to bed and yelled at her. She gets so messed up she doesnt even know what she is doing at the time, tottally gone. there is no lock on his door and she is the room next to him, although no worries i pay close attention to the monitor.

The day before yesterday she was playing with him, and he fell from our kitchen table ON HIS FACE and got a bloody nose. at this point I am absolutly through with letting him be around her but unfortunately we live together and there is only so much i can do. My boyfriend (his father) ABSOLUTELY HATES my mother and yells at me about it like i should have control over her. SHES 50 years old. I have no friends whatsoever, not one and no one in my family that would be willing to take me in. My boyfriend and I have an awful relationship and everyday it only gets worse. I am alone and sad.

6 months ago my 16 year old little brother passed in a car accident and just shortly after in march of this year my father passed away drinking himself to death. I have no money in the bank to get up and move, and no current job seeing as i have to pay close attention to him in my own home, i dont feel safe leaving him there with a babysitter who has no grasp on this major concern.

I dont know what to do. I am at an all time breaking point. I will push on for my son because that is my duty as a mother and he means the world to me but.... If i can't even take care of myself with all of this going on, it makes it extremely difficult to take care of him.

Mind you, the father has an anger problem so leaving my son with him is of no good use either. HELP???

Answer Question
 
momamay2010

Asked by momamay2010 at 2:56 PM on Jun. 16, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 4 (38 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • maybe next time theres an incident call the cops on ur mom... at least maybe thatll push her in to rehab/...meanwhile try to start saving money so u can get away from this horrible situation ur in
    zperez0809

    Answer by zperez0809 at 2:58 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • You said you get state benefits, so try asking someone at the WIC office, food stamp office or where ever you get benefits from if they can help you find a place to live & help with that - the rent, bills, etc.
    They may not know personally but they may be able to point you in the right direction to get help in getting your own place - also try talking to someone at your local DHHR.
    Good luck & if you ever need to chat, just drop me a message:)
    Ellie15

    Answer by Ellie15 at 3:04 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • OMG I am so sorry that you are going through this. Is it possible for you to go to a shelter or a church? Or put up an add for a roommate just so you can get the heck out of there? Kids remember so much more than we think they do, and you can't force your mom to get help. My dad is the same way, probably worse. The only thing I could do was cut him out of our lives completely. I hope things get better mama!! Nobody deserves to have to live like this, especially with their child. <3 and hugs
    LunaB

    Answer by LunaB at 3:04 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • You need to pull the strength out of you hun. Find a way. You are all that baby has. Start by calling your case worker from the state. Maybe they can help. I'm not sure, I've never dealt with this but I'm proud of you for asking for help. Prayers and hugs.
    sugamama3

    Answer by sugamama3 at 3:05 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • Be very, very, very careful. If CPS gets involved it wont matter that it's your mom that's endangering your child, they will take him into Foster Care. You could well lose your son over this. If you must live with your mother you have to make sure your son is safe. Bring his bed into your room if you have to. Never, ever leave her to baby sit him.

    I'm sorry this is happening to you.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 3:06 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • You need to get out of that house, you need a place to stay, you need money. See if you can get daycare assistance so you can start working. Even if you are pulling in just enough money to break even or even be a little short, working and getting a work history will help you move up. You have 18 years of supporting this child, so start building a career.

    Be sure to look into reduced income housing. Womens shelters may also be an option.
    Candi1024

    Answer by Candi1024 at 3:24 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • Wow...it sounds like your son's father needs to get a damn job and support you. Fortunately I have never been in the position of having to deal with a worthless man, but I am so damn sick of watching a couple of my girlfriends deal with it and hearing these sort of stories on CM. What happened to men?! Why do they think it is okay to do things like loaf at the expense of their children! Sigh.

    I would also be very hesitant to call CPS, as it will likely backfire on you.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 4:02 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • You have to get yourself out of that house. It's not going to be easy, that's for sure, but it's the best solution and one you can start working on asap. There are resources out there, you just have to relentless in finding them and taking advantage. You can get money to help pay for child care so that you can work or take classes. Obviously you want to take your child to someone rather than have someone come to your home to babysit. Also, there are places that base rent amounts on your income so look into that and try and get out. And no offense but if your boyfriend has anger issues you might be better off making a go of things on your own if his problems are so serious that you can't even leave the baby with him. It totally sucks that you are going thru this, but taking steps to better your situation will give you a light at the end of the tunnel and the security of showing your baby a better way of life. Best of luck.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 4:34 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • Oh, and if I were you I would be sharing a bedroom with the baby so you know he is safe. It only takes one accident to make a horrible tragedy that can never be undone.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 4:35 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • There's a few things that you can do. First of all, I'm not sure how you are getting all this assistance with basically 2 other families living with you (your mom and your bf), so if the section 8 is in your name, you need to have them removed before you lose your benefits. You also need to get that baby in the bedroom with you. Locking the child in the room might sound safer for him, but DCF isn't going to feel that way if they find out. You also need to find yourself some co-dependency groups. There is a lot of addiction that is going on around you and you are falling victim to it. You will be like a magnet and will attract those people until you unlearn it. I know, I've been there. Email me if you need help finding anything. The BF has to go. Suppose you ended up in an accident and he needed to take care of the baby? I'm sorry you are going through all this. There is a way out.
    attap5

    Answer by attap5 at 10:03 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

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