I would like to hear how others have handled it with their stepkids when the biological mom has passed on suddenly. My stepdaughters are 17 and 20, so the younger is now our legal dependent. The girls are grieving and shutting us out. Mom's relatives are arranging for them to stay in mom's house and we are not allowed to visit there because that's was mom's rule. (The divorce happened before I came on the scene.) I've been gently letting them know that I am here for them, but I wonder whether I should stay back completely or take a more assertive approach. One of them is not talking to Dad - I presume she is projecting her anger to the only person she knows loves her no matter what. Their mom did not tell them about her cancer for 5 years and died very unexpectedly one day after telling them, so it was a big shock. I've had a warm and friendly relationship with the girls up to now. I want the girls to feel my support but also want to respect their need to grieve. Any ideas?
Answer by Shaken1976 at 3:59 PM on Jun. 16, 2011
Answer by Anonymous at 4:00 PM on Jun. 16, 2011
Answer by yesmaam at 4:00 PM on Jun. 16, 2011
I think if it were me in your shoes, I would write them a "heart felt letter!" It doesn't sound like they want to talk to anyone right now, they're too hurt. So I would write them a letter telling them how much you care and if they need anything you are there for them. I think that would give them something to think about and in there own time, when they're ready , they will remember what you said. I wouldn't be be assertive, just sympathetic. That's a very difficult age to lose your mother! This is gonna take some time, but they will come around when they are ready.Be sure Dad is there for them too, they may need him even more now. Good luck, your hearts in the right place.
Answer by anichols1 at 4:05 PM on Jun. 16, 2011
Check out some of the top posts today in Groups: