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Does anyone have some advice?

I have a 16 year old daughter who thinks we are ruining her summer because we expect her to be home by 10 o'clock on week nights and 11 o'clock on the weekends. When she is not home on time I am on the phone trying to find out where she is and why she is not home yet. She has more guy friends then girl friends and I don't think she should be out that late with the guys. My husband says we can't watch her 24/7 but I want to punish her by taking her phone and keys so she can't go anywhere. Advice badly needed!!

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Michelle83335

Asked by Michelle83335 at 4:16 PM on Jun. 16, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 4 (33 Credits)
Answers (21)
  • Maybe you can compromise on the 10 curfew, since school is out, and extend all goings out to 11. If she can't abide by this your ides of punishment sounds good to me.
    older

    Answer by older at 4:19 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • If she doesn't follow the rules, she needs to be punished somehow. Plain and simple.

    Does she work? If not, I would also have her get a summer job. It'll keep her out of trouble.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:19 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • I agree with Older. I think theres not point in setting a rule if there will be no consequence to it. But I think 11 is appropriate. Then you can respect how she feels and hopefully she will respect you in turn by following the rules.
    mlmsm928

    Answer by mlmsm928 at 4:23 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • While I may think your curfew is a little on the early side for a 16 year old, if she is missing curfew that would not make me want to give her more freedoms. I might try to strike a compromise. If she makes her curfew as you have set it everyday for a month, then you can give her an extra hour on weekends until midnight. The first time she misses curfew you should definitely have a pre-determined punishment, and if she misses curfew once she has the later time, then she goes back to the earlier curfew and still gets the punishment. This is a tough age, because you do have to give more and more freedom to get them ready for college or being out on their own, but at the same time she has to understand that trust and freedom is earned by showing you can handle the responsibilites being given. Missing curfew shows she is not ready to have the extra freedom and that she is not mature enough to play by the rules.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 4:23 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • I personally think that 10 is a little early for a 16 yr old, but that's just me. Have you thought about raising her curfew? If so maybe you can use that to get her to start minding the rules. For instant, tell her if she can prove to you that she is responsible by coming in at the normal time that you have giving her for at least a week or two then you guys can talk about raising her curfew.

    Jacqalyn

    Answer by Jacqalyn at 4:25 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • Why is it any different if she is out with guy friends rather than girl friends? Or do you automatically think that she is having sex with all of them?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:28 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • I think maybe midnight would be more reasonable but you know your daughter and whther she is trustworthy better than me.
    chelley123

    Answer by chelley123 at 4:32 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • Anonymous- No, I don't think she is having sex. We live in a small community and you know how rumors get started. I just want what is best for my kids thats all.
    Michelle83335

    Comment by Michelle83335 (original poster) at 4:41 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • Honestly, I think what you are asking is fair. My parents were reasonable about extending a curfew if we were going to a movie or game that wouldn't be over until later than curfew, but lord if we weren't home when we were supposed to be, we would NOT have been going out again anytime soon. Yeah, we whined and cried about it, but I think it helped keep us in line.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 5:00 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • In the summer, curfew fits to the activity. But the typical curfew for my teenagers in the summer as 11pm. Or if they were driving their friends - 10 minutes after the last friend's curfew.

    As for your punishment - if you don't follow through, she'll walk all over you for the rest of her time at home.

    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 5:41 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

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