Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Would you think this is wrong?

I have 2 girls. When I was 4 months pregnant with our second, me and their father split up. When youngest daughter was 2 1/2 months old we got into a huge argument because I wouldn't pick up and leave state to move with him and took him to court because I didn't want him leaving state with the girls. (Before the argument he maybe stopped once a month to see the kids).
Court was the 2nd of June this month, and I was awarded sole custody. His visitation is that he has to call ahead of time to set up a date to see the kids here at my home. Since then he's texted once to set up a date for the friday following court (the 10th).. and didn't show. Since has not called, texted nor returned calls or text messages. (obviously i know he's not dead or in the hospital, I still talk to his mom who visits at least every other week to see the kids, and we have a good relationship).
At this point would it be wrong to leave a message giving a time frame in which he has to return my call or I'll assume abandonment and drop his rights as the father? (through the courts obviously).
(sorry, tried to keep it as short as possible, yes there is obviously a lot of reasons why things are set up as they are, etc.. )


Asked by xxhazeldovexx at 5:21 PM on Jun. 16, 2011 in Relationships

Level 34 (67,320 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Don't call him. Don't tell his mother what he needs to do either. Write everything down that he says, times. Keep phone records. Id he says he will show and then doesn't keep track of that. You need to do this for a long time. He can't just do it once or twice. After a few months like 6 or more of him doing this, then you can file for abandonment. But, you have to have proof. It's a lot of red tape, but worth it in the end. My ex did that for a long time. I wrote down everything, saved every email, ever letter or card. Saved every phone message on the answering machine. I took it to court and he gave up his rights to our daughter and my husband adopted her. I have NO regrets. Good luck and I am sorry you are going through this. It sucks (((HUGS)))

    Answer by SweetPea726 at 7:43 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • I wouldn't call him. Just document every phone call, every broken and unkept visit, everything.

    Answer by meooma at 5:35 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • Its too soon. Usually they want at least a year with absolutely no contact from father before they'll remove his rights. At least this is what my friend (who lived in KS) told me. Of course, every state is different. But I imagine in all states it would have to be more than just a couple weeks.

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 5:24 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • I wouldn't call him. The ball is in his court. If he wants a relationship with his kids then he has to put forth the effort. You don't want him coming around because you chased him into it. Good luck.

    Answer by zoomomto3 at 5:26 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • I agree, it has to be about a year or two without any just live your life and see if he shows up to see the kids or not. I would document with dates and times any contact he has with the kids and if one day you just never hear from him again for a year or so I would file a motion with the courts.

    Answer by geminisummerz at 5:31 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • Just check in your state what length of time he'd have to be gone for it to be abandonment. It sounds like he is well on his way to just that. Let him finish it out for himself. Don't warn him or give an ultimatum. Let him screw this up all by himself.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:32 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • I'd do it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:23 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • Abandonment has to be ongoing,not NOT seeing the kids for a few weeks

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 5:23 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • I think a few weeks is to soon to say he abandoned them..I would wait a while..

    Answer by Heather021287 at 6:01 PM on Jun. 16, 2011

  • right now he has to have supervised visitation because he has issues. Legally I could have fought to have his rights terminated on those grounds alone (mental issues, alcohol addiction, etc). And would have sought that if he hadn't shown up at court, but since he did, I gave him supervised visitation under MY conditions. (He didn't fight the petition for supervised visitation under my conditions so that's what the court order was in the end). However if he's not going to even make an attempt to see his kids and basically blocking out all contact with me I'd just assume drop his paternal rights. I'd like to move on with my life and have my children move on as well. I'd love to remarry and have my children have the chance to have a REAL father figure, than a distant shadow somewhere out there that just holds them back.

    Comment by xxhazeldovexx (original poster) at 7:39 PM on Jun. 16, 2011