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He wants us to consider adoption... help! WHO HAS STRUGGLED?

My boyfriend of a year and a half and I are expecting our first around Thanksgiving. He's 23 and I'm 21. At first he was extremely excited, but my fears have definitely rubbed off onto him and now I'm not the only one questioning adoption. He wants to be completely set when it comes to money and wants to feel more comfortable that we can do this. I'm so scared because I feel the same way, but I feel like adoption shouldn't be a way out if it will be hard. Of course we're not going to feel prepared, this wasn't planned. Another factor is my anxiety and depression, I've had it for over half my life and now that I can't be on medicine, it's gotten much worse with pregnancy. I need to have hope, HONEST hope that we can do this, despite not having a lot of money or faith in ourselves right now... I don't know if I am strong enough to do adoption... I know we have a lot of time to think more though.

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Asked by quinny89 at 12:12 AM on Jun. 17, 2011 in Pregnancy

Level 5 (88 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • i am bipolar.. i was off my meds and still am while i was prego.. i have had 2 babies since than. my 1st in 08 and than 10.. there are meds that you can take for your pregnancy. dont let your bf try to talk you into adoption. i had my 1st baby at 18 (oops, just utrned 19) !!!! i was a single mother... i mean, NOT to be mean by anyway, but you laid down., you know what can happen, and if didnt want a baby, should have used bc, condom or better yet, not have sex till you were married...
    about the being set with money before having a baby.. ha.. the way the economy is going now.. blahh on that.. its NOT what u can provide for your baby, its the love that you give him or her... i have 5 kids and want more.. my DH is the only one that works. we make it on a WHOLE 8.00 a HR.. yesss EIGHT a hr.. we have rent of 545, car of 342, power of 200 or more a mon, we have grociers of about 200 or MORE a wk... gas is about 60 to fill up and

    Answer by bamamaof4 at 12:32 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • Honest to god, I always thought that adoption would be a perfectly viable option for me if I ever didn't want to parent a child. I really thought I could do it if I felt that's what was best for my baby. But now that I've held a baby that I've given birth to, I know without a doubt that adoption is the harder road.

    We planned my daughter, but my son (my second) was conceived during a really financially tough time for us. Someone told me I should give him up for adoption while I was pregnant with him and I realized that maybe another family COULD provide better for him, but that there was NO WAY I could ever give him up. I looked at my daughter and how much I love her and knew that as hard as parenting is, especially feeling unprepared, tearing out your heart and handing it over to another family to care for is harder.

    And you know what? We're still broke. But we are HAPPY. My kids are HAPPY. CONTINUED BELOW

    Answer by Ati_13 at 12:33 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • You need to find the will do make it work, both of you. If you were not prepared to have children, you should not have been having sex. Alas, you had sex and are now expecting. GET prepared and own up to the choices you've made. A child doesn't deserve to be cast away because of your choices. If you think YOU'RE depressed and having anxiety, imagine how the child will feel as it ages. Becoming a parent is a divine experience, if you choose to view it and treat it that way. You chose to have sex, now choose the best life for both you and your baby, together.

    Answer by BaisMom at 12:35 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • Their is a lot of help out their from the government do not feel like it is very very hard because it will be a challenge but you need to believe in yourself and try your hardest for the baby. If you do adoption your depression might be worse if that is not what you want.Like you said think it through do research on what programs you would be able to receive.

    Answer by roxy0522 at 12:35 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • I'm having a hard time figuring out what happened, because before it happened, I was SO excited and sure about having a baby, it was my DREAM! But now that it's happened, I can only focus on the negative, I don't know how to get out of this cycle. And as for medicine, the only one they're allowing me to take is zoloft and it makes my anxiety so much worse.

    Comment by quinny89 (original poster) at 12:37 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • we fill up every 3 days.. our children go to a private school... need i say more...

    to go bk to the meds answer.. i was on prozac, lamictal, trazadone and valium.... i stopped EVERYTHING but my prozac.... i am now on seniquian and valiums again... you can go it.. talk to you ob/gyn doc.. and also talk to your therispist... prozac has been out forever and is safe to take while prego AND nursing...
    feeel free to add me as friend... if u would like...

    GOD BLESS you and that blessing from GOD... Kim

    Answer by bamamaof4 at 12:37 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • It's hard. But I can't imagine not doing it.

    Unless you both are 100% certain DO NOT give your baby away. You WILL regret it for the rest of your life if you are not completely sure. You would be surprised how ready you can become in the next 5 months, and how little babies actually cost. All they need is some clothes (which you can get for dirt cheap second hand), some diapers (and if you use cloth diapers, especially prefolds, you save a bunch), a car seat (and you can get vouchers for those, or get them for free from crisis pregnancy centers) and love.

    I really wish you guys the best in this journey. Don't stop talking about it!

    Answer by Ati_13 at 12:37 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • It sounds like your feeling negative because of the depression.

    Once the baby is born you can get back on your meds, and those feelings will go away.

    Answer by Ati_13 at 12:38 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • I don't think it's possible for me to stop talking about it haha so no worries there. Thank you everyone for your kind words of encouragement. And Ati, we are DEFINITELY not 100% sure on anything right now. I do know I want to cloth diaper though, I was a cloth diaper baby. And, you're right, things can change drastically in 5 months. I hope they do for the better!

    Comment by quinny89 (original poster) at 12:47 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • It sounds like you are feeling worry and anxiety... which is totally normal! I think that you really do want this baby, and Im sure he does to. Its scary, and stressful... even for people who have planned their children. I think that once baby is in your arms you will feel feel much different. Maybe it will be rough, but it will also be okay :) Good luck!

    Answer by Tarrar at 12:48 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

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