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So me and my husband always wanted to adopt after we had our own child first. Well we are ready to have another child and we were thinking it's time for us adopt. I don't help making a dicision or anything. I just want to know anyone's experience with adoption, whether it's the process or just takin in the child. Just curious.


Asked by Hapsand123 at 3:13 AM on Jun. 17, 2011 in Adoption

Level 10 (458 Credits)
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Answers (14)
  • find the answers to how to proceed and where. The journey usually begins by talking, looking at all the different options, talking again. Really hashing it out so you are one hundred percent convinced this is your path. But in adoption circles it is considered a little bit harsh to say "my own" when refering to a biological child. A child through adoption really is your own child. So the term or phrase is to say you have one biological child currently and are interested in expanding your family again, possibly through adoption. It may sound oddat first but you can start to slowly try it out. When introducing your children, we just say these are my two kids. No explanation necessary. But people will ask anyways. So also ask yourself if you are ready for all the questions well intensioned people ask.

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:45 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • If you are still saying things like "our own child" then you are not ready to adopt. Do some research and talk to some families who have adopted first.

    Answer by Luuckymommy at 8:41 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • Are you looking to adopt an older child or infant? Have you discussed whether race matters to you or your husband? Domestic or international? Private, agency or state? Have you started a homestudy? Open or closed? If open, how open? Research the laws in your state and find out what's required. Start talking to more members of all sides of the triad and ask questions. Research the affects of adoption on all members of the triad. This is a long and emotional process, that you shouldn't just jump into without doing a lot of research first and then discussing it all with your husband.

    Answer by clvahlberg at 1:28 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • It ISA long process. Not necessarily the actual physically signing with an agency, lawyer, or state and bringing home your child. But tge research side. Parenting a child through adoption is not the same as parenting your biological child. Both adoptive moms and others can boo me but that is my two cents. While all families have their stuff and issues - adoption is woven into those things. It does not have to be woven into the fabric as being a negative issue. But there are things to consider before beginning the journey. How much support do you have? Truly, have you inquired? Some people might surprise you in their reaction. What do you think about communicating with the child's family of orgin? What types of situations are you and your husband not only open to but can realistically handle? When you ask yourself the really hard questions you will often

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:40 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • You also need to research the effects of adoption on both the adoptee as well as the natural mother/father/extended family. There is not a line up of women knowing that they absolutely do not want to parent their child looking for someone to adopt them. The mother is usually facing an unexpected pregnancy, scared, overwhelmed, and sometimes alone with nobody to help her see that she can be a wonderful mother to her child, even if unexpected. The mother goes to get what she thinks is going to be un-biased counseling from an adoption agency or crisis pregnancy center. The "counseling" however is far from unbiased, and is geared towards making the mother think she is "choosing" adoption. The truth however is that the majority of mothers choosing to give their child up for adoption are made to feel "less than" worthy to raise her own child, is made to think that if she truly loved her child she would give it up for adoption.

    Answer by susie703 at 1:17 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • Not knowing your full story, I read this question as that you are able to give birth to more children, but that you are purposely choosing to grow your family by adoption because you and your husband have some idolized idea of what adoption actually is. Newborn infant adoption in this country is built on loss. The adoptee loses their family of origin, a connection with their ancestry, the experience of growing up in a family who genetically mirrors themselves. Many adoptees grow up feeling abandoned, with deep issues from the trauma of losing their natural mother ~ no matter how wonderful their adoptive family is. The mother is forever changed, she does not simply get on with her life as before, she is a mother without her child. Unless a mother TRULY has no desire to parent her child, or if abuse of any kind is a factor, every effort towards family preservation should be made. Please learn as much as you can about this.

    Answer by susie703 at 1:22 PM on Jun. 17, 2011


    Have you thought about fostering before adoption at all? Just curious.
    There's a link for you.

    Answer by KellyGirl_TX at 8:28 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • thank you both. First I have not thought about fostering becuz my mind sees that they always leave. but I guess its something to look at becuz I know nothing about it really. And about the saying my own child. I see hut your saying. And honestly I do not think of it like he is mine and the other will not be it was just easier to spell. I know that might sound silly but it was. and I know my self and would never say, this is my kid and this is our adopted kid. I do think im ready at this second to bring a child in but I am ready to learn more and start trying to bring a child in. I am sorry if I offended you in a way. And your right I do need to know more. but we have made the decision to go thru and bring a child in as our own. If you have any more advice or anything you'd like to say just message me. everything is welcome.

    Comment by Hapsand123 (original poster) at 12:28 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • No offence from me. Because you are just beginning to learn. But some won't get it is a process to learn and takes time. If you have a parenting magazine from your local area, those free ones, sometimes you will see adoption seminars to get basic information. We went to one several years before actually chosing a specific route. It was helpful as far as what we knew we didn't want to do after. Some agencies will have informational meetings for the public and all will sit down with you. Foster/adopt through your state will also hold informational meetings or talk one on one. It really boils down to what do you value, your personal code of ethics and conduct (ethics is a matter of interpretation in adoption) and what can you provide (not talking about money) for a child.

    Answer by frogdawg at 12:44 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • We have looked at a lot of info hear in AZ and we plan on going to meetings. That way its not just us reading a magazine. I feel like being with other people that want to adopt and the people that know about adoption will be good for me and my husband.

    Comment by Hapsand123 (original poster) at 12:50 PM on Jun. 17, 2011