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3 Bumps

Why can't I just be over it?

I cry almost every night, I'm a wreck. Most times to stop the pain I drink until I black out or pass out. I keep thinking about my baby I would have been 11 wks pregnant now but I miscarried on may 29th. I know my baby was going to be a boy and I miss him and think about him all the time I know that if it weren't for my 4 year old I would have killed myself after finding out my baby was dead. I carried him for almost a week before I had the full miscarriage and I just can't get over it. I couldn't keep my baby safe and all I want is to have him back. Because of everything that's happened since the beginning of march I can't even think to believe in God to me there's no heaven or hell and especially no God. What God would take away my baby. If there was a God all he is is a heartless devil with no feelings. I really just want Ethan back.. Why am I taking this so hard?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:06 AM on Jun. 17, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • ~ Sorry that you're going through a difficult moment in your life.
    Cafemomoftwo217

    Answer by Cafemomoftwo217 at 5:15 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • I am so sorry ... and there is nothing I can say or anyone else can say to make you feel better .. May 29th wasnt that long ago hun.. This has never happened to me.. and I cannot imagine how hard it is.. But I am sure it takes time.. Maybe consider talking to someone... a therapist a grief counselor?? That may help.. Try and get out more with your daughter.. Again I am soo sorry you are going thru this.. :( Please be strong for your daughter (as strong as you can be) and give it time.. It just happened.. My heart goes out to you mama xoxox
    Emmajosmommy

    Answer by Emmajosmommy at 5:59 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • I understand where u are coming from, i also lost a baby- i was only 8 wks along, but i took it hard because i didnt want to be pregant, i was taking the pill and got sick so had to take some antibotics and i guess the conter acted my birthcontrol. when i found out me, my husband and then 1 1/2 yr old daughter had moved back in with my mom. so here i am living at home with one kids and another one the way, once i got over the shock i was happy but when i went to the dr they said the babys heart had stopped, i felt like a was going to die, the i had to have a DNC and go tell everyone i lost the baby, i understand words will not help but time will dull the pain!! u will never forget and will always have a sadness but time will make it less I PROMISE! i hope u feel better soon!!!!
    carol00

    Answer by carol00 at 6:36 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • I am so sorry for your loss. As the others have said it takes time. You are grieving. It is not anything you will ever forget but you will be able to accept it over time. I wish you all the best and please be good to yourself. Enjoy your 4 year old and find a good friend you can talk to. hug
    whitepeppers

    Answer by whitepeppers at 7:05 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • I was 8 weeks when I miscarried the baby died a few days before the ultrasound.. I know deep down that my baby was a boy. and he's all i think about.. I do want to have another baby but I wasn't even with the baby's father and he and I are no longer having sex I don't even see him.. I'm just so hurt over everything..
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:13 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • I had a miscarriage 2 years ago at around 6 weeks. It is extremely hard. Give yourself time to get over the loss and the pain. I too questioned alot of things as well. Just know it wasnt your fault, sometimes these things happen of which we have no control. It sucks when we dont know why. Hang in there. HUGS!
    smushy79

    Answer by smushy79 at 8:27 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • I think that you should really get some help for this because you have another child that is alive and well and if you continue on this path you are going to lose that child because you are so consumed with mouring for the dead. Seek therapy and start going to AA meetings or something because you are rapidly becoming an alcoholic and that is not good for your living child. You say that if it wasn't for your living one, that you would have suicided already. Well, prove to your living child that you care enough about them to get the help you need to be a good mommy again. The pain isn't going to ever go away, but it will ease up in time. You need to focus on your living child. Do you think your child likes seeing mommy drink until she passes out, not pay attention and play like mommy used to? You child sees more than you realise and you need to get help NOW.
    Sithpadawans

    Answer by Sithpadawans at 10:56 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • Momma I know what your going through ,I have had 10 miscarriages and my son I carried until 23 weeks went into preterm labor they couldn't stop it and my son up until he was born had a heartbeat then when he was born died, he was as long as a 20oz pop bottle and only weighed 11ozs, it was so hard on me, for the longest time I hated seeing women with babies or pregnant, I was depressed and couldn't see how I had so many miscarriages and my son had to die, but with time , I have been able to move on , no I will never forget my son nor will the pain of him not being here get any easier ,I have just learned to deal with it, it has not been that long since you had your miscarriage so time is what it will take, and some advice for you when you feel like crying do it, keep a journal ,write down you thoughts and emotins, get your pain out and it will help you..
    momto4girzls

    Answer by momto4girzls at 11:11 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • It sounds like you are stuck in grief over something you never had control of. I think it would help if you would name the baby. That helped me tremendously. When my would be due date comes around I take a little time to myself to imagine her and how God placed her soul with him. There are books out there through counselors and planned parenthood that can help you get over the loss. I know you know you need to stop the drinking as you are self medicating and pushing people away who are going through the same loss, just not as hard. I'm so sorry for your loss, but don't let your daughter lose her mother over a child that God chose to be an angel. SHE is YOUR angel.... He gave her to you. Talk to your boyfriend, and seriously... check on books for just this situations.
    hollydaze1974

    Answer by hollydaze1974 at 12:35 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • Im so sorry dear. I too have suffered a miscarriage. There is no easy answer and no quick fix for the dispair, but there is help. Call your local hospital or talk to your doctor. There are grief groups that you can go to. That helped me alot. I also sought therpy. My therapist had me write letters to my lost child. It hurt alot to do so, but it also helped me find some peace.
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 1:38 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

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