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2 Bumps

How much would you put up with? adult content

My soon to be ex husband is home on his two weeks of leave from Iraq (yes, we DO still have troops over there) and is driving me nuts!

I filed for divorce last year via non-contested and he stalled the paperwork for a year, I refiled before he deployed with the exact same terms we agreed to... He is stalling the divorce until he is back (I may not like it but I understand).

My problem is
- he doesn't drive
- he spent a week in a different state before he even came to see the kids
- it's super hot out (reached 104 yesterday)
-he has no idea of any children friendly activities and will rely on me to find them
- our youngest daughter (shes 2) doesn't know him and hates being alone with him.. there for I stay around so she doesn't freak
- he has ptsd from his childhood that has just gotten worse with war and he will snap at the kids and scare them
- he tries to make passes at me and will make sexual comments where the kids can hear them
- dispite the fact I filed for divorce he still tries to touch me and has been getting braver trying to get touchy feely and actually kissed my back yesterday when i gave him the one arm goodbye hug for the kids to see we aren't mad at eachother.. we just don't live together well.

How much crap would you put up with for the sake of you kids,? their dad lives two hours from us and I am dog tired from being out everyday for the past week so he can see the kiddos (his house is NOT an option because of his PTSD, lack of beds to nap in and failure to keep movies child appropriate)

Grammar police, please feel free to exit along with hardcore military supporters.. I support him and am proud of what he does for our country, this is about his parenting and our relationship or lack there of.


Asked by Anonymous at 8:47 AM on Jun. 17, 2011 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • You need to get strong and lay the rules down. It's your house. I know it's hard, but tell him what you will and will not put up with. Let him know if he goes grabbing you again or anything like that that you will call the police and have him arrested for assault, yes it is sexual assault. Since he is in the military, it will be the Brig, and it won't be cushy for him. He will still get his pay, but you will get the support. Tell him if he doesn't lay off the kids, you will be calling your child welfare department (CPS, DHS, HRS, whatever you have in your state) He's pushing you because he thinks he's entitled to. Good luck. I'm sorry you and the kids are going through this.

    Answer by attap5 at 9:05 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • khedy, she is driving him around, coming up with activities to do for him and the children and doing what she can to make her 2 year old comfortable around him. PLUS she consents to staying around and letting visitation at her house because he doesn't have beds and can't control his temper, HOW MUCH MORE UNDERSTANDING DOES SHE NEED TO BE????? Yes, he has been serving the country BUT she has been raising THEIR children by herself so he could do so

    Answer by JLS2388 at 10:51 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • Yes, you could stop him from seeing the kids, if that is what you wanted to do.
    In fact, with many divorces, the person who has the children are advised not the let the other spouse take the children, since you both have equal parenting rights, he could take the kids and leave, legally.

    Answer by Candi1024 at 9:13 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • khedy, there isn't anything in her OP to indicate that his being military or his deployment has anything to do with the reasons for the divorce. She already stated that she is proud of him and his service to our country. Also, in regards to his touchy feely behavior, regardless of a men expressing feelings sexually, you do understand that no means no, right? There is such a thing as marital rape.

    To the OP, if he is making unwanted sexual advances, you need to make clear to him that the behavior is unacceptable and that you will take action against him if it continues. Also, if you are concerned about the children's safety due to his PTSD, I might ask the court to assign him supervised visitation until it is proven that he can care for the children safely and appropriately.

    Answer by katiemomNY at 11:57 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • Is there a temporary visitation order in place? If not, then I'd stop the visits and if he has a problem with it then he can file the proper paperwork to get a temp visitation order or stop being a weenie and follow through on the divorce. No visitation order = no visits until there is one, either temp or through the finished divorce decree. Good luck!

    Answer by MegMurry at 8:58 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • I can't deny him seeing the kids until we go to court and get the divorce final

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:59 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • I went through the same thing except My man wasn't serving our country and we were not married. I put up with a lot since we did live together 4yrs I kept asking myself is this what I want? My answer was always no, but I thought it could work. I thought if I didn't get out now I would never get out. So I told him I was done and no longer wanted to be with him. I put him on child support (booooyy was that a battle) He was pretty mad he had to pay support and caused a lot of problems. After a month or two he actually started changing for the better, but I will still never go back to him. You could file for child support and spousal support. You should give your husband an ultimadum.

    Answer by mommymamamom at 9:00 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • I cant do any legal stuff until he returns from his deployment. I am to the point where I want to fake the kids having some sickness or bug because we are all just so tired and run down. 4 more days to go until he goes back

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:03 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • I think you staying around when he is around, it a really good idea,,, IDK momma, the whole thing is awful, and totally understandable you cannot create feelings you don't have for him. I guess 2 weeks of hell is worth making sure he doesn't harm the kids,, I would say to him no more touching me, I am proceeding with the divorce as planned. so sorry.

    Answer by kimigogo at 9:07 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • How many kids do you have? Could you stay home for a day or two with the 2 year old and let him take the older kid(s) to the park or something without you? That would give you a break. Would it be plausibe to have him come to your house so you can go rest while he plays with the kids? That is one tough situation for you. If you keep brushing off his advances, he should get the point. The prob with guys is that they see the tolerance and kindness you are showing and take it as some sort of forgiveness or willingness to reconcile and think a little touchy-feely is going to make everything in your relationship right again. Guys can be so obtuse at times. You are doing the right thing by letting him see the kids. Four more days and he will be gone so keep your chin up. : ) Take care!

    Answer by AngelicaDem at 9:33 AM on Jun. 17, 2011