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Am I wrong to feel this way? I don't want to but Ican't help it :/ (Be nice I already feel bad enough) THX!

Ok we have been paying CS for 12 yrs. now and close to finishing well we always felt that we wish we could just pay the kids CS bc there is no telling where the rest of the money is going once the kids get taking care of well now that they'll be of age my dh has been giving them cash money and filling up their gas tanks which I do not mind butdamn it sucks bc sometimes we don't have much and when they come over to visit he some how gives them money... Wouldn't mind it if he don't bitch about not having money but I tell him you've already spoiled them bc NOW they are expecting it from you now he's like I am going to do what I have to do for my (teens).
This is one of the reasons I fell in love with him the love for his kids and now we have 2 of r own. Anyway I over heard him telling them that as soon as he is done paying their mom CS he is going to start using that money towards them...WTF? She gets 1000.00 a month where does that leave me and r kids yes he is good to us but damn what he is doing is enough. I guess what Iam saying here is I just wish he would stop complaining about money bc all I can think of is YOU DON'T HAVE TO GIVE THEM MONEY EVERYTIME YOU SEE THEM...I know it's just me feeling like this but it sucks feeling like we have no money ever.
Just venting....

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:13 AM on Jun. 17, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (11)
  • well does he mean helping paying for college? I know your not going to like my answer, but they are his kids, and he can support them anyway he chooses,, and yes 1.000 is alot of money, but so is rent, food, activities for 2 teens,, idk momma,,just try to be glad you have a good man who cares about his kids, and he won't be supporting them forever, they will have jobs, and families soon enough.
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 11:16 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • Thanks kimigogo... I know ur right but I just can't get over it but I know I have to thanks again ;)
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:18 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • I feel ya, my DH had to pay that for one child! If his kids decided to go to college depending on your state he'll have to pay after they turn 18....I guess just think it will not last forever...just a really long time lol I know that doesnt make the pissed off feel any better :)
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 11:22 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • LOL...I know what you mean yesmaam... silly girl ;) thanks!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:24 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • I think you guys need to make a budget and see what he can afford to give the kids after child support is over. Make a realistic budget for you guys and allocate a portion of that 1000 to go towards the kids. Decide how it will be spent on the kids as well. When I was in college I got 1 tank of gas/wk and my parents paid my auto ins. Then your hubby can sit down with the kids and explain what expenses he will be helping them with and what will be their responsibility. The kids need to be learning responsibility anyway so it will begood if it is clear on both sides what will be covered by dad.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 11:29 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • At least he will be giving the kids the money after they are of age instead of giving it to their mom. At least he is not a dead beat dad and wanting to take care of his responsibilities.

    My3Ez

    Answer by My3Ez at 11:34 AM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • I see wht it bothers you, if you had the money laying around and preferred to shop for yourself rather than give it to his kids that would be one thing, but if money is tight as it is and he insists on doling it out to them that would bother me, too. I think you need to sit down with him, and start with saying that they are his children and of course he should help them financially, but he also needs to look at the big picture and make sure that he is helping to prepare them to be independent adults, meaning they need to learn how to make their own money and how to budget it, or how to save for things they want instead of just expecting everything instantly. Learning those lessons now will make becoming adults easier. Also, he needs to make sure he is not trying to compensate for not being with them full time by buying their love and affection. And he needs to see the big picture for financial obligations to all of his family.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 12:07 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • I wish I got $1000 a month in child support, I get $200. I have actually supported my son on a $1000 a month and he is a teenager.

    IF your husband is going to put the cs towards college expenses, I wouldn't have a problem with it, but to just give ADULT children the money, I would have issues. They need to learn how to be self sufficient and support themselves and dad needs to stop spoiling and enabling them.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 1:12 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • I agree with the above poster. Giving them 1k a month just for spending money is not doing them any favors. They need to learn to be adults and support themselves. If he's already buying them gas and giving them cash when he sees them, then let him continue that but start saving the 1k a month for your retirements.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 3:13 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • Do you expect to help your kids through college or do you plan on just throwing them out on the street the day they turn 18 or graduate high school? You don't want the money to go to mom anymore and you said you wish it could go directly to the kids, well now it is. However, you said you don't know where the money goes that your DH pays in CS, Do they have a roof over their heads, food (and think about how much to feed teens), clothes? That's where it is supposed to go.
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 4:13 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

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