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What is the proper way to ask this?

How do you properly ask a same sex married couple about their baby, if it was adopted, through a donor? Is there a proper way w/o sounding rude or anything like that? I think its great and they are great people I just am honestly not familar with any scenario like that and I want to ask them about their baby because they do love to talk about her.


Asked by mitchellb at 12:01 PM on Jun. 17, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,346 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • I guess it depends on how close you are with them. I really don't see why it would be such a big deal to ask if they used a surrogate or just adopted. It's an interesting thing. You obviously aren't coming from a mean place. They love talking about the baby. So why is it such a huge deal? As for it being none of your business, people ask questions ALL THE TIME THAT ARE NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS! Yet, they do it anyway. And, sooner or later someone will ask, I'm sure. Hell, I find the whole surrogate process interesting. I considered offering for my husbands brother and his wife years ago. Hubby said hell no. Then they had a daughter on their own anyhow. Anywho, just in conversation, about the baby, ask if she was adopted, or if they used a surrogate. But, start out with, 'I hope you don't mind me asking', or 'may I ask...'. Make it clear that if they feel uncomfortable answering, they don't need to. That's all.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 2:25 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • I'm a pretty forward person, and most gay people I've met are happy to spread the word and understanding about their lives and choices. I'd just say something like "Aww, she's so adorable. She looks like you. Did you guys conceive or adopt her?" If you say it cheerily they won't take offense. Don't be embarrassed to ask :)

    Answer by Ati_13 at 12:05 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • is it really any of your business? It's kinda of like asking a straight couple, "Aww did you concieve Missionary or Cowgirl?

    Answer by hollydaze1974 at 12:21 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • I think they will tell you when they are ready.

    Answer by Bugzmomma at 12:21 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • If it were me, I wouldn't ask. It's pretty personal and something that I am sure they will share if they want to. I am not a very forward person, though. I just can't imagine if someone asked me how I conceived my daughter, and I know it's not the same thing but it is still pretty personal. It's something I would wait for them to bring up on their own, and if they do then I think you can ask because they opened the topic.

    Answer by MaryMW at 12:21 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • LOL at Hollydaze.... no its not my business I'm simply asking from the point of view they love to talk about her and when they talk about her and the things she likes I normally would say "oh well where did she get that trait from" but in this case I wasnt sure how to comfortably do that. Its not like i want to specifically know just to know its more of a way that I dont say something stupid or offensive on accident

    Comment by mitchellb (original poster) at 12:28 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • I would probably be too afraid of offending them to ask. I know when I was a foster parent, I used to hate being asked about where the other child "came from" because it worried that it would point out to the child that something was different about him/her and make our family less "solid" in their eyes. That is just my personal experience though, and the circumstances coming with a foster child are probably a lot different than this situation. I might just broach the subject and see if they bite and disclose more information.

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 12:30 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • Well one way or another, they adopted her either through a surragoate, or the old fashioned way, it wil come up in conversation soon enought!

    Answer by kimigogo at 12:32 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • How about, So you've never told me about her birth. It may very well be that one of them gave birth to her. Heck it could have been using the other one's borther's sperm. If they want to tell you they will. If they weren't there they might just tell you that. I am assuming this is two women. I guess if it is two men they still could have been there as coaches. You still run the risk of being seen as rude, but if you say it with true interest and a smile on your face the odds are on your side.

    Answer by LoveMyDog at 1:01 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • Really? You would ask this question? Really? I repeat, you would ask this question? I've heard it all today! smdh!

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 1:01 PM on Jun. 17, 2011