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How can my husband and I nicely tell his mama that...

she can't just stop by whenever she feels like with out calling first? My husband works 12 hour shifts and is going to school full time. We have maybe an hour to eat supper in the evenings and spend time together before he has to do school and shower and go to bed. My mil has been stopping by without calling all the time and she brings a bunch of her family and they all hint around about "how good our supper smells". Just a little background he was never close to his mom. She was not around while he was growing up at all and all she talks about is how she needs money. BUT we still don't want to offend her if we can help it so what is a nice way to tell her to call and see if she can stop by.

Also she tries the door knob every time she comes. If we didn't have the door locked she would just walk right in.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:28 PM on Jun. 17, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Sounds like you need to be blunt. But do it tactfully
    myownhappiness

    Answer by myownhappiness at 12:32 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • I think you husband needs to address it, and you could also put a sign on the door, we are not taking visitors at this time, that should give her the hint,,, but have your husband just tell her,,or try doing it to her about 10 x's in the next week!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 12:34 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • I know you want to be nice, but nice doesnt work with this sort of person. Im sorry dear but your MIL doesnt understand or respect boundaries. If she is willing to just barge into your house without knocking, than what makes you think a polite little conversation is going to help? I hate being rude, and I hate rude people. Problem is you have to 'talk thier language' to get them to understand/ listen to you. That being said, here is what you have to do.... The next time she comes by, open the door; wide open....real wide...that way youve got plenty of room to slam it in her face!
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 12:36 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • I agree with myownhappiness. You will need to be blunt for her to understand.
    Tell her you guys are very busy and would love to have her over for dinner but she should call first so that you can make enough and actually have the time to visit. Have a date in mind for when she can come when you tell her this so she doesn't just show up.
    Good luck!
    AmandaH321

    Answer by AmandaH321 at 12:36 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • I agree with myownhappiness.. She dont seem like the type of person to understand unless you come right out and say it.
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 12:37 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • Buy that DO NOT DISTURB sign & put it on your door knob lol jk. Your husband should talk to her & let her know that she needs to call before she stops by because you guys are always a little too busy & can not receive visitors without the heads up. GL! =)

    VanillaBlondie8

    Answer by VanillaBlondie8 at 12:39 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • You need to stop worrying about offending her and flat out tell her you guys really don't want company as often and she needs to call before she comes over. Do not feel like you need to feed her and the brood that she brings along with her. Once you start, she surely won't respect your wishes about not coming as often. Good luck, I've been waiting for nearly 20 years for my MIL to develop some sort of manners.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 12:42 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • In addition to everything above me. Set a time to go to her house. Part of it might be that she misses her son (most of it looks like she wants a free meal though) and if she knows she will see him on the second Sunday of the month, then she can just remind herself to calm down. But don't worry about being nice. Let your husband handle it.


    And if that doesn't work let your husband come out of the shower in a towel one time talking about how he is in a rush to get to the library before class starts. He can escort her to the door and push her out of it.  I think she needs a good hard shove to get the hint!

    LoveMyDog

    Answer by LoveMyDog at 12:52 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • My dad used to do that. I had to tell him that he NEEDED to call first. He was hurt, and complained to my aunt about it... but my mother told him to knock it off and reminded him that he'd promised not to be "up our asses" (his very words) all the time.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:54 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • I had some of the same problems except with my step daughters! If your hubby isn't willing to talk to his mom and tell her "you both would prefer, and would appreciate" it if she would call BEFORE coming over! There is nothing wrong with you guys expressing that. It is YOUR home and you have that right! I told my dh to do the same thing with his daughters after 2 of them walked in on us when we were in a "private" moment the first year of our marriage. They now call to let us know if and when they are coming. If your hubby isn't willing to talk to her, then I think you should. You don't have to be snippy, or ugly. Simply tell her that you guys have little or no time in the evenings to "get things done" after work and school, and you would really appreciate it if she would give you a head's up prior to visiting and let her know it isn't always convenient for her to visit with all you guys have going on! Nothing wrong with that!
    Lynda-Lou

    Answer by Lynda-Lou at 10:01 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

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