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My kid was outed because she's too neat, what should I do?

My daughter came home stating that kids at school often ask her why does she come to school and now day camp always so neat? She explained to them that her mother likes for her to look neat. They told her thats he doesnt have to come to camp looking so nice.

Now my daughter is not dressed in some name brand clothes, just regular ole JcPenney and Walmart clothes. Her clothes are always clean and ironed. Her hair is always nice and her hairbows coordinate with her outfit. Her socks are neat. But she has asked me not to clean her white tennis shoes as the other kids all look messy so I have since stop doing that.

I explained to her this morning that unfortunately for her friends that I will continue to send her out looking neat because that is how leaders dress. Did I say the right thing? Should I send her to school messy?

Answer Question

Asked by 35yoamom at 1:45 PM on Jun. 17, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 20 (10,016 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • Let her make some decisions on how she dresses... I assume she's a tween since you posted this here but I'm thinking shes old enough to have a say on how she wants to dress. It's daycamp - she's there to have fun, run, jump, etc... so although clean is a must, neat and tidy isn't.

    Answer by monshine2 at 1:49 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • I have my kids looking neat every morning.. They dress nice & their hair is all done up with bows. =)

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 1:58 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • You can't win for losing! If she showed up looking scrubby, you'd be a lazy mom!
    I'm with ya on this, op. Keep up the good work.

    Answer by dullscissors at 2:16 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • Thanks Dull!

    Comment by 35yoamom (original poster) at 3:20 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • I agree with you, just because the other mother's don't care enough about their children to keep them neat and clean, doesn't mean you have to let your DD look like a ragamuffin. Now, it would be obnoxious if you were sending her in expensive clothes or something like you were trying to show off but just having them clean and matching??? Well one day, those kids may not be supervised by their parents and think it is uncool that your DD is, but I bet you won't be giving in on that right?

    Answer by JLS2388 at 7:21 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • I have a question; How old is your child? If she is nine or older she should be dressing herself. Nine year olds are too old to have their outfits picked out by her parents. You can definitely help her pick out things, and let her know what goes with what, but she should be doing most of it. Also, matching hair bows? Isn't she too old? Are you dressing her like this as a benefit to her or to you? No one, including your daughter is saying that she should look unkempt. Just more adult and more casual. This is reasonable.
    I wondered what you meant by leaders looking more tidy then average. True, people that are interested in student government often wear suits and such, not that it helps them get elected. Just the opposite. But has she ever said she wants to be involved in community organizing, or politics?

    Answer by martine1778 at 12:21 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • Don't let her get messy just because everyone else is. Do you want her following what "everyone else is doing?" Understand you are on the threshold of her wanting to be with the other kids including sex, drugs and drinking. If you allow her to think it's ok to be like everyone else because "everyone else is doing it" then she'll think it's ok to do other things. We raise our own children for a reason. Tell her that their parents aren't as concerned about how they look because they think differently. She is your child and your responsibility.

    Answer by attap5 at 9:41 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • Let her dress the way she wants to. It's hard enough bein that age, and she's old enough to choose for herself what she wants to look like.

    Answer by daddysgirl199 at 1:21 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Yes my daughter is nine years old. She does still wear hair bows and barrettes. Many times I braid and plait her hair. She does not wear it loose because African American girls still wear their hair in braids, plaits and ponytails at 9 years old. When she gets to be about 11 years old it begins to be more ponytails and then finally she would wear it loose if she likes.

    She is not wearing name brand clothes. I buy her clothes from Walmart, Belks and JcPenneys when they are on sale. I also go to consignment shops. She may get some name brand clothes at the consignment shop but then she could care less about that sort of thing. My husband's clothes go to the cleaners, they are always pressed and have military creases. I shine his shoes. My 3 year old son's clothes are washed and pressed with creases as well.

    We are just a neat family. In my experience, the good guys/boss /leaders always look the neatest.

    Comment by 35yoamom (original poster) at 10:24 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • I've always told my boys that you just never know who you may run in to so you should always look nice. That doesn't mean name brand clothing or anything, just that you look neat and clean. I think its fine you're daughter wants to wear matching clothes that look nice and has her hair done. My boys both do their hair before they go out, and wear cologne (by choice). I would assume she's wearing appropriate clothing for camp depending on the activities and the weather.
    I'd also let her have some choices at 9, I let my boys choose their clothes when we shopped with a little guidance so I knew what they had in their closet. There is nothing wrong wanting to look nice, neat and clean.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 1:16 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

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