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Has your teen done this?

This started a short time ago that she is disrespecting me in front of her friends. How did you curtail it? I have sent her friends home (but that's not really fair to her friends). The other day she had a friend stay overnight and she did it again and I told her she would have consequences after her friend left as she begged me she wouldn't do it again. I don't know if that is the right way to handle it either. She stayed over last night at a friends and I just found out that the girls mom went to work and there are 3 12 yo there by themselves. She lied to me this morning when I had asked if the Mom was there she said yes, but I could tell she might have been telling me a story so I called the Mom and she was at work. I think I need to get in the car and go over there. Have you had this happen and would it be alright if this happened on your clock? Or am I just being overprotective. 3 girls or even 2 could find trouble, I think.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:55 PM on Jun. 17, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (9)
  • My child did not do this. I think what you are dealing with is a basic lack of respect for you and your authority. If you don't get a handle on this right now, the next few years are going to be very rough. I would go get her right now. When we got home, I would sit her down and tell her she has just lost all privileges until such time as she proves she is able to handle being responsible for doing the right thing. Then you explain to her what that looks like. For starters, when a mom leaves 3 12-year old girls home alone, your daughter should have called you and told you so that you could come get her and bring her home. Despite opinions to the contrary, 12 is still a child and must be disciplined as such, especially if she hasn't been heretofore. My husband and I were still spanking at that age for blatant acts of disobedience and disrespect. If you've never done that, it's not too late to start. This is serious!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:01 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • Disrespect = not going anywhere, or doing anything until she can earn your respect. You should also give her chores, and make her earn the right to have fun with her friends, etc. Just because she is your daughter doesn't mean she can walk all over you. If you don't teach her now it's just going to get worse. Don't give in, be tough, and she will be better for it when she's an adult.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 2:03 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • u have to make her respect u! stand ur ground! ur being to nice!
    Caroline2010

    Answer by Caroline2010 at 2:18 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • Don't wait for it to happen again. Talk to her about it calmly when her friends aren't around. Are you and your husband setting a good example by talking to her and each other with respect?
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 3:09 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • I don't know what to believe as the girls she stayed with is saying that she told her her Mom wouldn't be there in the morning and before my daughter called me (I called her at 9:30am) but I just don't know who to believe!!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:31 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • Mine doesn't. But, if she is disrespecting you, then you need to stop it. Disrespect means no privileges and her friends go home. Who cares if it's not fair to them. Also, call her out in front of her friends.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:09 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • What do you mean disrespecting you? Talking badly about you? or do you simply mean she does things you told her not to do? Do you feel you are more restrictive then other parents? If you are, then I would say make wise decisions. You do NOT parent in a bubble, no matter what every amateur tells you. Why is she lying to you? Is it because she doesn't trust you to act reasonably? Because she doesn't believe you trust her? I would say that getting tough is not the first thing to do. Look at the people responding here; They think its ok to hit a child. YES spanking is just hitting. Its not even legal in my state. And NO. It shouldn't be. If you push, she will push back. The best thing you can do is leave her there. They will not get into trouble, and I think you know that. You just are miffed because you were disobeyed. Let it go. When she comes home, without yelling or frightening her tell her you want to trust her.
    martine1778

    Answer by martine1778 at 2:55 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • There's a reason she didn't tell you truth and it could be just about anything. Do you treat her with respect? Do you allow her to talk to you about anything and do you listen before responding? Do you discuss how to earn trust and why its important? Do you tell her what you fear and what you expect from her?
    If she isn't suppose to be there without an adult, then yes you need to go pick her up, you can't wait for it to happen again. When you get home you talk to her about why you didn't feel comfortable with her being there without a parent. You talk to her about why she didn't tell you the truth. You talk to her about expectations and earning trust. Children need guidance and boundaries, just as much as they need to see we are human, that we have legitimate concerns and fears. It's time to start building trust and that doesn't happen with yelling and hitting.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 11:01 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Amber likes to act differently when her friends are around all showoff and such.
    I constantly tell her that she better act right because if she doesn't she won't be
    allowed to have friends around. Well she didn't want to listen so she isn't allowed
    to have friends over for now. Isabel also went through this but she learned and
    now when she has friends over she doesn't put on a show and try to show her
    friends who's the boss of the house, lol. I am hoping that Amber will also learn this,
    too.
    chavela_carlita

    Answer by chavela_carlita at 4:45 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

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