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2 Bumps

Am I overthinking this or is it truly something to be bothered by? adult content

I am getting ready to leave my boyfriend. I've finally realized that he is mentally abusive to me and my children (who are not his), and I am getting things in order to get out.

In noticing all the different things that are abusive, I've noticed this about him: whenever he is irritated, frustrated, angry, etc. with some woman he deals with for work, in a store, etc., he will refer to her as a wh*re or a c**t. I am finding this incredibly offensive and disrespectful.

But given that I am irritated with most aspects of him right now, I don't know if it truly is offensive and disrespectful or if I'm blowing it out of proportion so it can be another reason to add to the list of why I'm leaving him. I mean, I know it's offensive and disrespectful, but I don't know if I'm finding it more so as a result of the circumstances.

Am I overreacting or is it as a big a deal as I think it is?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:09 PM on Jun. 17, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • I called the woman at the post office a cunt today. She was....
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 7:16 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • My view is this...........

    Is it any more disrespectful when women refer to other women using those terms, or when women use terms as "dick" "prick" "bastard" when they encounter some men in this world?

    If you do not find it disrespectful or offensive when women do it and have done it yourself at one time or another... Then I'm not able to understand why you find it so when he does it.

    If you DO find it offensive and disrespectful when women do that (and never do it yourself) then yes I can see why you would find it disrespectful and offensive.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 7:21 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • I don't see it as any different than calling a man I don't like a dick. It's just a word that's specific to a gender.

    Good for you for getting out of a bad situation.
    Ginger0104

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 7:21 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • I can understand that sometimes a woman is. But...for him, it's EVERY woman he deals with. That's why it's bugging me. If it was only occasionally, I would think that she was. But it's every single woman he deals with that irritates him, and sometimes the irritation isn't something that he really should even be irritated about. For example, one day he got mad because he had to sign some paperwork and the woman couldn't find a working pen, so he had to take his out of his pocket. Ok, yes, I can see it might be slightly annoying that a business couldn't find a working pen, but I don't feel she deserved "That stupid c**t couldn't even find a da** pen for me to sign that f**king paperwork." It just seems extreme. But like I said, I've come to realize he's abusive to me, so it might be that I'm now looking for every little thing I can find so that I will stay strong enough to follow through and leave him.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:21 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • pixie...I guess it's not so much the words themselves per se (although I generally don't use them myself, but I do sometimes call a woman a bitch, and have been known to call some men a dick), but the quantity. It's the way it seems to be EVERY woman. I mean, it's like if I deal with a man that irritates me, I don't automatically call him a dick. I might think he's acting like a jerk, but I don't automatically go to dick.

    I'm not sure if I'm explaining this all well enough, since I'm having trouble pinpointing exactly why and how it bothers me. And again, since I've come to realize he's abusive, I do know that I am looking harder at everything, and so it might be that I am just magnifying it as a result of that.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:25 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • Well mental abuse is if he is calling u things like, u are hopeless, or a worthless piece of shit, things of that nature. But the way is speaking to u about his co-workers is derogatory and offensive to women in general, and he has no right speaking to u like that. So I would call him out and tell him u don't like him speaking toi u like that and besides, the kids do not need to hear thing like that.
    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 7:28 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • May I ask a question.
    "
    In regards to overall ability to communicate effectively would you say he is able to communicate his feelings well (openly, honestly, devoid of confrontation/being defensive.etc)?
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 7:32 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • pixie...no, he doesn't communicate well at all. His idea of communicating is to tell me all the things I do wrong (which according to him is everything. Seriously, I've been lectured about how often I go to the bathroom!). He calls me names, insults me (told me I have a room temperature IQ). He's controllling - I'm told what and how to cook, what to buy when I grocery shop (including brand), I have to tell him what I'm doing/where I'm going/who I'm seeing and he will track me on my phone's GPS to make sure I am where I say I am. If I do something, I'm told it's wrong, and if I change it and do it the way he says, then I'm still wrong. He lies to me a lot, but tells me I'm a liar if I tell my kids we'll go do something and then we don't (example: I say we'll go swimming, it rains so we can't, he says I'm a liar).
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:36 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • There's the answer in a nutshell. He refers to women that way, he expresses himself in that manner to you (and to others most likely) because he does not know how to communicate in any other way. He's never learned how to effectively communicate or become a halfway descent communicator. Good communication is learned, very few people are just naturally good communicators. Especially when it comes to feelings/inter personal relationships. When someone has limited ability in regards to communication, and possibly a limited vocabulary they express themselves in a pretty bluntly. He most likely is communicating his frustrations/stresses/dislikes..etc..the only way he knows how. Is it a good way, nope. Is it effective, nope.. Is it okay to talk to you or anyone else like that, nope. However, he most likely just doesn't know how to do so in any other manner.

    His control issues could partly be due to this as well. Only partly..
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 7:51 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • Sounds to me like you don't like him and that is reason enough to get out of the relationship.
    Syphon

    Answer by Syphon at 8:06 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

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