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7 Bumps

I just do not know what to do anymore

sadI am at the end of my rope. I am frustrated, upset, confused.....I am agoraphobic (afraid to go outside) due to the fact a few yrs ago I was shot when I less then a hundred feet from my home when I was going home from work. It was a revenge thing dealing with stuff I was doing at work. Anyway, we are hurting real bad financially. B.O.A. has actually sent us a threat of a foreclosure notice cause dh is 11 days late. Granted he has been late for the past few months, but he has been paying them. They are saying he owes them $700, which isn't true and have the recipts to show it, but they are not listening or haven't called usa back. What shitty bank!! Well the stress is getting to both of us. I have tried attempting to go outside with the help of therapy and I am now able to get on my front porch without passing out, or getting soaked with sweat, or throwing up!! I am at my wits end. Dh doesn't make make that much money to cover all the bills. I have tried at home work, but it seems like everyone wants money up front, or it costs money to make money, like Avon!! Our dd, who is 2 decides she want to spread her wings of independance. When she cries, dh thinks he has to fix it and he can't, so theres added stress. He gets sarcastic with me and I find myself getting nippy back. I have no "friends" coming over anymore, they all left, so I am left alone and the only outside contact I have is coming here and chatting with people or arguing, which ever, and I confess, I do enjoy doing that!! lol Well, does anyione have a advice?? Any suggestings? Please be kind, no criticism, I do enough of that myself. PS I posted this before, but in the wrong place..

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:58 PM on Jun. 17, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Do you have items to on ebay or craigslist? Do you have any kind of talent like sewing or artsy stuff....sell it on .. other than that I have a home business that has paid me consistently for 7 yrs....but just like any business that you start, you must put money and time into it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:28 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • Do you believe in God? If I didn't believe in Him I would never be able to let my kids go anywhere, and I would be a wreck, for me I know I just have to trust Him. He is looking out for me and cares about me, and answers my prayers (usually not instantly but always eventually). I hope He blesses you guys. Sometimes I think He allows us to go throught stuff so we can learn to depend on Him cuz life is just so much easier that way! I hope everything gets better, stay strong. It's when things get worst that we must not quit because that's when it's right about to get better! HUGS!!!!!!!!!

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 8:32 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • Your daughter needs you to be whole. It sounds like you need to see a therapist and start on meds. You are lucky your husband is so patient. Your child is going to suffer because of your fears. You need to get over it. Anything can happen. Sure, getting shot was a tragedy. I am not downplaying that but you are alive and from the way it sounds you are only psychologically messed up. Be greatful and get thru it.

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 8:39 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • CONTINUE with the therapy you have already started. Keep up with it. Babysit some kids. Get a lawyer to help you with BOA, as I like to call them "bunch of assholes"

    Answer by TempestRayne at 9:04 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • the only outside contact I have is coming here and chatting with people or arguing, which ever, and I confess, I do enjoy doing that!! lol

     ME TOO!!   I get out and talk to others, I work fulltime but still I get more enjoyment from cafemom than any other interaction I have during the day. Cafemom is a great place. My advice to you - We all do the best we can with what we have. Try as often and as much as you can to conquer your fear and move on with not only your life but your families.  Avon would require you to leave your house regularly; are you ready for that? Good Luck to you.


    Answer by meooma at 9:09 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • @bcauseimthemom.........She is too young right now to realize what is going on. Its hard to try and get thru this, although its geting better. And I am on meds and see a therapist. And I 'need to get over it"? Its only been little over a year. Apparently, u never went thru something as traumatic as getting shot in the chest, almost dying 2 different times just getting to the hospital!! I do not know why I didn't die, except god has something planned me, only I wish he get on with it! That and my baby girl. He knew my dd didn't want to grow up without a mom. I think I have made excellent progress considering I only breathe with a lung and a "half" according to my doc, and barely hear out of my left ear. I am getting a hearing aid for that, but I have to wait a little longer just to make sure it doesn't get worse. So I am a little more then "psychologically" messed up!!!!!!!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:23 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • There is probably one thing your therapist hasn't told you that they probably should. As long as you keep this in your mind, repeat it when you step outside, it will help you tremendously. This works for anyone who has been a victim of any crime. While you are under the stress, while it is getting to you, while you are crying, or anything else that wasn't normal before you became a victim, the criminal is still winning. They are going about their routine (jail or not) and not giving you a second thought, as you become a victim over and over again by your own mind. I don't care how much involvement you had as far as this revenge, NO ONE deserves to be killed or almost killed or become a victim of any crime. You need to learn to forgive yourself for whatever you think you MAY have done, even if you are just linked through work. Try and remember the fun things you liked to do when you went out before while you go out.

    Answer by attap5 at 9:23 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • @meooma..thank u so much!! Really Avon requires going out?? I thought u could work thru the internet...damn it. lol

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:24 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • @attap...I do think of the criminal winning nd I will be damn if I let him do that to me too. That is the reason I have made progress and able to get out on my porch!!! lol I can interact with my girl out there and be at least half way normal!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:28 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • Does your therapist ever discuss with you the secondary issues from your problem? It sounds like your stress and loneliness has got you depressed. Do you deal with that at all, either with talk therapy or medication? Social isolation like you have is not good for anyone, plus the financial stress and from your husband as well, plus of course all the fallout from what happened to you. Just your tone tells me that, where you say you criticise yourself enough. That can be part of your issue.

    BofA has terrible customer service. I wish you the best with them.

    Exercise is good for stress. Can you get a video or watch on TV and try to do some?

    can't help with at-home jobs (unless you could do childcare) or your fears. I can't even imagine! But you are progressing, that is good. I pray you will find healing and be able to make friends and work some day soon.

    Answer by Tracys2 at 9:37 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

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