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9 Bumps

HELP! What do you think?

My boyfriend and I are expecting our first child around Thanksgiving. I have severe anxiety and depression and it scares him and he questions whether or not we will mentally be able to be parents. He also feels that a lot of the stuff that's been affecting me is starting to affect him, causing him to be unstable, which has never happened to him before. He doesn't feel that this is the best thing for us right now because of us both being unstable. He DOES want our relationship and DOES want our baby, but he's just so unsure. We feel like we should think about adoption and wait until we're both mentally stable because we're scared of it turning into a broken home. I need to know what your boyfriends/husbands think and if they have any advice from their point of view (or your point of view) from dealing with life with kids and a mom who has anxiety/depression and a dad who may have symptoms...

Answer Question

Asked by quinny89 at 8:28 PM on Jun. 17, 2011 in Adoption

Level 5 (88 Credits)
Answers (21)
  • My husband is most likely bipolar (he refuses to get diagosed and it does run in his family), he is a wonderful father because he loves our son with all his heart! I think it just depends on what your heart is telling you, I can't tell you to do this or that just go with your heart. A baby is a wonderful blessing but if y'all do not feel like you are "stable" enough to raise a child do what you feel is right, what is going to give baby the best life. HUGS!!

    Answer by MommyYeoman at 8:32 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • In the child's best interest-only you know what that is.

    Answer by meooma at 8:34 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • If you and your baby's father see warning signs of problems now before your baby is born then it means you have time to get some help before you are parents. Look into mental health services available to help you deal with your anxiety and depression. Show your SO that you can reach out for help in order to be a healthy family. I'm sorry you're going through a hard time but there is help for you. Good luck!


    Answer by Luuckymommy at 8:48 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • i already see a counselor and psychiatrist, i'm just not getting better right now. this pregnancy has been extremely hard, and it's impossible to know how i'll be when i'm not pregnant because i had to go off my medicine. i'm just so scared and confused=(

    Comment by quinny89 (original poster) at 8:52 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • Have you talked with your doctor? Reach out and get all the help you can, look at your state resources. I cannot imagine what you must be going through. Take your time, and just get all the information and help you can. Take one day at a time. I hope things get better.

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 9:28 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • it's so hard to take one day at a time right now, and it's impossible for me to know how i'll be once i'm not pregnant=(

    Comment by quinny89 (original poster) at 9:38 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • When not pregnant are you med and therapy compliant ?When on your meds are they effective ?Generally speaking if your meds were effective before pregnancy they will be effective after pregnancy.There will need to be med management by your keep your meds at optimal level during postpartum hormone changes.Here is an idea I suffered from postpartum depression not psychosis and my o.b.gyn and psychiatrist started me on hormones the day after I gave birth.Then over the next 4 to 6 weeks stepped down the hormone level.This helped tremendously with my most severe depression.It was partly triggered by the huge quick drop in hormones immediately postpartum.The gradual decline with med management was a great help.I take anti-depressants daily and have for many ,many years.I find having children to help me stay med compliant.Wonderful motivation


    Answer by drfink at 9:51 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • If you relinquish your baby for adoption, you may take on a whole new set of problems.

    Of course, you need to consider your baby's future above all else. Both you and your husband need to do all you can to become stable and good parents. Take classes and get as much counseling as you can. Many new parents worry about their ability to parent. But, if you have serious concerns about the safety of your baby, you need to address that concern before the baby is born. Do you have any family who can help when the baby comes home?

    Answer by Southernroots at 10:10 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

  • Do you have any close family or friends that would take custody temporarly or part time, to give you time to see how you both are with the baby? Have you talked with your therapist about it? I will be keeping you and your little one in my prayers...

    Answer by TiffyTaffy79 at 1:10 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • OP., At this moment in time...I highly suggest NOT making any major decisions about feelings of not being healthy enough to parent. The reason I suggest this is because your hormones are out of "whack', and will not return to normal levels for at least 6 weeks post delivery. This is the WORST time to be making any major decisions, while being pregnant. This is why you will see us "firstmoms" especially attempt to warn you to wait until AFTER your baby is here and hormones have been decreased. This is something most of us who surrendered our children wished someone would have discussed with us! You have as much tie as needed to make an adoption plan AFTER you meet and greet your baby, I promise. I think most ALL of us Moms,who have been pregnant and carried a child, can agree on this. Please feel free to go to Birthmoms group and ask them if they were of the same feelings, I think you will be surprised it is normal:) CJ~

    Answer by ceejay1 at 2:01 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

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