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How should I handle the things my exhusband and his family are telling my son about the baby I am about to have?

My son is 5 years old and is over the moon about having a baby sister. He doesn't understand why my ex and his family are not excited about his baby sister. I have explained that Kaitlyn will be just our baby and not theirs, but he seems lost. He goes to his grandpa's house one weekend a month and gets to visit his dad while he is there. Now they have told him that Kaitlyn will only be his half sister, he is very upset by this and is now questioning everything. He knows that my current husband is her dad and his dad is his dad and I think that is a good enough explaination for a 5 year old. They also tell him not to love my husband among other things. He is just so stuck on this half of a sister thing. I need some advice about how to explain the things they have said. I have asked them to stop and it just makes it worse. How can I handle this without creating drama with them or confusing him further?

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Asked by LSUFFMomma at 3:04 AM on Jun. 18, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 11 (586 Credits)
Answers (23)
  • Maybe a crayon picture would make it easier for him. A family tree type picture.

    Draw your husband on the top left, you in the middle, and your ex in the top right

    Below you and DH draw an arrow(one line from each of you so it looks like a V) to your baby girl. Below you and Ex DH draw a picture of your DS and the "V" arrow pointing to him. Then ask DS which one of the grownups points to both him and baby sister. (Hopefully he'll see it and point to you.) Draw a circle around you. Explain to him that because you both share Mommy that he and sister will be related.

    If he's able to understand fractions (might not, but I know mine did at that age) you could ask him how many parents each child has and how many they share, and then show him how that's 1/2 - or a half sister because of it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:21 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • I would have a talk with your idiot ex family. If anyone pulled that crap telling any of my kids that they were anything less than brothers and sisters there would be hell to pay. My child wouldn't be visiting grandma and grandpa, that is for sure. These adults are dumbasses.

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 4:34 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • You could tell him that it is just a difference on paper, that they will be brother and sister.

    Answer by Bmat at 7:32 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • that's a tough one. I agree with the others on this one. Good luck!

    Answer by daerca574 at 7:53 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • Wow! I know what you mean about not wanting to create drama but unfortunately they are the ones pushing it to that point. You've talked to them and they refuse to listen. I'd just put my foot down. I'd tell them flat out you are not to tell my son ...... how you feel about the issue is your own personal opinion and you can keep it to yourself. You're effecting my son emotionally and I won't stand for it. If you have a problem with keeping your visits fun and leaving these issues out of the visit then he will no longer come here. Botttom line is you're hurting my son emotionally and I refuse to allow this to go any further. Now it's your choice how you'd like for this to go.
    You have to do what's best for your little boy. And it sucks how blind they are. Good luck!

    Answer by Naplesmommy03 at 8:15 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • I would explain that a half sister a sister, but that they only share one parent in common (you), not both parents. The ONLY reason I say this is because one day he will learn what a "half" sibling is, and it may come back if you tell him she's not a half sister and he may think you lied to him...

    My DH's ex did the same thing to my SD. We had to explain that they share my DH as their father, but that they had different moms, and that is why it's called a "half" sibling...We also told her that even though they are "half" siblings, they are still siblings, and they still love her more than she knew. It's hard for kids to understand this kind of thing...

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:26 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • I would tell the family to shut the heck up and stop saying things that they KNOW will confuse and upset a five year old. Seriously, I don't get some people.
    You just tell him that family is family and this little girl will indeed be his SISTER, will have the same mommy and parents and brother that love her very much.

    Answer by KTMOM at 9:30 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • You need to tell your ex that if he wants what is best for his son, to leave his feelings out of it and stop making him feel like less than. Tell him if he wants to work out his issues, he needs a therapist, not confuse a 5 year old!

    Seriously, it borders on being emotionally abusive. What's a 5 year old supposed to say to that? He's throwing a wet blanket on the poor kid's enthusiasm for a beautiful event! If you have to get your lawyer involved and get your custody changed, I would do it immediately.

    Answer by dwmom2008 at 7:56 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • Just tell the ex inlaws if they don't stop, he can't visit. No matter what their feelings, they need to consider his age and help instead of hurt. We haven't had to deal with this with Ela's half brother, and he has two siblings with different moms. This really makes me appreciate his other grandparents.

    Answer by elasmimi at 8:03 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • Does he think he's only getting half of a sister, like literally half of a person? He might be freaked out. Explain how the halfsies work, but let him know that he still loves her with his whole heart. Then, kick your ex in the balls.

    Answer by Pnukey at 9:23 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

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