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4 Bumps

When is a divorce necessary?

I have been with my husband for 9 years (middle school sweet hearts) and married for 5. Our marriage has always had issues but recently its just become overwhelming. I tried to cater to his every need with a smile in hopes that I would be leading by example and he would reciprocate but instead he took advantage. I told him that we needed to go to church and he refused. I asked him to work on our marriage by taking the 40 day love challenge (The Love Dare book) and he said no he didn't feel like reading. He pushes me away from hugs, or doesn't want to kiss, he doesn't want me around him unless he wants "some". I am totally a believer in doing whatever it takes to save your marriage but honestly I just don't feel like being hurt again. I'm so torn.

 
Butterflitter

Asked by Butterflitter at 3:19 AM on Jun. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Level 3 (23 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • I'm a believer in saving a marriage and doing everything to do so, but.....you tried catering to him (leading by example) and he didn't reciprocate, Strike one; you asked him to read a book and try the love challenges with you (never heard of this before, but you were thinking creatively) and he refused, Strike two; set up an appt. with a professional for counseling (first alone, then with him) and if he refuses to go, Strike three. THREE STRIKES YOU'RE OUT! (Send him packing) If that does not motivate him to work on your marriage, it's time to look into a legal separation which may or may not lead to divorce. However, you will be able to look inside your heart and know that you tried everything possible. Good luck!
    rosiemendo

    Answer by rosiemendo at 7:45 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • WILL HE TRY COUSENLING? I HAD THE SAME PROBLEM WITH MY HUSBAND WHEN WE WERE DATING.....I FINALLY LEFT HIM...GONE FOR 4 MONTHS...WE TALKED ABOUT IT I CAME BACK AND GOT MARRIED TO HIM AND THINGS HAVE BEEN GREAT....IT TOOK ME LEAVING HIM TO OPEN HIS EYES.
    MRZDAUGHERTY

    Answer by MRZDAUGHERTY at 3:37 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • I know your trying everything that you can think of. And I'm sure you counseling has crossed your mind. But maybe take some free time, don't act the same maybe distant yourself for 2 to 3 days and see if he treats you differently. Play with his mind a little and stimulate him. I'm not even kidding this will work. Maybe the 3rd or 4th day write him a little love letter. Maybe write notes around the house for him. Bring up some good past memories. When he's in the shower join him. Do you have children together? Sometimes men seem distant even when they aren't trying to.Honestly men are easy to please, SEX, Sleep, and EAT! That does the job. Go to church on Sundays with kids, or a friend for the next week. See if he changes his mind set. Tell him how you admire him, how you love him. Maybe he just feels he needs to hear it more. But don't nag at him or say anything to upset him. Keep arguments set to the side. Express Feelings!
    Hesmynavyman

    Answer by Hesmynavyman at 4:32 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • Pray for him and you, don't leave your husband please. There is already too much divorce in this world. But after a week bringup counseling again, make sure he knows that he's not being the blame for anything. Do you cook him dinner? And does he give into you as well. However don't tolerate or put up with rude tones, anger, or verbal abuse if he does tend to do it. Stand firm and on your ground, show him who Mrs. Boss is! ;)

    And yes... I am a counselor So hope my information helps you.
    Hesmynavyman

    Answer by Hesmynavyman at 4:33 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • Hi I went through a divorce a bout two years ago. My advice to you is that every ones advice will be different to there beliefs on the subject But all you can do is what you think is right for your situation. It sounds like you have tried a lot and he just keeps backing a way. I wouldn't tell you that divorce for you is a bad idea or a good idea. but i would say maybe try a separation see how that goes and if he still doesn't want to work with you to save your marriage then maybe think about it a little more. All you can do is fallow your own instincts and what you think you should do. You know your husband and your family's better than any one else. LIke jessica asked before me. is he good with the kids? dose he still help out with them? As your self all the big questions and answer them. The happiness and the well being of you and your kids are the most important. Divorce is a big decision.
    1battymom84

    Answer by 1battymom84 at 10:41 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • take a little time, tell him that you'll go for a break and see if he'll miss you ... if not hunn i thing when u do everthing you could and the other part can't or don't want to ..so there is no more solutions .... hope everything gonna be alright after the break time ;)
    caramelH

    Answer by caramelH at 4:32 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • If he act like that hes definitely not interesting time to move on..
    smiley745

    Answer by smiley745 at 4:40 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • pretty much just try as much as u can if he not really to work on ya marriage then its time to take a step back into reality and do what u gotta do for yourself and kids if have any, u cant sit here and be his slave for ever if hes not willing to do his part noone on here can tell u what to do just give u some advice and support u on your journey. you gotta make the choices on your on.....
    lexisexy

    Answer by lexisexy at 4:59 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • ready*
    lexisexy

    Answer by lexisexy at 5:00 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • when you are no longer happy & can't get happy in your marriage,
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 7:45 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

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