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Why do people think life is so hard when they never stop and think that they my be the ones causing it to be so hard?

I have a friend i have known all my life and she has been beside me with every life change as she calls it. She has had her up and down in her marrige and getting her son threw school. When i lived in the same town as her she would worry the crap out of me. Can i have this and that. Can i borrow some money, do you extra food until we get paid. I miss her friendship but not the poor pity me crap.

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cmholt

Asked by cmholt at 8:41 AM on Jun. 18, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 5 (91 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • People get so caught up with themselves & the "Me" factor that it blinds them. Good Luck :)
    GypsyMa76

    Answer by GypsyMa76 at 9:02 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • You know the happiest times of my life were when I did not have a penny to my life!!!!now that I do things get more complicated, but I always make the best of what I have and I am grateful every minute of every day.
    I know what you mean, you create your own happiness, or unhappiness.
    older

    Answer by older at 9:14 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • Sometimes we have to make blind choices that cause hardship. Our own choice caused it but it wasn't for lack of good intentions. My Dh a few years back was offered a position in a different location. It didn't pay any more, in fact it was basically the same position but it was an hours drive. He chose not to take the position, he was happy where he was. You know what. That offer was a life line because the position he held was about to be eliminated. They couldn't tell him that and he had no way of knowing. He made a blind choice and chose 'wrong'. It effected every aspect of our life and has ever since. He is now at a job where he is underpaid and well underemployed. We are getting deeper and deeper into trouble. It's life and I would hope I could have my friend to lean on, support me and help me. I am sorry this bothers you and I am even more sorry for your friend. I hope thing slook up soon.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:18 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • I was the single mother of 3 for 4 years. I recieved no child support because he quit his job and worked under the table. I worked two jobs and went to night school. My kids were 6,9 and14. Even though I recieved food stamps at the time money was non existant. I ran out of gas, had utilities disconnected, you name it. I was one person trying to keep 4 heads above water. Now I am married and the mother of 5. Things are so much better, the stability alone did wonders for my first 3 kids. I have a few friends that are like the one you mentioned. Sometimes I think they are their own worst enemy...but I have walked a mile it those shoes. I love and help them anyway. It costs me nothing to be kind, and I feel good knowing they have a meal, or a roll of toilet paper because of me.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 9:31 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • I think it becomes a habit. If you want to be friends with this person you have to maybe help them break it...because you giving and allowing it in your life has enabled your friend. Tell them straight out what you see happening and then catch them and tell them when you see them doing it again. You do not have to be demeaning about it , but I think everyone needs someone to lift them up once and a while. Lift up I mean..do not do it for them..NO is o.k and probably the best thing for them...it will teach them not let it happen again... You have to take care of you first. I do this with my sister, she has enabled me to vent to her often...and it ends up worse than when I started...and I know it is not fair to her...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:08 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • Yes, we are pretty much responsible for our lives and have no one else to blame and we shouldn't feel sorry for ourselves about it. Just being alive is exciting and if you can appreciate the basics---a home, food on the table,loved ones and good health, then you have it made. There is no justification for pity parties! :-)
    minnesotanice

    Answer by minnesotanice at 10:17 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • Oh...that would take personal accountability and a lot of people are missing that these days. I have a friend just like what you described. I don't judge her for her choices, but I am not responsible for them either...she is...and its the decisions she has made that have made the life she has.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 10:24 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • There are more answers to that Q than just one,LOL.
    Some people just weren't taught certain things in life and it takes them awhile to learn things through experiences. Eventually, you get tired of being knocked down every time you get up and you try to change what you're doing that's causing this.(so to speak)
    I can understand where you're coming from on this.
    Constantly helping them out actually enables them to keep being that way though.
    It's good that you valued her friendship even though it was hard to watch her go through all her ups and downs!!

    KellyGirl_TX

    Answer by KellyGirl_TX at 3:23 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

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