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2 Bumps

Something I've noticed, maybe you can explain?

As I scroll through relationship questions, I noticed that in a lot of instances, whenever someone has a question regarding a relationship problem and they aren't married, there are many women whose answer to that question is along the lines of "if you got married, this wouldn't be a problem". Problems with the kids getting along with the boyfriend, living together, privacy, etc. - they say getting married will fix it. Doesn't seem to matter how long the relationship is - 6 weeks or 6 years, no difference in answer as far as I can see.

Yet, if a woman who is married posts about problems, those same women who type "get married" to the unmarried woman, will tell the married woman that she jumped in too soon and if she'd taken longer to get to know him then she wouldn't have this problem.

What happened to dating someone for a while to get to know them before getting married? I mean, yes I agree that some problems do get resolved with marriage, but they are generally minor problems, and I don't think getting married to attempt to resolve a problem is a good idea. But I do think any relationship is a commitment and you should try to resolve problems.

But it just seems to me some of those answers are rather hypocritical. Not sure I'm explaining this quite the way I hoped, but hopefully you get what I'm trying to say.

Answer Question
 
wendythewriter

Asked by wendythewriter at 10:56 AM on Jun. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Level 33 (61,976 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • I hear u but I'm wondering if some of the problems are people shacking up too fast and then wondering why their kids don't like their man?
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 11:01 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • I've noticed this as well, and the only thing that comes to mind is that given that responders have virtually no actual information, they're largely talking out their asses on most matters of that nature. Life is long and relationships are complicated, clearly explaining both the problems and/or solutions isn't an easy gig.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 11:01 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • i don't think i've ever read anyone saying marriage will fix even minor issues...maybe a tax-related one!
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 11:03 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • I haven't noticed anything about getting married will solve problems. Other than that, it sounds like you're mixing up a lot of different things. There is nothing wrong with dating a while to see if you really are compatible. But it really should just be dating. Too many people think dating is living together, having children and playing house. Then if it doesn't work out moving on because they aren't married.

    As for marriage problems, it seems that is pretty much split down the middle. Half say they jumped into marriage too soon and the other half says stick it out no matter what because if you leave you'll be alone and that is so much worse than getting ignored or otherwise treated like crap by an indifferent husband.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:03 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • I answered a privacy question as to get married for two reasons, one, they shouldn't be doing what they are doing outside of marriage and two, they would have more time together since one wouldn't have to run home. As far as getting married too soon, I do not prescribe to that. If it's love and is supposed to work, it doesn't matter if it is 6 weeks or 6 years. Although if it takes 6 years to figure out whether you should be together or not, then maybe you shouldn't be.
    attap5

    Answer by attap5 at 11:03 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • Let me clarify that I'm not saying every answer that says get married is wrong. But the best example I can think of is a question from yesterday about how the woman's boyfriend of 2 yrs didn't relate well to her kids, and a woman answered that if she got married, the kids would respect him more. Now, granted 2 yrs is a long time...but if he and the kids don't get along, getting married isn't going to fix that. But I'd bet money that if the poster of that question married the guy and then came back here saying "they don't get along should I leave him?" the same woman that told her to get married so the kids would respect him would tell her that 2 yrs wasn't long enough and she shouldn't have just jumped into marriage.
    wendythewriter

    Comment by wendythewriter (original poster) at 11:09 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • there is a double standard
    married VS living together with children

    had one woman even say to me that if you are NOT married and your man is with another woman it is not cheating
    that is her opinion, but pretty closed minded and anto woman in my opinion

    as for your post... there are many women whose answer to that question is along the lines of "if you got married, this wouldn't be a problem". ... the same women will say 100% sure that THEIR man will NEVER cheat or lie or whatever

    marriage can fix a tax issue-(good point dull) but in all other situations, a marriage will magnify everything else, good as well as bad

    as for porblems in a relationship, almost half say dump him, some will say stay at all costs, & some will give advice inbetween

    what i do not understand is when a woman is leaving a relationship & jumping into another, and many times overlapping relationships - this to me is rarely a healthy choice
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 11:13 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • Don't forget the instant suggestion to get divorced.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 11:17 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • You should not live together for any reason unless you are married. It is just a bad idea. Marriage has rules and guidelines, playing house is asking for problems.
    That said, 6 months of dating is plenty of time to know whether or not your kids like this guy, he is a keeper, and what problems there may be. I think dating for a year or more is a lack of commitment. If you need more, dump him. There is the odd guy who changes completely once you are married, though. I think women need to be a hell of a lot more picky once they have kids. But they aren't and can't see the fact that their guy hates kids because the sex is great.
    cueballsmom

    Answer by cueballsmom at 11:24 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • i would suggest marriage to someone griping about living together long term and problems with the kids. but i haven't really seen questions about people living seperately having problems.
    princessbeth79

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 11:28 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

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