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How can I encourage my 18 year old daughter not to get tattoos and pose nude for an online modelling site?

My 18 yer old daughter recently graduated high school and is currently working nearly full-time. She has been saying she is moving out this summer with 2 friends that I know are smoking marijuana and drinking. I also know that she is engaging in these behaviors also. Now she has decided to get all tatted up and wants to pose nude for something called the SuicideGirls. They are basically alternative pin up girls doing modelling online as well as actually some engagements. I agreed to allow her to have one tattoo while living here at home but I've told her she will have to move out if she wants to have more tattoos and especially pose nude. I am devastated by this. She really is a very sweet girl but her father is dead and her self esteem is so low at this time in her life. I hate to make her move out and push her away and into more of this inappropriate behavior that she and friends (smoking & drinking) are doing! Please help.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:53 AM on Jun. 18, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (22)
  • I'm sorry to say but if u tell her she can't, she will be motivated even more to do it. U have spent 18 years raising her, now u have to step back and hope she doesn't screw up.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 11:57 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • Unfortunately at 18 there isn't much you can do. Maybe try having a heart to heart with her. If her self esteem is low maybe that's why she's trying this modeling thing. Remind her that you think she is beautiful. Give her a little extra attention and maybe plan some mom daughter only activities. Maybe thatll help.
    tspillane

    Answer by tspillane at 11:57 AM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • You can let her know that employers search for people online before they hire them, if she ever tries to find a good job, this one bad decision can jeopordize a good job for her, and our choices (especially now that we are adults) follow us for the rest of our lives, and this is a very unforgiving society.
    leksismommy

    Answer by leksismommy at 12:01 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • I agree with the above posts. She is only 18 and needs to learn some things on her own. I would be more worried about the placement of tattoos more than anything.

    My husband, 34, has tattoos on his hands and on on his neck. They are not of horrible things, however, it is nearly impossible for him to get a respectable job, even with a college degree.

    Tattoo's are permanent! All the other things really are not .(sure the pics are but they can eventually be forgotten)

    I would focus on the tat's and compile information and pics on tattoo placement and tattoo regrets. Maybe let her know that you don't approve of her choices, however, you are only going to bug about tattoo placement since it is the one thing that she may really regret in the future.

    Sorry, this must be a terrible situation. Although, she is telling you and not hiding it. That is a good thing!
    superclutz

    Answer by superclutz at 12:05 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • I've tried to compliment her and we've talked about the reasons she wants all of the tattoos. She truly believes (right now) that they are like art to her.....as well as these models for SuicideGirls. She is a very attractive girl but has been beating herself down a lot more recently since a boyfriend (loser) wants to take a "break." I was initially glad about this but now I see that she is trying to get attention elsewhere. Do you think I should actually tell her to move out? I am just thinking this well propell her into more of the same bad behavior and I am so worried about the dangerous behaviors.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:06 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • Im a suside girl fan... They'll show everything but between the legs. I knw theirs nothing u can rly do at 18, but sorrport her (cnt spell sry)
    MommyAngel143

    Answer by MommyAngel143 at 12:08 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • Agree with PP, once it's on internet, you can never take it back...and the placement of tatoos are permament life affecting decisions.

    Could you encourage her to pose for an art class instead? they'll pay her, and it's not such a life long scandle to be drawn or painted.
    Dkhilly

    Answer by Dkhilly at 12:14 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • There is nothing wrong with tattoos, not one single thing. They ARE art.


    I have seen the Suicide Girls. They are each very beautiful in their own way and kudos to your daughter for being secure enough with herself and her body to want to pose for them. Unlike with Playboy or Penthouse, Suicide Girls are not sexual, it is art.


    She is an adult now and yes, you are worried, but if you don't stop hovering and trying to control her, you WILL loose her.

    SpiritedWitch

    Answer by SpiritedWitch at 12:20 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • well mom she's 18 she's gonna do things you don't like...and the more you openly try to enforce your rules and opinion on her the more she will rebel. but there is an up side to this sometime we have to let our children fall so we can be there for them when they are trying to get back up again. have you tried talking to her on an adult level about why she wants to do this... not from a mom's stand point and non-judgemental? maybe you should ask the question what are the meanings behind the tattoo's most people have very personal reasons for getting tattoo's they have nothing to do with the fact that you told her no... making her move out or anything else will just cause things to get worse between you two. how long ago did her father pass away? did she receive counseling for her lose? she may be using drugs to self medicate. and the modeling could be for many reasons ... your just gonna have to talk to her and find out.

    traren

    Answer by traren at 12:21 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • Thank you all for your comments. I have a friend pressuring me to tell her to pack up. And I just don't think it is wise at this point. I do have rules about no smoking or drinking here at the house and she does seem to respect these rules, at least as far as I know. She is doing a good job at her current job and she is a kind and polite girl. She just seems to be disrespecting the values that I've tried to instill in her....I know she's rebelling to some degree and then trying to pursue her own life as well. I'm just a wreck myself worrying about this. We've always had a good relationship overall.....so I hate to ruin that now. Maybe I have been too lenient since her Dad died (we were already divorced at the time) but I guess that doesn't matter so much now. Thanks for listening.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:21 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

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