Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

11 Bumps

I can't f*cking believe this !

I have had the worst last few months anyone can imagine... I lost my fiance, the father of my unborn baby... and if that wasnt hard enough, today I seen his obituary, and now not only am I more heartbroken, I am ANGRY !

Now before I have anyone bashing me, I want to say, his marriage was already over, and even then, I am not the one who had vows to her, it is not my fault, not my problem that they were getting divorced.

We met and fell in love, shortly after I got pregnant with our miracle baby ( he had a vesectomy years ago, after his other children were born) ... he moved in with me and filed for divorce from her. We we so happy, but it didnt last long, and here I am, going to have to have my baby all by myself....

Ok, so the reason you might be wondering is why I am so angry over his obituary is because i wrote a beautiful one and expected it to be used, i also was planning on making his funeral arangments, but none of that happened... I guess since they are still legally married, everyone has to ignore the pregnant fiance he was living with.

She made all of the funeral plans, I had no say, and then his obituary said that he left behind his wife of 9 years, his 2 children, and then the rest of his family and such... and then clear at the bottom of it, it says and his special friend, *my name* .... no she couldnt possibly say that I was his fiance, or that she is his EX , and of course no mention of our unborn child...

I mean how do I even get over something like that ?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:58 PM on Jun. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (34)
  • Grieving in general is a process I know that isn't what you want to hear :( and as far as your funeral arrangements that sucks what that bitch did and she probably did it just to get a rise out of you and be selfish :( HUUUUGEEE HUUUUGSSS and blessings your way hope it get better if you need a friend to vent at or be there for ya I will...and will bump it
    djavongirl

    Answer by djavongirl at 3:01 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • It is actually the way that it should have been handled. They were still married and despite going through divorce proceedings they were still married and you were not. You could always put something in the paper yourself if you really wanted to. In the end who really cares what it says. You know the relationship that you had with him and what was going on in his life. It doesn't change anything.
    Melbornj

    Answer by Melbornj at 3:01 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • It's just protocol. I wouldn't stress my unborn child over it so try to remain calm. Just make plans to provide for your child. Did he leave a will putting the baby in it?
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:08 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • Sorry hun, he wasn't leagally her ex. She was his wife of whatever amount of years... etc. Bottom line, he was her husband and it was her responsability to take care of the funeral as she saw fit. She has children that are HERE already that are dealing with the loss of their father. You are right, it was his marriage and he is the one that disrespected it. Maybe his WIFE didn't want the children to have their last memory of their FATHER as a cheater that was shacked up with some woman that he knocked up. I understand that you are feeling the loss of this man but I have no respect for you. If he loved you so much and the relationship was LOVE y'all could have waited to shack up until he was divorced.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:14 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • Legally she did what she had to do and what she was supposed to do. Never mind their marriage was "over", never mind he was with you, and engaged to you and planning a baby with you. He is no longer here, which is what should be your biggest concern; not that you weren't involved in the planning of the funeral or your obit wasn't used. I hear your anger, and your bitterness, and your pain but this situation isn't about you, it's about HIM! She HAD to bury him, with dignity. Maybe other people weren't aware of the situation and if that was the case then of course you would not or should not have been involved. I am sorry for your pain, but think about his family, and put them first.You have a little one growing inside of you to remind you everyday of him. Whether it was what he wanted or not, she did the best she could have done in the situation. If you love and respect him, let this go in his honor! At least u were mentioned!
    Lynda-Lou

    Answer by Lynda-Lou at 3:19 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • I too, hooked up with my man before he got divorced and if he were to die and his wife did that I would be mad. However, I would understand that she is the legal wife and would have the rights to do that. It was nice of her to have mentioned you. She totally could have blown u off.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 3:24 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • No, he never changes his will yet... me and my baby dont get anything... everything goes to her... which is another slap in the face....

    Even at the funeral, no one talked to me, except the people that came with me.... I was the one with him for the last 5 months, and now I have to raise a child for the next 18 years without a father... how can they not understand how hard that is ?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:27 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • I dont thing you heard the part about not wanting his children to have their last memory of their father to be as a cheater. Those children and their feeling come before everything else. I am sorry that you are grieving, I hope you find some compassion for the family he created before he met you.

    ochsamom

    Answer by ochsamom at 3:40 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • R u serious? She was his wife! She has every right to whatever was in his will,if he even had one. If he did not,she gets everything anyway! She was legally married to him and was a dog by cheating on her with u! Get over it! That is what u get for being somebodys booty call,mistress,whore! Sorry! truth hurts! Next time,leave the married guys alone!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:40 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • I'm sorry this has happened. Legally, it had to be handled by his wife. That's one of the reasons that just living together is a bad idea without getting married, because you have no legal say. You do have an option as far as funds for your baby. Since the father has passed, your baby is entitled to his social security benefits until it turns 18.
    attap5

    Answer by attap5 at 3:43 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN