Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What would you do...? (Living/career situation)

Hopefully this is in the right category...

My mind has been in a bit of a whirlwind the last few days.

After each of us taking our turns with car trouble and finally picking his up after two weeks, SO & I went to renew our lease Thursday and the guy at the office asked if the children were living with us. "uh, yeah" SO answered. "Since when?" he replied. "since we moved in." (2 years ago). He suddenly says that's illegal. Now, we have 3 children & we're in a 2 bedroom. But with a bunk bed and a toddler bed they're fine. It's a spacious place and we're pretty comfortable. He said he's never dealt with this and would have to call his manager to find out what can be done. I asked if they have other properties we could transfer to since we've been tenants for 2 years. He didn't know. He called back within 5 minutes, says we can't stay and we'd have to do our research with calling their other properties to check if they have 3 BR availability, but the application and deposit process would be starting over. And, we had to give a written notice that we would be terminating our lease.

A few things I find messed up with this: 1- if they say we can't renew the lease, why do WE have to give a written notice.
2- we've been here 2 years! That means we renewed last year and we obviously filled out papers to move in the year before. NOW you say we can't be here?!
3- after checking the website where we live, we saw the regular rate for our unit size is about $200 more than what we're currently paying. When we moved in 2 years ago, there was a special and the annual increase has only been $10 each year. Could they be wanting us out to get that higher rate?

Since we weren't expecting to move yet, and we both had major car repairs, we wouldn't have any upfront money for security deposit yet, at least not 3 months worth like most places ask.

Ok, decision wise- I have two opportunities so far. A friend has offered a 3-4 BR apartment & salon with flexible deposit that's about 45 min from where we currently are. Good for me (I'd work out of salon downstairs), bad for SO w/ 45 minute/36 mile commute. It's also more city-like, we're currently more suburban.

After looking at the place and talking to my friend, my mom calls and says if we need to, we can move in with them, put our things in storage and save money. The benefit would be closer to SO's job, but In turn I would be the one commuting 45 minutes, however, I don't mind driving.

I'm not sure how living at my parents would affect us as a family though. My dad likes to be in control and when it comes to our kids they kind of disregard what I say. Yes, they're grandparents but Im still their mom, they should support me in my decisions! He's more respectful of my SO, the man to man thing I guess. My SO says it's cause they still see me as their "little girl" so they like to make decisions for me.

Like with offering their place, my mom said "if we need to" but I hear my dad in the background saying there's no need to check elsewhere they can just start moving their things in. What happened to letting us weigh our options and making a decision?

Also, I find my SO doesn't want to transition to the other location because of his job (he's been there about 6 years although he could transfer) and not wanting to be far from his twin daughters, which their mother has been inconsistent with days/times with them anyway.

I don't want to put too many irrelevant details, but I tried putting in everything that would be affected. Hopefully I wasn't too confusing.

Does anyone see if there's a fair compromise in this situation?
I have prayed about it cause I know God wouldn't give us more than we can bear.
I don't know what to do?! :-/ I've had such a headache since Thursday. :-(

Answer Question
 
MamisAngels

Asked by MamisAngels at 6:14 PM on Jun. 18, 2011 in Money & Work

Level 11 (502 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Honestly, I would talk to your DH about the commute if he doesn't mind then it might be better to move into the city. The other thing to consider would be the school district depending on how long you plan on staying their. If your DH doesn't like the commute it would probably be best to move in with your parents, but draw up a real lease that explains both of your expectations because you can spend time finding a better place to live in the middle.
    amandajoy21

    Answer by amandajoy21 at 6:20 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • I would not give notice to terminate. I would pursue staying where you are. It seems that the person you were talking to is not the decision maker and he might not really know what he is talking about. Do not put anything in writing at this time. You are not terminating they are putting you out. They need to put it in writing and it might be illegal for them to. Do not just do what he says.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 6:25 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • Make sure to double check your lease agreement, as well as your state and local regulations for renting. It might be easier to just contact an attorney for information. Reason being was as tootoo said. Do not give them anything in writing yet. You may still be able to renew your lease if they don't legally have ground to deny you. Good Luck. Get more information.......
    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 6:36 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • I agree that you need to consult a lawyer. Most give a free first time consultation. Call several. GL!!
    whitepeppers

    Answer by whitepeppers at 6:57 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • I think according to law it is 2 people per bedroom- BUT if you have been renting there for 2 years, I don't get why they would make a big deal out of it now. I think I would call a lawyer before giving notice
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 8:10 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • If there are residency laws where you live, there is no way your landlord is going to knowingly let you stay there and risk fines.
    Find out what the law is, and whether this is a law issue, or an issue with renting guidelines.
    Candi1024

    Answer by Candi1024 at 6:40 AM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • I agree with the others, find out what the law is in your area before making any big decisions. If you do need to move, I'd definitely take commuting over living with a controlling father!
    katiemomNY

    Answer by katiemomNY at 10:49 AM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • Contact your local renters' right office
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 12:33 PM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • In some states, they figure 2 adults in one bedroom, & 1 1/2 (yea right) kids per bedroom, which gives flxability. My fiance and I tried to rent a larger place than either of us were currently in (I owned my place) with our blended family "his - mine - ours" leaving only 4 kids at home, so that made a total of 6 of us, we were required to have a 4 bedroom place. A three bedroom would have been just fine, he and I in one, the girls in one, & the boys in the other, but we were required by rental laws to have a 4 bedroom place. That created a lot of problems, because 4 bedrooms are hard to find. Since I owned my place we had to sacrifice & blend our familys in my SMALL place. Rental laws suck. If there are control issues - don't do it - it will only cause stress & create arguments - & in the end could damage a relationship. Make a different sacrifice - meet in the middle as far as location - & yes- look at schools too.

    tcskids

    Answer by tcskids at 11:07 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Thanks so much for the responses & advice. It really helps to get an outside perspective. I appreciate you all taking the time to read and respond. I've definitely been working on seeking other options. I know we have 60 days but that come and fo in the blink of an eye so I want to be efficient with deciding, packing and moving. Ugghh moving :/ packing, unpacking, getting comfortable again... The joys lol. Thanks again!
    MamisAngels

    Comment by MamisAngels (original poster) at 11:15 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.