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Should I stay in this relationship?

Well here is a short version of the story. I have been with Jovanny for 7 yrs and we have 3 children together, but we are not married. He is from Mexico and wasnn't divorced until the begining of this yr. His now ex-wife is still in Mexico so that complicated the divorce process. He has ben physically violent a couple of times, nothing serious but I know it isn't right. He didn't really get any help for his anger. I don't trust him and he doesn't respect me like he should. I love him but I don't think I am inlove with him anymore. He is a good dad only for a 1/2 a day at a time, but he loves the children very much. He does pay child support and provides, but only on his terms. What I mean is, when we fight it becomes his money again not our money. He thinks that I am using him for his money. I am living in low income housing and one assistance until I finish college. So what do you think????????

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:45 PM on Dec. 12, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • you're using him for his money, but you gave birth to three of his kids? what a jerk. you already know he's controlling and abusive. by the way, any physical violence is serious. so is the emotional abuse and control (there is something called financial abuse). you're not happy. you don't trust him. he doesn't respect you. you're not in love with him.

    what relationship?
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 5:49 PM on Dec. 12, 2008

  • Sounds to me like you are only his family when he wants you to be, he wants things his way or no way. Why stay in a relationship like that? If you don't trust him...it's only going to get worse. & years is way too long to put up with BS from anyone.
    Take charge of your life and leave him behind!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:52 PM on Dec. 12, 2008

  • Answered at 2:49 PM on Dec. 12, 2008 by: figaro8895
    you're using him for his money, but you gave birth to three of his kids? what a jerk. you already know he's controlling and abusive. by the way, any physical violence is serious. so is the emotional abuse and control (there is something called financial abuse). you're not happy. you don't trust him. he doesn't respect you. you're not in love with him.

    what relationship?



    AGREED COMPLETLY........HE IS A JERK
    hautemama83

    Answer by hautemama83 at 5:55 PM on Dec. 12, 2008

  • If the man is physically abusive it doesn't matter if it only happens once you need to call the police and leave. Wife abuse only gets worse...Take your children & leave doen't wait for him to abuse you again either emotionally, verbally and physically. Tell him that you will only come back when he gets help through anger management and then the two of you can go for counselling. Good luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:55 PM on Dec. 12, 2008

  • Mija, you are not in a good relationship you need toget out of it for you and your kids stay on the housing and assistance program cause Im sure you'll need it and stay in school it will be hard but at least you"ll be safe and so will the kids,. there is so many places that help single mom's and programs for the kids too.

    you need to have a plan cause he's an abusive & controlling man he won't go on his own.. He will problably get violent and if he does you need to call police and file a restraining order.
    file for child support through the local District Attorneys office.








    njsaucedo

    Answer by njsaucedo at 6:07 PM on Dec. 12, 2008

  • First of all love is based on trust and if you don't trust him there is at the very least a part of you that doesn't love him. If you take him to court he'll be required to pay the amount of child support a judge deems appropriate and you won't have to worry about dealing with any more of his antics. He seems like the typical abuser and in those situations a tiger will not change his stripes.
    micrespo

    Answer by micrespo at 7:06 PM on Dec. 12, 2008

  • get out!
    mom2alan

    Answer by mom2alan at 7:16 PM on Dec. 12, 2008

  • Sounds as if you already know the answer to this question. Before he leaves, make sure that you have all the numbers from his documentation so you can get child support for your kids. ANY kind of physical violence is "serious". I used to process protective orders at legal aid and did client interviews. That woman whose head was stapled shut didn't think the violence was serious, nor did the woman who was recovering from the stab wound. I've seen "nothing serious" escalate into ER visits and permanent damage. If you want to stay with this man, you're really setting yourself up to get more than just emotional damage. Do you really want your children to live in that kind of environment? If you are questioning yourself, call your local battered women's shelter or hotline. You need help, you need to break the cycle.

    I wish you the very best. Please be safe.
    SkyeGirl

    Answer by SkyeGirl at 11:25 PM on Dec. 12, 2008

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