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3 Bumps

How would you handle raising or explaining to friends if your child was different? No bashing. Prefer answers from someone who has dealt with this.

Different as in a genetic disorder that makes them look a little different. Or maybe due to circumstances that were out of your control? Anything that makes them look a little different from a child.

My kids have a genetic disorder that makes them look slightly different. IDK what DH is thinking but he made the comment he did want to explain things to people. WTF?? How do you think that makes me feel since I have the same problem? I'm speechless right now with him and don't know what to say to him to make him understand how difficult it will be for them in society. But to get that type of attitude from their own father,,,,

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:26 PM on Jun. 18, 2011 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • Maybe he wants to explain it to people so they aren't whispering about it or talking behind your/their backs.

    lilysmom2607

    Answer by lilysmom2607 at 10:30 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • My oldest has Down Syndrome, I know there will come a time when strangers, my son's friends, and my other children will ask why he looks differently than them. I plan to point out some menial differences, hair color, eye color, height, etc., and point out that there are a lot of things that make them different and unique from one another and his physical features are one of them. You didn't get specific about your children and whether they have a specific diagnosis, in my case I would probably further explain on a child's level about my son's diagnosis if necessary depending on the particular situation.
    dedicatedrider

    Answer by dedicatedrider at 10:33 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • My son has seizures ( and other health problems). he will be 7 in November and has already had 2 major brain surgeries for his seizures ( the last one they went in twice so I say he had 3). He also has a week muscle behind his eyes and they cross or wonder. He is in glasses but they don't help because he isn't really looking threw them ( and his eye doctor says there is really nothing we can do for that). But anyways yes people do look at him some asks/says things some don't. The ones that asks questions or says things is the ones that I "explain" to what he has went threw already and then they don't say anything. But when we go somewhere that has new people ( like out of town to my cousin's house) I don't make it a point to explain it to everybody...I guess thats because I know if anybody over there says anything wrong out of the way my cousin will step up and say something to them.( yeah he is over protective of me and mine)
    christydlewis

    Answer by christydlewis at 10:37 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • Honestly, it sounds like your husband is embarrassed by you and your children. You need to let him know that he seems to be the only one with an issue and it is not fair to you and your children. Just ask him if he is embarrassed by you and the kids and if he says no them tell him you would like to go out and meet his friends and co workers. If he refuses then you know he is the one with the issues and you two need to talk.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:56 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • What disorder specifically?

    So DH wants to explain to people why they look different? I don't see anything wrong with telling people how/why they happen to look "different".
    BeachyBabe

    Answer by BeachyBabe at 10:29 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • I don't feel there's a need to explain ANYTHING! What is that going to accomplish? Insecurities, self doubt, becoming an introvert, because your father is always pointing out their differences. I raised my boys to not see color, disabilities etc. They're young men now and have never questioned anyone as to why they look different. They were all friends. I'm probably different than the norm, but having epilepsy has taught me that it doesn't determine who I am and what I'm capable of and I don't appreciate it when people try to treat me different. I have a well respected job, 2 beautiful boys and an amazing husband.
    Kathy675

    Answer by Kathy675 at 10:42 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • Your husband has to stop being embarrassed about his kids!! Sheeesh!!
    judimary

    Answer by judimary at 10:51 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • I'm sorry, but I think your husband is being "different" his own self. God made us all different so we can have our own identities. No one is exactly alike. I grew up in a town with several children who had Down's Syndrome. My mother worked at a home for retarded children (what they called it then). She used to take me to work with her when I was little. I learned quite a bit from those children. Who weren't all Down's, people dumped their kids if they were "different" at all. What I learned is that it didn't matter if there were differences on the outside. It was the inside, people's hearts that count. My theory has always been that maybe people who are "different" are the normal ones and it's the rest of us who aren't normal.
    attap5

    Answer by attap5 at 11:50 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • Time for family counseling so your husband can learn to be proud of his kids and stop hiding them because they aren't perfect. If people ask, then explain, otherwise, no need to say anything. If they are your true friends or relatives it won't matter what is not perfect about your kids, they will be loved anyway.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:41 PM on Jun. 18, 2011

  • He doesn't want to have to explain to them. Which explains why when his people and friends have cook outs or parties, he waits until I'm going to take them to Nana's to tell me. Or if I ask how's so&so, I hear that they just had a gathering we were invited to but he told them that I had made other plans.


    The disorder is dentinogenesis imperfecta. Basically our teeth aren't white like other peoples are. There more translucent.

    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:36 PM on Jun. 18, 2011